Shot In The Dark: Tragically Hip

January 25, 2006

Tragically Hip

Via Chad, I see that Minneapolis/Saint Paul magazine has screwed up again.

While I did a long, involved interview for their "Hipster Survey" - their annual survey of their writers' drinking buddies - the copy editor, still miffed over my drubbing her in an article about strategic defense back in 1998, left my article out.

So, with their permission for the "oversight" (I'm assured the copy editor will never do lunch in this town again), I reprint my interview.

Hipster Survey

Mitch Berg

He's the next generation of amateur pundit in this town. He proves that a blogger can work, drive, and find new opportunities to work too hard for free. The naturally irritating, overly-strident and reflexively partisan Berg is a versatile performer who has worked the at more companies than most people have underwear. But apparently that was not enough. So this fella with a flame in ihs belly recently launched his pet project, "Minnesota Elite Radio" with a mission of making radio accessible to nobody - literally, radio that is too good for every audience.

Where do you live?
Saint Paul. Suburbs are for pansies.

With whom?
My daughter, my son, my dog, my cat, my mortgage.

What’s your coffeehouse/coffeeshop?
The one with the arrogant barrista who's really a novelist.

What’s your Sunday breakfast spot?
Any place where I can feed three without taking out a second mortgage. Usually ends up being my kitchen.

What do you drive?
The agenda.

No, seriously: Anything cheap and reliable. Right now, an '01 Taurus.

What sites do you surf for news?
Anything but ABC, CBS, NBC or CNN.

What’s the first thing you read in the Strib?
I flip straight to the incisive, entertaining analysis of Kim Ode.

What’s on your morning drive dial?
Laura Ingraham (Patriot), Barnard (KQ) and MPR (my fillings)

When not in town, where are you?
Pfffft. I'm always in town. Give me a break. I haven't had a "vacation" in years.

Who’s your local band/musician?
The one that the people at the City Pages just love, that writes all the depressing songs about being a 20-something musician living in the Wedge. You know - that one.

Where do you have season tickets?
To the University Avenue Passing Freak Show. Every season for the past 18.

What’s your apparel store(s)?
My apparel store? I'm a straight male, slick; I don't "have" a store. I just go to them.

Where’s your favorite “go to” place that always seems to have just the right thing?
Willie's American Guitars. Not that I can buy much...

Where do you get take-out?
Black Sea, the turkish joint on Snelling. There is no better.

What’s your bakery?
"My" bakery, Gelpe's, is long gone. Bastards.

Where do you mall?
Any shopping center where anyone who uses "Mall" as a verb gets their ass kicked.

Where are you on a Friday night?
8PM: Tipping my first drink, delighting the crowd with my repartee.
9PM: Face down in a pool of vomit.

That, or doing something with the kids.

Where’s your gallery(s)?
I don't have one; I just go. But I recommend you all patronize this very talented artist and highschool classmate of mine.

Who cuts your hair? Where?
Great Clips. On my head.

What are you really uptight about?
Dealing with the ramifications of my out of control hipness.

What’s your substance of choice?
I don't choose substances. Substances choose me.

What subjects are you a total geek over?
Any that allow me to lord my mastery over other people.

Where do you refuel? (recharge? feed your soul?)
At "Soul Fuel Feeder Recharger", this nifty joint Uptown.

What’s your date night?
8PM: Tipping my first drink, delighting the crowd with my repartee.
9PM: Face down in a pool of vomit.

What’s the most you’ve paid for a concert ticket?
People like me don't "pay" for "tickets". We're just there.

When you’re at your naughtiest, you…
8PM: Tipping my first drink, delighting the crowd with my repartee.
9PM: Face down in a pool of vomit.

What’s your beauty/grooming thing?
Zipping up.

What’s your workout? Where?
8PM: Tipping my first drink, delighting the crowd with my repartee.
9PM: Face down in a pool of vomit.

Who (or what’s) the service provider you can’t live without?
R and M Sanitation.

What’s your favorite night?
Whatever night Karl Rove tells me is my favorite.

What’s the next performance you’ll attend?
My conference call with my bill collectors.

What’s an arts organization you support?
The MOB.

What’s your nightcap?
8PM: Tipping my first drink, delighting the crowd with my repartee.
9PM: Face down in a pool of vomit.

Where’s the afterparty?
People like me don't do "afterparties". We are afterparties.

What’s your favorite restaurant for:

* food?

Black Sea. If you don't know the place, you don't rate.

* quality?

No restaurant could afford to live up to my quality standards.

* late night?

White Castle

* scene?

There will never be another 26th and Hennepin Embers during weekend bar rush.

* impress your date?

Any place I'm at will impress my date. Unless she's a brain-dead skeeze.

* impress your client?

Any place I'm at will impress my client. Unless he/she's a brain-dead dimbulb. When I start having "clients", again, anyway.

Who’s your favorite Twin Citian?
Jed Tostengaard.

Hear me now – X will be Y in 6 months. . .
x = "The subjects of Minneapolis/Saint Paul's "Hipster Survey..."
y = "...so 2005".

Posted by Mitch at January 25, 2006 07:57 AM | TrackBack

Comments

Best line of all:

"What’s your beauty/grooming thing?
Zipping up."

Classic!

Posted by: Bill C at January 25, 2006 10:11 AM

Oh Scheiss!

I work for an hour and more on what I feel was a neat post on my blog and Mitch blows me out of the water once again. Don't rest on your laurels, Bergster -- The student will someday vault over the teacher.

Great Frigg'n Stuff, Mitch

Posted by: Wog at January 25, 2006 01:04 PM

look at this liberal woosey blog

http://inhershadow.blogspot.com/

Posted by: surflooker at January 25, 2006 01:56 PM

I nominate Mitch for Mpls./St. Paul's "Top Doc" in Fisking.

Posted by: Nancy at January 25, 2006 04:03 PM

Awesome. I'm totally googling Jed Tostengaard.

Sorry about my verb choices.

Posted by: stevemarsh at January 25, 2006 10:12 PM

I have not laughed so much or so loud for such a long time! All of you need to understand, I went to highschool with this guy. When you overlay Mitch's responses with who he is...wait, when did you get a 'repartee'? Who would have guessed that reading the blog of an old high school class mate could drive you to tears laughing so hard! (I drive a Dodge with a Hemi...my living room floor is flooded!)

Keep it up Mitch.

"Great Frigg'n Stuff".....sounds like a red head Canadian the went to school with us....could it be?

Posted by: chris at January 25, 2006 11:39 PM

Mitch, in case you didn't get my e-mail on this regarding my silly, couldn't-believe-it-would-ever-be-taken-seriously, unless-somebody-was-without-a-sense-of-parody-humor comment, please delete it. Honestly, SOME PEOPLE.

Posted by: Ryan at January 26, 2006 11:50 PM

bwahahaha!

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