November 01, 2004

100 Reasons I'm Voting For Bush, Not Kerry

I'm not going to do any grandiloquent endorsement; nobody asked me, and nobody cares. I'm not going to tell you how to vote. You're mostly adults, and for better or worse, you all have the same right to vote that everyone else has.

I'm just going to list 100 reasons to vote for Bush, and/or against Kerry.

And I'll see you at the polls tomorrow.

  1. Because he doesn't have a law degree. Lawyers, bless 'em, have a way of dealing with reality that is so...lawyerly. It's a nice switch to have a businessman in charge of things - it's a worldview I can relate to.
  2. Because he's an alcoholic who has been recovering successfully for longer that most of us can quit drinking coffee. That takes character.
  3. George Bush has never told me to "wake up".
  4. Because the various tyrants of the middle east want Kerry.
  5. Because so does Jacques Chirac
  6. I'm not going to say "Bin Laden Endorses Kerry" - but when Bin Laden goes to sleep at night, who do you think he dreams will have his head stuffed and mounted above the fireplace in the East Wing?.
  7. Because I'm realizing that abortion is a more important issue to me than I thought. And Kerry is a hypocrite on the issue.
  8. Because partial-birth abortion is inexcusable, yet Kerry excuses it.
  9. Because Bush gives us at least a remote chance of reforming Social Security.
  10. Ditto the Income Tax system. Bush has expressed interest in either the flat tax or the national sales tax, either of which would be an improvement over what we have now.
  11. Because the words "Massachusetts Liberal" mean something.
  12. Because that something is worse than "Minnesota Liberal", which itself is a horror to behold.
  13. Because I work hard for my money.
  14. Because Michael Stipe supports Kerry.
  15. And Ricky Skaggs supports Bush.
  16. Because Kerry met with the North Vietnamese.
  17. And they still appreciate it.
  18. Although the POWs and MIA's don't. Or shouldn't.
  19. Because tax cuts are always good. Always. Especially if they force you to cut spending.
  20. Because I think we can force Bush to cut spending.
  21. Because hundreds of union goons can't be right.
  22. Because the field among Democrat hate sites is getting a bit crowded, what with MoveOn, ACT, Democratic Underground and; the field could use some winnowing, and a GOP win would impose a little market discipline on things.
  23. Because the more I think about it, the less I support gay marriage. Civil unions, yes. Marriage? Not so much. The constitutional amendment is a dumb idea (and I think the administration knows it, and it's just a campaign year prop anyway); the notion behind it, I'm coming more and more to believe, is not.
  24. Because I believe the Swifties. I can't imagine 300 men of that age, from that era, from such diverse backgrounds and with such diverse politics, agreeing on anything - and yet they agree that John Kerry's Vietnam record is a fraud. And they've spent the last eight months charging into the teeth of the Democrat spin machine to tell us the truth, the same mediatainment/political spin machine that destroyed Juanita Broaderrick and Kathleen Willey and Paula Jones and everyone else that dared cross the Democrats. That's not a smear job. That's courage. And my vote is my thanks to them.
  25. Because of the "Winter Soldier" testimony. US troops did commit atrocities in Vietnam - this was well-known by 1971. For Kerry to exaggerate and generalize them to jumpstart his political career was beneath contempt.
  26. Because I'd love to see George Soros' face when he realizes how much money he's poured down the big craphole in the past few years.
  27. Not to mention the looks of the faces of his bought-off, trite, hate-choked minions who keep the craphole humming.
  28. Because Laura Bush has more class in her little finger than Tereza has in her whole pedigree.
  29. Because George Bush rescued "the Clinton Military" from its decline from the "Clinton Years", and just in the nick of time.
  30. Because I'm dying to see Katie Couric's face the morning after.
  31. Because John Kerry will reduce the deficit - by raising taxes.
  32. Raising taxes kills jobs. Including mine.
  33. Because he stumbles on stage, often seems inarticulate and unpolished. I've spent a good chunk of my life earning a living trying to sound just the opposite, and know "polish" for what it is; an artifice that has nothing to do with what's inside. Hitler and Churchill were both wonderfully polished speakers; Abraham Lincoln and Joseph Stalin were not. Which two do you think would "win" the debates? Which two would you want as your leader? It was what was inside, not how they expressed themselves, that counted - and counts.
