Things Everyone Says I'm Supposed To Like, But I Just Don't
A by-no-means complete list:
- Spongebob Squarepants - It's clever. It's well written. It's jammed with sly references for the adults in the audience. It even makes me laugh, once in a while. But I hate it. Just hate it to death. I don't even entirely know why. Maybe it's that #@$#@^% "Reeeeeeeeeeally/Yes, Reaaaaaaaaaaally/Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally..." bit, or maybe that accursed laugh, I don't know. But I've concluded after years of trying to like the stupid cartoon that the only reason I like anything about the show is that it's rubbed me so far the wrong way it's almost gone full circle.
- Most Scotch - Oh, I'll admit I'm not immune to the charms of a snort of 30-year-old Laphraoig, if I've gotten warmed up on other stuff. But most Scotch - even most "good" scotch - tastes anywhere from fussy and anal-retentive to nose-clearingly unpleasant. There's a reason Scotland has remained conquered by the Brits, while the world's great Vodka producers - Russia, Poland, Finland and Sweden - remain independent.
- The Suburbs - The band, I mean. While I've seen them live a few times and admit they're a great bar band, their records always left me totally cold.
- The Suburbs - OK, now I'm talking about the geographical area. I admit, after last winter's go-rounds about the relative virtues of city and 'burb life, to have tried hard to keep an even more open mind about life in the subs. And after six months or so...it's not working. The tipping point? I was driving through a residential subdivision the other day, and my mind wandered, and suddenly I had to ask myself - "Where am I?" I couldn't tell if I was in Bloomington, Eden Prairie, Roseville, Brooklyn Park, Inver Grove Bites...for a moment or two, I literally could not tell where I was (it was Maple Grove). Y'all are welcome to your 'burbs, of course - but it's just not for me. (Of course, I won't rule out that a city income tax might improve my geographic memory...)
- Christian Rock - I'm a Christian. I'm a rocker. Surely the two must go together for me. But no - they don't. Now, there are (or have been) plenty of rockers who are Christians who have been very important to me - U2, The Alarm, King's X, Simple Minds, T-Bone Burnett and many, many more. But there's a "preaching to the choir" aspect of even good Christian rock that leaves both my faith and my rock and roll jones deeply unsatisfied.
- The SUV - Gas prices are pushing them out of fashion now - but even at their height, there's not been an SUV (since my old Jeep CJ7, anyway) that's attracted me. Too big, too expensive to run and maintain - and then there's that whole "I drive a big vehicle because I'm a lousy driver and I need to drive a battleship to compensate" thing going on.
- The Hybrid - Build a hybrid or a hydrogen car or an alt-fuel vehicle that looks like a '69 Chevelle rather than an art-deco toaster, and I'm on board.
That is all.
Posted by Mitch at
July 20, 2006 08:19 AM
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Agreed on SpongeBob. I'd often overhear the show in our house and be pleasantly surprised by some of its darker humor. When the movie was first announced, I thought, "Hmmm; here's a chance to take my kids to a movie I might actually enjoy..." But the dawning realization of actually sitting through 60-80 minutes of SpongeBob SquarePants sent shivers down my spine. My kids never asked and I never offered.
Still, I always enjoy hearing surly badass character actor Clancy Brown (sadistic head guard in Shawshank Redemption) affecting a silly pirate voice as Mr. Crabs.
Posted by: Ernst Stavro Blofeld at July 20, 2006 09:23 AMO oh, you rattled his cage, you slammed two of his most coveted issues, the burbs and the booze
JB comment in 5 . . 4 . . 3 . . 2
Posted by: Flash at July 20, 2006 10:03 AMA few more for your list:
Ren & Stimpy and Beevis & Butthead. The creator of the latter gave us Daria and King of the Hill which are both pure genius but B&B is just idiotic. Likewise for R&S which has too much toilet humor for my taste.
Will and Grace. There isn’t a single likeable character on the show and it pretty much just repeats the same jokes over and over.
Sex in the City. Does anyone seriously believe that the horse-faced Sarah Jessica Parker would be a successful fashion model? It doesn’t help the lead when the members of her “posse” (“oh look at me, I’m a white girl pretending to talk ‘street’ aren’t I ‘cool’” are each better looking than her Whiney self-absorbed little cry-babies.
Salsa. Disgusting. Nuff said.
Loving Soccer/Hating Soccer. I don’t get it. It’s a game that’s popular in other parts of the world but not one that I care to watch or play. Why should I feel compelled to convince my fellow citizens that we ought to follow the “rest of the world” or that despising it make us better than the “rest of the world”? It’s not like we need ANOTHER reason why we’re Numero Uno in the history of the human species.
