29 thoughts on “Counting The Toll

  1. 07:00: Unlike on government holidays, 35W was it’s normal stop and (very little) go for my commute this morning.

  2. This just in — unconfirmed reports indicate that because of the government shutdown and the large amount of land under federal control there, every individual in the state of Wyoming is dead. Dead! And that heartless bastard John Boehner just doesn’t care.

  3. I remember that. Here it was.

    But it was written by “The Head Of Alfredo Garcia”. Gotta hand it to Learned Foot; his blog had the best pseudonyms in the business.

  4. Here we go:


    It’s noon, and the federal government has been shut down for half a day..

    The first three minutes were pretty uneventful. But at 12:04:11 ,a orange glow rent the southern sky, followed by flaming debris dropping from above.

    By 12:08 mobs of howling, starving federal workers and clients began prowling the street, beating passersby in an orgy of starving desperation. Led by a former barbers’ licensing official named Barbarossa, they left a wake of bodies, blood and trash in their path.

    At 12:11, a group of vigilantes led by a freelance jingle arranger, Jeff Blumstein, organized in the Metrodome parking lot. They confronted one another on the Nicollet Mall, in a battle that left most of the city flattened and blazing from gas leaks and arson. Barbarossa’s hordes threw Blumsein’s army back; the survivors slipped across the Central Avenue bridge, seconds before decay caused by 15 mintes of neglect (from lack of state engineers) led to the bridge’s collapse in a gout of spray and rust dust.

    It was :25 after when the first civilians, food stocks exhausted, tentatively approached Barbarossa looking for food. A brutal black market erupted; Barbarossa’s men traded food for sex, comic books and union contracts.

    But the atrocities grew out of control; by 12:30, pyramids of human skulls started piling up at key intersections. Worse, even Barbarossa began losing control of his mob, finally being killed at 12:38 by a coalition of even worse former state employees. Their minions divided America up into dozens of competing parcels of turf, where their soldiers drove packs of human shields into their enemy for laughs and, later in the minute, for a supply of flesh on the hoof to assuage their hunger pangs.

    I am in my basement, a shotgun in my lap, watching the city burn in the distance. A pack of marauders was looting my neighbors – until a pack of wolves in turn ate the bandits.

    I’m saving the last shell for myself.

    If anyone alive reads this – we tried. We really tried.

    God have mercy.

  5. AFSCME is marching in Minneapolis to protest the shut-down of Voyageur’s National Park in International Falls. Did somebody park Wellstone’s bus?

  6. But it was written by “The Head Of Alfredo Garcia”. Gotta hand it to Learned Foot; his blog had the best pseudonyms in the business.

    I remember “The Head Of Alfredo Garcia.” He was really good. 😉

  7. Yeah HOAG was awesome. For a meth addict raised by feral cats in Frogtown, he was really literate.

  8. Hey, is anyone answering the phone at NICS? There’s a guy at my backdoor selling AK47s and I want to be sure I can get my background check.

  9. Sorry Powhatan Mingo, you’re mistaken about that photo. The smoking crater is not a volcano, it’s the site of the former McDonalds at University and Western, after a diverse crowd of federal government assistance recipients vibrantly protested the shut-down. Easy mistake to make.

  10. 15:39: NSA just called me, they’re a little short staffed, asked me if I didn’t mind just sending them all my texts, emails and facebook posts…said they’d sure appreciate it.

  11. the DDE has a black budget and isn’t affected by this at all in case anyone was wondering. Also all those speeches Obama and the dems have made, were written by our staffers. Remember we have no souls here we contract out to the highest bidder. Just glad the 800K federal employees havent organized yet. Crazy that a federal employee might be affected by something. I;ve also heard from a few that they really didn’t like staying home today because their wives made them do work. Something they are not used to doing when they are at their jobs

  12. I assume that politicians are not part of the 800,000 federal workers who will go unpaid?

  13. Atta boy Emery!

    The fed may be shut down, but the moonbat Freekorps are still out there making sure the misery is spread evenly.

  14. The fact there are 800,000 “non-essential” federal workers is an important clue about something, Emery. Can you guess what it is?

  15. Reid made a Freudian slip yesterday – they are all working for the Goobernment and not constituents.

  16. Essential employees working, congress still working…well at least the House, the Senate is standing, collective arms crossed in front of them, shaking their collective heads at everything presented them…what “shutdown”??!!

  17. If history is any predictor, all of the furloughed employees will receive all their pay for the time they did not work. So few tears for them.

  18. It’s really mucking up all the news shows as they will not stop talking about it – it’s worse than flood and tornado coverage …

    A good time to do something devious is when everyone else is distracted.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.