Two Standards For The Price Of One For Happy Hour

SCENE:  Mitch BERG is enjoying a primary-night libation, engrossed in reading results in a booth at a local tavern – so miuch so he doesn’t notice Avery LIBRELLE has entered the room and noticed him.   By the time BERG notices, it’s far too late.


BERG:  Hey.

LIBRELLE:   Look at all that DFL turnout in the primaries yesterday.

BERG:    Huh.  Yeah, look  at that.

LIBRELLE:  Ketih Ellison won!

BERG:  Yeah.  Huge suspense there.  Hey – question for you.  Do we always believe women who report violent physical abuse?

LIBRELLE:  What, are you a barbarian?  Of course we do.

BERG:  So Ms. Monahan, the woman who claimed Ellison abused her…

LIBRELLE: Worthless lying whore.

BERG:  Huh.  So…women who claim abuse…

LIBRELLE:  Above reproach.

BERG:  Women who claim abuse by Keith Ellison…

LIBRELLE:   Filthy trollop!

BERG:  …or Al Franken…

LIBRELLE:  Vile harridan!

BERG:  …Garrison Keillor…

LIBRELLE:   Two-bit crack whore!

BERG:  … women making claims against men in general?

LIBRELLE:  Absolute moral authority.  #MeToo

BERG:  Women accusing prominent Democrats

LIBRELLE:  Wretched filth.

BERG:   Huh.   Gotcha.  Hey – did Paul Wellstone just walk in?

BERG slips away as LIBRELLE looks around. 


10 thoughts on “Two Standards For The Price Of One For Happy Hour

  1. Come on, Mitch, that’s not the only possible explanation why Ellison won despite three separate domestic abuse allegations. Could be:

    Minnesota Democrats don’t know whether or not to believe the accusers but they think MeToo has gone too far, they’re now ready to reverse the “women never lie” presumption and apply the presumption of innocence to all accused men which, happily, gives Ellison a pass; or

    Minnesota Democrats believe the accusers, but they don’t care if their guy is a wife-beater because he’s the most electable candidate to advance their agenda and holding the Attorney General seat is more important than a few women’s lives. See: Bill Clinton. Or . . .

    Minnesota Democrats do believe the accusers, but they aren’t comfortable holding Ellison accountable because of America’s history of slavery. Black people shouldn’t be required to “act White” and shouldn’t be punished for engaging in authentically Black behavior, it would exacerbate the racial disparity punishment problem. Yes, setting expectations that low is a form of racism, but it’s good racism, for a good read. See: every thug shot by cops just as he was turning his life around. Or . . .

    Come on, guys, help me out here. There must be more excuses. What are they?

  2. Like the Babylon Bee, Mitch’s stories are only satire because they’re combination of several real life interactions.

    Some days I have no hope for Humanity.

  3. This is way too accurate, for what its worth when I hear a Republican accused I back away slowly, Ill never defend my own against it but still be cautious. For what its worth I never supported Roy Moore and am glad he lost because he would have been used as an albatross across the neck of every Republican in the country. It is amazing the disconnect leftists are required to have sometimes.

  4. Come on, guys, help me out here. There must be more excuses. What are they?


    This is more difficult than it seems. Think of identity politics as rock, paper, scissors. Black scissors cuts women paper. Muslim rock smashes black scissors. Women paper covers Muslim rock.

    But how does Keith Ellison fit into this? He is both scissors and rock, so the DFL just don’t know what to do and since Ilhan Omar is all three: rock, paper and scissors, she is untouchable.

  5. Come on, guys, help me out here. There must be more excuses. What are they?

    I think it’s…

    4) He’s black and a Muslim so he checks off 50% of the most important diversity check boxes. We’ll give him a pass if he is…excitable and lacking in restraint. Better an excitable person than a Republican. Plus…..

  6. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 08.15.18 : The Other McCain

  7. “Greg” wrote:
    Ilhan Omar is all three: rock, paper and scissors, she is untouchable.
    Unless you know the secret of making theTIGER FIST!
    Tiger fist beats rock, paper, and scissors. Most people don’t know about it.

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