The conversation below is “Fake But Accurate”, and reflects things said – to me and otherwise – by DFLers in a variety of media over the past week or so. I have synthethized those conversations into a single, “composite” character, whom I’ll nickname “EVERY DFLer” for clarity.
Don’t try this if you’re not an English major.
SCENE: A coffee shop. MITCH is sitting at table drinking black coffee. EVERY DFLer walks by drinking an organic mo-chai-frapp-iato, recognizes MITCH.
EVERY DFLer: (Hisses).
MITCH: (Notices ED): Hey, what’s up?
EVERY DFLer: Tom Emmer doesn’t have a plan!
MITCH: Of course he does. He just hasn’t released it yet.
EVERY DFLer: That means he has no plan! HAHAHAHA!
MITCH: Well , no. It means that he’s saving the plan for the campaign homestretch. Because until sometime between Labor Day and Election Day, the only people who really care about politics, especially specifics of things like “plans”, are wonks, “journalists” and political junkies. All releasing a plan right before people actually give a crap does is give the DFL time to frame it before any actual voters – including undecideds actually give a hoot.
EVERY DFLer: Yabbut, Mark Dayton has a plan!
MITCH: Right. And it’s full of holes and union swag and at the end of the day doesn’t even solve the problem it is putatively designed to deal with [Note: the link goes to my “Dayton Dustbowl” category, which will be the subject of about ten posts on Tuesday – Ed.]
EVERY DFLer: But he has a plan! Emmer doesn’t!
MITCH: Oh, I think you can count on seeing a plan starting to come out any day now.
EVERY DFLer: Yeah, but it’s not out now! It doesn’t count!
MITCH: So when Emmer does come out with a plan, your entire attack falls flat…
EVERY DFLer: No! Because Emmer doens’t have a plan!
MITCH: But when he does come out with his plan…
EVERY DFLer: Emmer doesn’t have a plan!
MITCH: But when he does come out with his plan…
EVERY DFLer: Emmer doesn’t have a plan!
MITCH: But when he does come out with his plan…
EVERY DFLer: Emmer doesn’t have a plan!
MITCH: But when he does come out with his plan…
EVERY DFLer: Emmer doesn’t have a plan!
EVERY DFLer: Emmer doesn’t have a plan!
EVERY DFLer: Emmer doesn’t have a plan!
MITCH: OK, let’s try a different tack, here. Let’s say, hypothetically, that a candidate – let’s call him “Ron Bremmer” – comes out with a plan to cut spending and hold the line on taxes, maybe even cut ’em, while re-engineering government so that it doesn’t eat up every nickel in overtaxation with frivolous spending when the times are good, like the DFL and the old, RINO MNGOP did from 1968 through 1992. What then.
EVERY DFLer: …
MITCH: Well?
EVERY DFLer: …
MITCH: It’s a hypothetical question.
EVERY DFLer: …
MITCH: What would you do?
EVERY DFLer: Your a racist who hates immigrants and gay people!
MITCH: No, I’m not.
EVERY DFLer: Target! Trigg Trigg Trigg Trigg! Best Buy! What about the children?!?!
That pretty much covers it.
UPDATE: Schwoops – someday just came! Emmer is reportedly unveiling the first part of his plan later today.
Stay tuned.
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