  34. Because for all the lying palaver about "Bush will institute a draft", it's worth noting that every draft since the Civil War was instituted by Democrats (including Selective Service registration, instituted by Jimmy Carter), and repealed by Republicans.
  35. And the Democrats, given their simple-mindedness on foreign policy ("Let's let the UN do our thinking for us!") and puerility on defense, are much more likely to get us into a situation where we'll need a draft. Or at least they'll think so.
  36. Because it'll make Michael Moore's head explode.
  37. ...not to mention Garrison Keillor, Barbra Steisand, Ira Glass, Atrios, and the whole staff of the City Pages.
  38. Because Edwards primps for cameras
  39. ...while Bush flips them off.
  40. Jenna and, especially, Barbara - oy.
  41. Because while I've been a conservative for over 20 years, I grew up a Democrat, around enough Democrats to care what happens to the party. John F. Kennedy and Harry Truman would puke if they saw what Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi and Michaal Moore had done with their party. If you're a responsible Democrat, so should you. Help your party re-discover its real legacy by sending John Kerry back to palookaville.
  42. Because Jimmy Carter endorsed Kerry.
  43. Because under pressure, the record shows that Kerry is a vacuous hamster.
  44. Because Bush's daughters were little hellions. It makes me feel better to know that my president has had to deal with some of the same day to day problems I do.
  45. I get the impression the Kerry daughters were raised by servants. John Kerry's life as a parent, if it exists, is almost completely absent from his persona.
  46. Because I love my country more than I love the UN.
  47. Because George Bush represents the positive side of the legacy of the Cold War; America as a nation confident in its beliefs and in what is right.
  48. Because John Kerry represents the worst of what I remember of the Cold War; the return to the balance of fear, waiting for "imminent threats" before taking (impotent and misguided) action.
  49. Because Kerry consistently mistakes "plans" and "summits" and "negotiation" for productive action.
  50. Because Bush takes chances, even risks his presidency, to do the right thing. Can you see Bill Clinton doing that? John Kerry? Not a chance.
  51. Kerry's idea of "the right thing" changes depending on the audience he's talking with.
  52. Because of Bush's September 20, 2001 speech to Congress after 9/11.
  53. Because while Bush read a book to grade school kids for seven minutes on 9/11 while he and his staff tried to gain awareness of the situation, John Kerry spent forty minutes sitting around like a cow that had been stunned by a whack on the head.
  54. Because after the alleged seven minutes were over, George W. Bush accomplished more in the following two months than John Kerry did in his entire political career.
  55. Because I want to see the look on Steve Perry and Mark Gisleson's faces in January, 2009 when they haven't been hauled off to re-education camps after all.
  56. Because the Teachers Union...
  57. ...and the AFL-CIO...
  58. ...and AFSCME can't all be right. They never really are when it comes to these things.
  59. Because George Bush has done nothing for which he needs to apologize.
  60. Because Kerry has.
  61. Because while John Kerry natters on about the minimum wage, George Bush is talking about increasing community and technical education, which is the real route out of poverty for most people that are actually interested in getting out of it...
  62. Because of the frenetic hatred Bush inspires in moonbats. I don't think much of the character or intellect of many of Bush's most raving opponents, and I didn't long before I'd ever heard of George W. Bush; I figure that anyone they detest so badly must be all right.
  63. Because hundreds of thousands of European protesters can't be right.
  64. Because nations that genuinely value freedom - Poland, Bulgaria, Romania, the Czechs, the South Koreans, even the Japanese - supported us in Iraq...
  65. ...and John Kerry, "Diplomat", repudiated them. As have too many of his peabrained supporters.
  66. And I'll take the Poles, ROKs and Brits over the French any day - diplomatically, economically, morally or militarily. If Kerry's yapping about "allies"...well, we have the ones that matter already.
