Where's A Can Of Mace When I Need One?
Minneapolis.
Criminals running amok. A revolving-door justice system. A County Attorney more interested in running for higher office than doing her job.
Zombies in the streets:
Ralphi Rechitsky said he and six friends who were arrested while dressed as "zombies" deserve a public apology from the Minneapolis police officers who arrested them downtown Saturday night and kept them in jail until Monday.
"They [the police] instructed us they'd shoot us in the head," he said.
Rule number one of dealing with pretentious art-fops: never go for the head shot when a flashlight to the groin will do fine.
And Jamie Jones also wants police assurance that they aren't going to shoot members of the group.
"We want a written apology. Our constitutional rights were taken away," she said.
Members of the group danced Saturday to music from portable stereos on a Nicollet Mall corner. Some were dressed in tattered clothing and were covered in faux blood, and several had wires protruding from their backpacks.
Police have said that the group was uncooperative and intimidated passersby with their "ghoulish" makeup at a time when officers were on high alert after a bulletin about men in other states who wore clown makeup while attacking and robbing people.
OK, seriously - nobody, not even the fabled Angryclown, supports the First Amendment like I do.
But I'm not sure what bothers me more; that people think that their right to free speech means an unrestricted right to be a nuisance, or that someone in Minneapolis didn't mace one of the "dancers":
Rechitsky said Tuesday that police approached the group and said people had called to say they didn't want the zombies there. The police asked them to tone it down and left, said Jake Sternberg.
But 1½ hours later, four officers arrived and told the zombies that their sergeant had instructed them to see the performers' IDs, group members said.
So - they neither "Toned it down" nor "left"?
I mean, the story doens't say, but can we assume this?
Because police get a little peevish if you don't follow things like "legal orders"...
"We said we don't have any identification," Sternberg said.
The zombies said they then went to the First Precinct station, where they were ordered to take off their backpacks and were taken away one-by-one to be questioned, Sternberg said.
"And they told the group they would be charged with possession of simulated weapons of mass destruction," Sternberg said.
More like "weapons of crass pretension".
One more thing bothers me; that this is in the newspaper at all. Because if we're to believe the police, these "kids" need to work on the whole "settle on a story" bit:
First Precinct Inspector Janee Harteau said the case remains under investigation. The comments and accusations by the group are changing, she said, but she declined to comment on specific allegations.
Rechitsky said: "Police are supposed to be public servants. They shouldn't be terrorizing people."
And zombies are supposed to be something the good guy mows down with a chainsaw and a shotgun.
Hey, I saw Army of Darkness.
Posted by Mitch at
July 26, 2006 07:07 AM
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Move to Fargo. The only zombies we have are Ed Schultz and the nightcrawlers in the yard.
You guys get all the interesting people.
Posted by: chris at July 26, 2006 08:55 AMIs it possible the comment was tounge and cheek?
Anyone who has seen at least two Zombie movies knows that the only way to stop a zombie is to shoot it in the head -- and there is almost always someone in the movie that states that.
From Night of the Living Dead to Shaun of the Dead, it's a mainstay axiom of Zombie lore.
Posted by: Nordeaster at July 26, 2006 09:45 AMGood point, Nord. But everybody also knows that zombies need to eat brains. From the evidence of this blog, any zombies in Minnesota would starve pretty quickly.
Posted by: angryclown at July 26, 2006 10:11 AMWell, this state DOES lean pretty consistently to the left, so AC's got that part pegged.
Posted by: Bill C at July 26, 2006 10:37 AMI've pretty much reached the conclusion that everything AC knows is wrong. Once you progress from that conclusion, the rest of his nonsensical snarkiness makes perfect sense.
Posted by: Ryan at July 26, 2006 11:19 AMOh really, Ryan? Zombies don't eat brains? I bet you also think trying to hide in a mall is a good idea.
The time it takes the zombies to grab you and try to locate your brain just gives Angryclown that much more time to escape.
Posted by: angryclown at July 26, 2006 11:30 AMI actually know people who know these people, and they're blinded by the fact that these are their "friends". Your friends don't know how to deal with the cops, so your friends chose jail!
Posted by: headsmack at July 26, 2006 11:38 AMHey, look, AC is commenting again and. . .
*ignore*
Posted by: Ryan at July 26, 2006 11:49 AMThe big thing to remember about the Clown - I should call it Berg's First Law, really - is that everything, *everything* he says is designed to yank chains.
Clown is to yanking chains what Stalin was to murdering people; relentless, constant, and efficient.