American Idol. Never watched it, never cared to. The only “talent” show I ever watched was Star Search in the 1980’s when I was a kid and it wasn’t for the music.
Posted by: Thorley Winston at July 20, 2006 10:40 AMThorley - point by point:
R'nS/B'nB: Totally agree. Especially R'nS. Wish I could find Daria on DVD.
W'nG: Disagree, partly; never cared much for the show, but Sheila O'Malley makes a great case for the genius of Megan Mullally. The bits I've seen with her are pretty dang cool. Plus I wouldn't kick Debra Messing out of bed for eating crackers. Oh, hell - for eating a roast goat.
SitC: Never seen it. However, its impact on the dating world can not be either underestimated or excused.
Salsa: One of the world's greatest things. I grow a salsa garden pretty much every year, so I can make my own, in case the world salsa supply gets disrupted by terrorists. I am a step or two shy of putting salsa on pancakes and jello. Disagree, to say the least.
Soccer, pro/con: Agree.
AI: Have never watched. Except for Kelly Clarkson (see Debra Messing, above), never really wanted to.
Posted by: mitch at July 20, 2006 10:59 AMThorley -
"American Idol. Never watched it, never cared to. The only “talent” show I ever watched was Star Search in the 1980’s when I was a kid and it wasn’t for the music."
Surely you remember Puttin' On the Hits!...
...For lip synch a TWENTY-NINE!
...originality a TWENTY-NINE!
How someone could embarass themselves by appearing on the show is amazing to me... and I'm not talking about the contestants. That host was a TOTAL voice-puker. He was all about puking his voice. Funny sh*t!
Posted by: Badda-Blogger at July 20, 2006 12:17 PMThis is the guy!!!
http://www.killerreel.com/allen_fawcett/allen_fawcett.html
Dude! It's Allen Fawcett!
Posted by: Badda-Blogger at July 20, 2006 12:21 PMMegan Mulally was the AngryClown of "Will & Grace," except not as consistently funny.
Posted by: Brian Jones at July 20, 2006 01:19 PMYou have to admit it, at least Megan Mulally has writers and intentionally tries to be funny.
She also doesn't refer to herself in the third-person.
Posted by: Badda-Blogger at July 20, 2006 03:54 PMRE: Christian Rock - there's not much, but there a few that have been consistently excellent. Jennifer Knapp is the first in my head; also Pete Stewart's solo album and his grunge band, Grammatrain. Chagall Guevara, a bunch of Christian rock vets, released one outstanding "mainstream" CD on MCA with absolutely no promotional help that subsequently died; lyrically, the message was there, for those that cared to discern. The first and last albums by Jars of Clay are great. If metal is your thing - and I know it's not (Mitch) - Tourniquet, Demon Hunter, Living Sacrifice, Stavesacre are all worth a listen. Five Iron Frenzy was a good time third-wave ska band.
Like I said, there's not much, but it is out there. Just avoid KTIS and listen to 'net radio instead.
Posted by: SteveM at July 20, 2006 04:52 PM"Does anyone seriously believe that the horse-faced Sarah Jessica Parker would be a successful fashion model?"
Uh, Thorley, you do know that her character (and the person who wrote the book on which the show is based) was a newspaper column writer, not a fashion model, right? The one episode that might have you confused involved a fashion show combining real models with "real people" - her, Frank Rich, Ed Koch, et al.
Don't get me wrong, I'd still do her. But nobody was *asking* you to believe that she would be a successful fashion model, just that she was a successful writer who had expensive taste in clothes and shoes.
Posted by: Beeeej at July 20, 2006 05:58 PMAnd hey, Mitch - now that you've got the "ban every URL with 'al.com' in it" thing cleared up, it's also not accepting any e-mail address with "m a i l.com" in it. That includes Google Mail, currently my address of preference for posting on blogs.
I'm just sayin'.
Posted by: Beeeej at July 20, 2006 06:02 PMMost kind of you, "Brian Jones." I think. Angryclown has never seen "Will and Grace." But liked the swishy guy in that Martin-Lewis TV movie.
Posted by: angryclown at July 21, 2006 07:33 AMOh, and get over the Christian rock thing. Go listen to harp music. Rock belongs to Satan.
Posted by: angryclown at July 21, 2006 07:35 AMI can't believe Beavis and Butthead is getting dissed.
It's the Three Stooges of our era.
Only women think both shows are "Stupid"
The Cornholio episode was one for the ages and their video commentary was genius. My personal fave: REM video comes on
Beavis: Hey, Butthead what's this?
Butthead: Oh oh
Beavis: What? What?
