October 11, 2004

Kerry On Water

What do you think would happen if you asked key celebs what kind of water they drank?

Let's think about it.

I'm going to take some guesses here:

GEORGE W. BUSH - "WATER? Hmm. Whatever they have, Ah guess..."

DONALD RUMSFELD: "What kind of stupid question is that?"

DICK CHENEY: "Tap water. Next question".

TERRY MACAULIFFE: "Halliburton is poisoning the tap water!"

ATRIOS: "I only drink Kool-Aid".

JOHN EDWARDS: "Ah drink the same watuh mah daddy used to drink at the mee-ull"

I was going to write John Kerry's answer, but Matt Bai's NYTimes puffpiece already provided it, in a vignette from an interview:
A row of Evian water bottles had been thoughtfully placed on a nearby table. Kerry frowned.

''Can we get any of my water?'' he asked Stephanie Cutter, his communications director, who dutifully scurried from the room. I asked Kerry, out of sheer curiosity, what he didn't like about Evian.

''I hate that stuff,'' Kerry explained to me. ''They pack it full of minerals.''

''What kind of water do you drink?'' I asked, trying to make conversation.

''Plain old American water,'' he said.

''You mean tap water?''

''No,'' Kerry replied deliberately. He seemed now to sense some kind of trap. I was left to imagine what was going through his head. If I admit that I drink bottled water, then he might say I'm out of touch with ordinary voters. But doesn't demanding my own brand of water seem even more aristocratic? Then again, Evian is French -- important to stay away from anything even remotely French.

''There are all kinds of waters,'' he said finally. Pause. ''Saratoga Spring.'' This seemed to have exhausted his list. ''Sometimes I drink tap water,'' he added.

Not "anything but Evian". Not even "I like Dasani because it's a good American brand!". No - he picked his bottled water for pure political effect.

Clinton's biggest flaw was that he seemed to make every political decision based on potential political fallout; some of these decisions, especially his poll-driven reticence to truly engage the terrorists during the nineties, were in retrospect terrible. And yet Clinton could act from a certain amount of pragmatic common sense; sending cruise missiles at empty tents and aspirin factories was a bad, halfhearted decision, but it was made on what seemed good intelligence, and he didn't ask for French permission to do it.

With Kerry, you get the worst of both worlds; a craven, poll-driven decision process, driven by an agenda straight out of 1972.

Posted by Mitch at October 11, 2004 10:30 AM | TrackBack

All Liberals drink Evian....and it makes sense since they want us to go backwards as a nation and reverse our progress, The word Evian spells the word Naive in the mirror...

Posted by: The Doctor at October 11, 2004 02:22 PM

But if he did drink Evian... well you would tell that damn Frenchman his kind isn't wanted here.

Gotta have it both ways, right?

Well, at least he prefers water to liquor.

Posted by: Carson at October 11, 2004 02:52 PM

Actually, I love Evian, and drink it by the gallon.

But don't let that stop the relentless stereotyping!

I'm told Bush prefers water even more...

Posted by: mitch at October 11, 2004 04:06 PM

Well since Bush doesn't drink alcohol I'm guessing that he drinks a lot of water. Or maybe sweet tea. It's probably a right wing conspiracy (a vast one at that) that the public doesn't know what kind of water President Bush drinks...

Posted by: Jarhead at October 11, 2004 09:57 PM

I think it's imperative that the President make public any records regarding the type of water he drinks. What is he hiding? Just sign the form, Mr. President!

Posted by: Drew at October 12, 2004 01:23 PM