  67. Kerry voted against the '91 Gulf War, when we had every single "ally" we could have gotten, including the French.
  68. Because I have a deep-seated desire never to see John Kerry throwing a basebell ever again.
  69. Because then Air America can go off the air, freeing up precious frequencies nationwide for productive programming. Like more oldies stations.
  70. Because while a Kerry victory would guarantee the conservative blogosphere and the Northern Alliance years of material, a Bush victory would be good for the economy, freedom and the world. In balance, the Bush thing gets the nod.
  71. Because maybe, just maybe, Hollywood will get the hint; nobody cares what they think.
  72. Ditto rock musicians.
  73. And authors.
  74. Because it'll be another nail in the coffin of the stultifying, Frenchifying, authoritarian statism (I refuse to call it "liberalism") that has sclerosed the arteries of academia, the media, the bureaucracy and the other big institutions of American life for the past forty years.
  75. Because it'll be one more step in taking the word "liberal" back from the statists that have been abusing the word for so long.
  76. Because Kerry and (especially) his surrogates and minions have run a cowardly, deceitful, cravenly ugly campaign...
  77. ...and I think that's a foreshadowing of how they'd run the country, heaven forfend.
  78. Because the mullahs can get their nuclear fuel the old-fashioned way - buying it from Kim Jong-Il.
  79. Because John Kerry has probably read Von Clausewitz, and still doesn't realize that one does not win wars on the defensive. Putting oneself on the defensive allows your opponent to choose the place, time, intensity and pacing of the attacks; it puts you in reactive mode, and if he can act faster than you can react, you're done. Dead. Over.
  80. I don't know if Bush has read Clausewitz - but he understands him.
  81. Because this country is a better place with Republicans in charge. Lower taxes, lower spending, smaller government...oops. Yeah, we conservatives have to take our party back. Guess what? It's easier to do when you're in office.
  82. Qadaffhi. He gets it.
  83. Because Yassir Arafat doesn't belong in the White House (assuming he's able to attend a Kerry inauguration)
  84. Because the Media deserves a huge, stinging rebuke for having been in the tank for the left for the past 30 years. Will this hurt, Mainstream Media? Good.
  85. Because I wasn't originally a Bush supporter. I supported Forbes. I voted for Bush, but wasn't enthusiastic about him - until 9/11. And especially the week after - the sermon on the rubble, the address to Congess, and the decisive action that followed. Bush earned my trust as has no leader since Reagan.
  86. Five words - Madeline Albright, Secretary of State Emeritus.
  87. Because George Bush doesn't act like an east-coast patrician.
  88. Because John Kerry won't let you forget that he's an arrogant east coast brahmin.
  89. Because George Bush doesn't beat "Baby Boomer" into your head, even though he is one.
  90. Because John Kerry oozes "baby boomer", even though technically he isn't.
  91. Because John Kerry thinks that "World Terrorism" equals "Osama Bin Laden" - like Hussein never supported terror.
  92. Because Bush understands how ludicrous that idea is.
  93. Because John Kerry is the candidate of the '70s - the intellectual and moral descendant of Jimmy Carter.
  94. Because George Bush is the candidate of 9/12/01 - the moral descendant of Reagan.
  95. Because I remember how 9/11 looked, sounded, felt.
  96. Because I remember how afraid my kids looked when I picked them up from school.
  97. And I remember how afraid even I felt that day.
  98. And I remember how the President led this nation in the hours, days and weeks that followed. I remember how he took the point, stood on the rubble, and led from the well in Congress days later, before the shock had even begun to wear off. He ran ahead of the nattering classes, and by God, he and his administration enacted a strategery that has put 75% of Al Quaeda's leadership into shallow holes or ratty jails or rendered them into bug-food deep inside caves, while his opponents would still be chattering about the proper procedure for filing the subpoenas needed to get witnesses. This we can never forget.
  99. Bush hasn't forgotten. Kerry remembers what's convenient.
  100. Because we're at war. And John Kerry is not a serious leader for a nation at war. And don't want to learn how to co-exist with this war - I want it over.
See you at the polls.

