Choom Nation

I’ve got nothing in particular against marijuana.  I’ve never smoked it, in part because I’m just not a “mellow” kinda guy – if I did a drug, it’d be cocaine, hands (and nose) down.

And I personally support legalizing pot.  Making this cheap commodity the focus of a federal prohibition has contributed to untold deaths and incredible misery in America’s inner cities. Decriminalizing pot would at least remove some of the expense and dislocation that our failed “war on drugs” has caused.

But with all that out of the way?  Stoners annoy me.  There is nothing in the world more annoying that numbed, hemp-reeking munchy-grubbing cackling drone of the Chiba Monkey set.   I’ll sit in a chair and listen to Shakira’s fingernails on a chalkboard all weekend before I listen to stoners babbling in Shaggy-Doo cant without forcing bongs down peoples’ throats.

So I’m glad to see that, along with Hollywood, government worker unions and plutocrats, America’s muzzy-headed hemp-clad frito-guzzling bong-o-nauts are among Obama’s big hopes in the coming election, as several state roll out pot legalization bills at least in part to try to turn out America’s Dave Matthews-listening, cheeto-searching, High Times-reading, neo-comatose Baked Caucus to vote for Obama.

Getting more young people to vote has long been a Democratic fantasy, since they tend to vote so heavily Democratic. But past attempts to bong the vote have been disappointing, in part because stoners aren’t the group anyone would most count on to bother filling out a ballot. Ahead of the 2010 midterms, The Wall Street Journal ran the story, “Democrats Look to Cultivate Pot Vote in 2012,” noting that California’s pot-legalizing Proposition 19 was being studied to see if similar measures “could energize young, liberal voters in swing states for the 2012 presidential election.” But exit polls that year showed no spike in young voter turnout, and marijuana legalization was the top issue for just 1 in 10 voters, the Los Angeles Times reported.

(Also carefully note, all you Paul supporters who think pot legalization is your path to the presidency)

9 thoughts on “Choom Nation

  1. “Dude, when is that vote-thingy happening again?”
    “Oh, wow, I think it was, like, yesterday, man.”
    “Bummer, because, you know, there was something I was really concerned about, man.”
    “Whoa, really? What was that?”
    “…………….. hey, Doritos!”

  2. “America’s muzzy-headed hemp-clad frito-guzzling bong-o-nauts…”

    *slow clap*

    So much awesome in there.

  3. As a former user, I don’t care if they legalize the stuff. For personal use, go ahead, smoke away! Here’s what I learned from years of abuse, though – it is a thorough, unmitigated, uncut waste of time. A stoner is a person who has said to the world – I put my own pleasure ahead of your trivial concerns. By definition, I believe a stoner can be nothing more than a practicing narcissist.

  4. I heard that Dayton was so jealous when he heard about Obama’s “Choom Posse”, that he’s started putting together his own group of partiers, to be called “The Chundering Herd”.

  5. Back in the 90s, the Wisconsin Democrats came up with a plan to get rid of Governor Tommy Thompson. They proposed lowering the drinking age from 21 to 18. All that had to happen was for the Democrat to defeat Tommy that November. They envisioned about thosands of 18-20 year old college students going to the polls to vote Democrat,

    Then the drunk college students at UW-Oshkosh got bombed and rioted. Burned cars, and what not.
    Well, so much for that plan.

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