To put another way - if you change context from political enemies (real or imagined) to chain-yanking, Clown is like Pol Pot.
Or, to put it one final way - if chain-yanking comments were ignorant, self-absorbed, insular, self-referential urban hicks with no concept of the world more than five miles from their home and office, Clown is New York City.
I hope that helps.
Posted by: mitch at July 26, 2006 12:32 PMHiding out in the mall is a good idea IF there is a well supplied gun store there. Not across the street. Actually, all you would need is a couple of 10-22's, deer scopes and lots and lots of ammo. And maybe a couple of Hummers on display in the mall, for when your ready to leave.
Posted by: buzz at July 26, 2006 12:38 PMI know that AC is the Chain-Yanker-in-Chief, Mitch. Sometimes though, when magazine deadlines are looming and authors aren't getting back to me and it feels like the stress is going to pound me into the ground, it's just easier to spout comments at AC's nonsense than to actually vent here at work. It's like a cleansing exhale.
Oh, and your comment filters are getting simply ridiculous.
Posted by: Ryan at July 26, 2006 12:44 PMOh, good thinking, buzzkill! Where you gonna drive that Hummer? Zombies everywhere! Sure you've got a gun, but how do you shoot when you're desperate to sleep? And what are you going to eat when the Orange Julius stand runs out? How many entrances do you think you're going to have to secure in a mall? Maybe 30? Not smart, buzzkill, not smart!
Posted by: angryclown at July 26, 2006 12:47 PMActually, the mall isn't that bad... the roof is a pretty good location. How many doors are there on the roof?
Posted by: Badda-Blogger at July 26, 2006 12:51 PMHmmmm... Orange Juuuulius.
Magazine deadlines, Ryan? Don't tell me: closing the September issue of Cat Fancy? Highlights? Modern Bestiality?
Posted by: angryclown at July 26, 2006 01:15 PMHey assclown, how goes things? Long time no snarl. Anyway, I figured I would drive my Hummer pretty much anywhere I wanted. Nice steel sides should be zombie proof. Self sealing inflatable tires in case I ran over a sharp zombie. Obviously you would want a mall with a filling station nearby, but hey! No waiting in line and free gas, so who care what sort of miles you get. I assume there is a sears in my mall, so I would get some chain and secure all the doors. It worked against my rival high school back in '79, it should work here. Plus no fire marshal to contend with like back in '79. I figure we can whittle down the zombies with the .22's without much problem. Since the zombies are outside, and I am inside I should sleep pretty good, especially if I score one of those mattress stores in my mall. As far as Orange Julius, that would be the last resort for food, my mall would have a well equipped food court. By the time the food ran out the military should have the situation taken care of. If not, then restock with the Hummer and start heading to Montana.
Posted by: buzz at July 26, 2006 01:17 PMWhat, you think we don’t make plans for this sort of thing?
buzzkill, a/k/a "zombie roadkill" said: "By the time the food ran out the military should have the situation taken care of. If not, then restock with the Hummer and start heading to Montana."
Oh sure, Bush lands on the Abraham Lincoln and he's all "Mission Accomplished, we killed all the zombies!" Meanwhile there's still zombies!
I'm sticking with Cheney. Everybody knows he can deliver a head-shot.
Posted by: angryclown at July 26, 2006 01:29 PMActually, AC, it's Chain-Yankers Monthly. I believe you're on the subscriber list. You'll love the August issue; it has an article entitled "How To Feel Superior When You're Actually a Moron And Everybody Knows It."
Posted by: Ryan at July 26, 2006 01:39 PMTo each his own, I guess. While I like Cheney, he has had heart problems in the past and I dont know if going into battle against zombies with someone with heart problems is the best idea. You did notice, I assume, that when Bush landed on the carrier, there were no zombies. Coincidence? I dont remember the banner saying "Mission Accomplished, we killed all the zombies!", but the point remains, no zombies at that point. Would we be zombie free if Kerry had won? I think not. They would have a seat in the UN, probably on the security council and Kerry would be deep in negotiations with the French to get their permission to grant the Zombies their own Zombie state. Probably in Kansas. Maybe Oklahoma.
Posted by: buzz at July 26, 2006 01:47 PMGood point, Buzz Lightyear. With that heart of his, Cheney's a dead man walking. Dead... man... Wait just a minute....
ZOMBIE!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: angryclown at July 26, 2006 01:54 PMNonsense. If you can't hone your zombie detection skills better than that, your going to end up outside the chained doors to my mall.
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