The Bathroom At The HyPsTr Nightclub Of The Soul

Next to Michael Brodkorb, no center-right pundit in the Twin Cities generates more deranged irrationality than the Strib’s Katherine Kersten.

Lambert writes about one of her recent columns (doesn’t matter which; they all react the same no matter what she writes):

As we know, Ms. Kersten writes . . . in public . . . because Star Tribune management felt it was overdue for someone to counterbalance the pro-gladiatorial, pro-crotch shot, and pro-animal-like moan worldview of brutish males such as Doug Grow and Nick Coleman. But countering those two violence-drenched pornographers is a big, tough job. Do you have any idea how many Minnesotans are obsessed with gladiatorial stripper-pole moaning? A lot.

So I got to thinking: The Strib needs help. [Heh – Ed.] This is too much for one person. Which is where you come in. With the assistance of MSP Publishing’s marketing department—and this is real—we are offering a swank dinner for two—a $100 gift certificate to r. Norman’s—to whoever out there produces the best 500-word column that “Out Kerstens Kersten”. (E-mail your submission to

Of course, Lamborghini (as G. Charles used to call him) is pilfing my material; it was in 2006-2007 that this blog started the “Columnist Parody” tradition in the local media with dare I say a brilliant assault on the oeuvre of Susan Lenfestey (poll and entries).

So in the interest of protecting my copyright, and because the Twin Cities’ pundosphere is such a rich vein of “talent”, it’s time to do another “Parody In The Dark” contest, where you, gentle reader, get to show the world the kind of “satire” Al Franken can’t even pull off.
The only real problem: picking who to parody.  The environment is, indeed, that target-rich.
So here’s what we’ll do:

  1. Starting today, through Friday night, I’ll take nominations.
  2. I’ll run a poll early next week to pick our victim
  3. Once the subject is chosen, I’ll start the contest, probably next Tuesday; the objective will be to find the best parody of the selected writer.

The winner will receive some kind of reward. What, I don’t know; rest assured, it’ll pale compared to the pleasure you’ll bring millions.

As Charlie Quimby says:

Imitating clumsy writing is like purposely singing off-key. A professional will never be as convincing as the earnest and tone deaf amateur.

Amen, brother.

Bring on the tone-deafness!

(NOTE: Susan Lenfestey can not be nominated for this competition; she’s already “won” one).

16 thoughts on “The Bathroom At The HyPsTr Nightclub Of The Soul

  1. Susan Lenfestey Syl Jones – humorless, ideological, racist, pretentious, lowbrow with aspirations to unibrow, and stultifying.

  2. Depending on how you define the word “writer”, but if it is a broad definition then I nominate little miss Precious Peev.

  3. Apart from the odd fisk here I rarely waste any time on them. I sure as Hell don’t read the Red Star.

  4. Keillor. Come on, admit it: you want to write a folksy Lake Woebegone tale using the screaming invective of his columns.

  5. I almost did in this thread, nerdbert. Then I got a grip. Something Gary seems incapable of.

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