"Three women, curious to observe the goings-on in this palace of male hedonism. They've heard the stories." What stories would those be? I stopped going to Hooters since it was always full of kids. Families, baseball teams, birthday parties, etc etc etc. Every one I have been to in 1/2 dozen states has been like that. I guess I need to try the ones up there.
"That girl doesn't have big hooters, she's probably a 'B' cup."
Possibly the reason it's named "Hooters", not "Big Hooters"
"What's the purpose of this elaborate procedure? Maximum boobage, of course."
Did he miss the whole business concept? Not the sharpest tool in the drawer, is he?

It's been eleven years (as long as I've been married) since I was dining at Hooters on a regular basis. My party usually shared a large plate of wings, which as I recall were not only presented well but were also some of the best wings in town.

More than once, I was told that the restaurant had run out of the regular wings and had to substitute another brand in its place. The substitute wings had 2-3 times as much meat as the usual! Amazing.

Another treat was the sauce. Since we were regulars, my party was granted the privilege of ordering "Death Wish" sauce, a tongue-burning peppery mush whose existence was not even acknowledged on the menu. After about fifteen "Death Wish" wings, our eyes were so filled with tears that the waitresses might as well have had flat hairy chests. Presentation doesn't matter when temporary blindness sets in.

Even when we could see, cup size was irrelevant if the waitress was pretty and/or friendly. In most cases, the waitresses were some of the nicest servers I've had the pleasure of meeting. They would sit at your table, have a nice chat, and really came off as respectable young women.

None of that would make a very interesting news article, I'm afraid. So if Mr. Horgen wants to treat his visit as applied anthropolgy, well, he's just doing his job. He might want to leave his lady friends at home next time.

"In most cases, the waitresses were some of the nicest servers I've had the pleasure of meeting. They would sit at your table, have a nice chat, and really came off as respectable young women."

...respectable young women who's average gratuity is in direct proportion to their ability to make you believe they're sitting at you table having a nice chat because they actually find you interesting.