(SCENE: MITCH Berg is leaving the gym. He runs into Avery LIBRELLE, who is walking into a group Twerking class. MITCH tries to duck behind a shoulder press machine, but LIBRELLE sees him).
LIBRELLE: ZOMG! Tom Emmer did an ad for a remodeling company!
MITCH: Right. And his manager says it’s a mistake – a testimonial that was never intended for broadcast, that got broadcast! And if you’ve seen the production value, it sure seems plausible…
LIBRELLE: It ain’t the crime! It’s the coverup!
MITCH: What coverup?
LIBRELLE: They had to wait for Aaron Rupar at the City Pages to cover it before they’d comment!
MITCH: Aaron Rupar?
LIBRELLE: Yes.
MITCH: Aaron RUPAR?
LIBRELLE: Yes…well…
MITCH: Spill it.
LIBRELLE: OK. He’s just repeating what Sally Jo Sorenson writes.
MITCH: And?
LIBRELLE: Like usual.
MITCH: We’ve talked about this before.
LIBRELLE: I know. Anyway – This probably violates campaign finance laws!
MITCH: Says who?
LIBRELLE: Sally Jo Sorenson.
MITCH: Huh. Well, on the one hand, pretty much everything you do, and everything you don’t do, violates one campaign finance law or another. Campaign finance laws are mainly designed to protect incumbents. They make campaigning a niggling, nonsensical regulatory maze, full of arbitrary restrictions on free speech.
LIBRELLE: But it keeps money out of politics!
MITCH: No, it doesn’t!
LIBRELLE: Yes it does!
MITCH: How?
LIBRELLE: It’s the law!
MITCH: Right. So the Alliance for a Better Minnesota, which alone outspent the GOP candidate in 2010, doesn’t spend money?
LIBRELLE: That’s different. Unions are The People.
MITCH: Oh, for the love of…
LIBRELLE: The laws keep big money from influencing campaigns.
MITCH: Clearly they work wonders.
LIBRELLE: Of course!
MITCH: So here’s a question: who’s paying Sally…
LIBRELLE: …whoah, look at the time. Gotta get to class! (LIBRELLE dashes into room).
(And SCENE)
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