UPDATE and BUMP UP: Gerard Van Der Leun has fifty reasons, and with the pictures, it adds up to about 100,000 words. Read it. It's essential.

Posted by Mitch at November 1, 2004 01:03 PM | TrackBack

Ninety-nine is enough...great post.

Posted by: Pious Agnostic at November 1, 2004 08:10 AM

When I saw the subject header, I didn't believe anyone actually list 100 reasons and do it convincingly. You made me a believer.

Posted by: Drew at November 1, 2004 08:28 AM

Five words - Madeline Albright, Secretary of State Emeritus.

Yikes. Ok ok Ill vote for Bush. JK Great post!!

Posted by: sgt Fluffy at November 1, 2004 12:23 PM

I can't believe you beat me by 50 and beat me well.

Posted by: Gerard Van der Leun at November 1, 2004 12:36 PM

How did you crawl inside my head to get this list?

Posted by: Brian Helmken at November 1, 2004 12:52 PM

PA: I live to serve.

Drew & Sarge: My work here is done!

Gerard: Mine is a stream of consciousness, a ramble. Yours is a work of art. Everyone make sure you like back to Gerard's post (I'll be adding the link and trackback...)

Brian: I didn't crawl in your head. Karl Rove did. :-)

Posted by: mitch at November 1, 2004 01:02 PM

How perfectly perfect.

Thank you.

Posted by: Laura J. at November 1, 2004 01:47 PM

Thanks, I needed this. I've been very pessimistic lately, this helps. I still remember the color draining out of Judy Woodruff's face in 2000 when CNN had to take Florida off the board. Oh, would I love to see that sight again!

Posted by: Rex at November 1, 2004 05:55 PM

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Reading this has made my heart sing.

Posted by: Donna at November 1, 2004 07:46 PM

Thank-you for helping me remember all of the reasons I love this man.

Posted by: Robin at November 1, 2004 08:35 PM

33. Hitler and Churchill were both wonderfully polished speakers; Abraham Lincoln and Joseph Stalin were not. Which two do you think would "win" the debates? Which two would you want as your leader?

Don't you actually want to pair Hitler with Stalin, and Lincoln with Churchill? I'm confused, it sounds like you're endorsing Stalin.

Posted by: Mary at November 1, 2004 10:35 PM

101. Because his discharge from the U. S. Navy was "less than honorable."

Posted by: Larry at November 1, 2004 10:48 PM

Okay, half of your reasons are total bs and aren't plausible at all. You really should have saved yourself some time and stopped trying to make up 100 bogus reasons to vote for Bush. Ten good reasons would have been stretching it, but 100 is way out of control. Vote Kerry if you have any intellect!

Posted by: Katie--Kerry all the way! at November 2, 2004 01:10 AM


THe point was, I paired two great orators - one a good human and one boundlessly evil - and two less-renowned orators, also one good and one evil. Odds are good that if we were to put the four of them together, Hitler and Churchill would win the debates; I'd prefer to have a Lincoln/Churchill ticket anyway.

Katie - would you care to get specific? Because from where I sit, every single one of my reasons are not only plausible, but dead-on, and I could think of no non-josh reasons to vote for Kerry. KErry is a hamster. If elected, he'd be the worst president in history by 11AM on inauguration day.

As to the "any intellect" crack - well, people who use that sort of line really have none, themselves.

Posted by: mitch at November 2, 2004 03:18 AM

I met "Katie" at the polls the other day here in FL. She made me think of every 'dumb blonde' joke I'd ever heard, and she wasn't even blonde! Just another product of our biased public schools system--knew nothing about the world, but was going to vote the way MTV and Eminem told her to come hell or high water. To think a couple of my best friends have died protecting her right to do so is irritating to say the least--However, in the end, we are the greatest nation in the world with some of the greatest leadership regardless of 'our' ignorance! Intellect--Ha!

Posted by: fingers at November 2, 2004 07:20 AM

1. Was the way Lincoln delt with slaverly too lawyerly for you?
2. Dry drunk means something to me.
6. Bin Laden hates America, not Bush. Plus he's going to heaven anyway in his own mind, is he really scared of dying at all?
41. Doesn't Ron Regan say that his father would puke if he saw what Bush has done to his party?
52. What about the "Mission Accomplished" speech? Especially when paired with the debate line from 2000 about America not being a police force?

After losing the campaign, I decided to look and see why people had voted for Bush. I find it kind of sick that people would vote to punish bloggers, liberals, newscasters, rockstars and actors. I also find your very limited use of sources a bit alarming. I find "fingers" deragatory remarks to be silly, especially given your endorsement by Ricky Skaggs (whoever the hell that is).

Finally what about Jenna and Barbara. Do you think they're attractive or what? That just lost me there. Anyway I'm happy to have read your list, but all in all it is terrible, and unfortunately (for me) too many people think like you do. And remember a ban on marriage ammendments is not an addition to the constitution it is the removal of a right that people have now. That sounds way to much like every regressive policy that every theo-facist regime has ever put into place.

Posted by: tom at November 4, 2004 06:00 PM