Butthead: It's college music
PS
Posted by: JB Doubtless at July 21, 2006 09:21 AMMitch, how's that commute from your urban paradise out to the suburbs twice daily? It's gotta take what, 45 minutes each way? (heh heh heh)
I can't believe Beavis and Butthead is getting dissed.
It's the Three Stooges of our era.
Only women think both shows are "Stupid"
The Cornholio episode was one for the ages and their video commentary was genius. My personal fave: REM video comes on
Beavis: Hey, Butthead what's this?
Butthead: Oh oh
Beavis: What? What?
Butthead: It's college music
PS
Posted by: JB Doubtless at July 21, 2006 09:22 AMMitch, how's that commute from your urban paradise out to the suburbs twice daily? It's gotta take what, 45 minutes each way? (heh heh heh)
Clown,
Posted by: Badda-Blogger at July 21, 2006 09:29 AMWhat did you make of the Martin-Lewis TV movie? I only saw a few parts... but I got the general idea that Dean came off less well than Jerry.
I watched it a bit distractedly, Badda. But I think the manic, neurotic Lewis is a more interesting character than Martin. And the swishy Will and Grace guy is a better actor than whoever they got to portray Dean. I had the general impression that Martin was the more sympathetic character in that telling, but wasn't watching all that intently to be honest.
Posted by: angryclown at July 21, 2006 09:40 AM"I can't believe Beavis and Butthead is getting dissed."
Only two kinds of people like B'nB - latent homosexuals and campus communists. And I don't see a "Che" shirt on you, boyee.
"The Cornholio episode was one for the ages..."
...in the category "dull enough to justify suicide". Blah.
"My personal fave: REM video comes on...It's college music"
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
"Mitch, how's that commute from your urban paradise out to the suburbs twice daily? It's gotta take what, 45 minutes each way? (heh heh heh)"
I make the commute *once* daily, actually. Enh. You go where the work is. Big whoop.
You're improving, JB. I expected something more like "You say you have a job. I don't buy it".
Perhaps having a kid is taking your edge off.
Posted by: mitch at July 21, 2006 09:45 AMOoooo . . Interesting strategy, JB goes off the board with the B & Bhead defense, and then while catching Mitch off guard, slides in a subtle city slam. Very clever. Most impressive!
Flash
Posted by: Flash at July 21, 2006 10:25 AM"catching Mitch off guard"
Consider the absurdity of that statement.
Please rewrite and resubmit without the whole "alternate reality" angle.
Posted by: mitch at July 21, 2006 10:57 AM"JB...subtle"
See above.
Posted by: mitch at July 21, 2006 10:58 AM"Beavis and Butthead...the Three Stooges of our era"
To quote Aretha, "Don't you be blaspheming".
Posted by: mitch at July 21, 2006 11:00 AMNo Scotch and no Sponge Bob make Elder go something something.
Are you really trying to claim that vodka is superior to Scotch? You don't see a lot of Scotch drinkers chasing their single malt with a salty mushroom and a dollup of sour cream (or pickle) now do you?
Posted by: the elder at July 21, 2006 11:18 AMIn the great scheme of life priorities, rating booze doesn't come in on my top 5000 "to-dos".
As re Scotch as a beverage in general, I remain to be convinced.
Posted by: mitch at July 21, 2006 11:28 AM"You don't see a lot of Scotch drinkers chasing their single malt with a salty mushroom and a dollup of sour cream (or pickle) now do you?"
I don't see a lot of vodka drinkers doing that, either.
Scotch IS useful for drowning out the taste of haggis or blood pudding. It's got that going for it.
Posted by: mitch at July 21, 2006 11:29 AMSalty mushroom and dollop of sour cream? Um.
Not that there's anything wrong with that!
Posted by: angryclown at July 21, 2006 11:30 AM"Salty mushroom and dollop of sour cream"
Is that on the appetizer menu at the Saloon?
Posted by: Doug at July 21, 2006 11:38 AMHaving just returned from Russia I can say with good authority that Russian vodka drinkers (or at least the ones I was hanging with) like to follow their shot with a salty mushroom and a dollup of sour cream. Or a pickle if salty mushrooms are not available. It actually is pretty tasty.
Nothing like a good Scotch however.
Posted by: the elder at July 21, 2006 11:45 AMOh elder, that whole "Vacation in Russia" thing is as convincing as the "Girlfriend in Canada" dodge.
So you like to eat a little "salty mushroom" now and then. We just want you to be happy, whatever "lifestyle" you choose to pursue.
Posted by: angryclown at July 21, 2006 11:53 AMThorley - store bought salsa is the pits, no doubt. Flavorless chunky catsup. Now if you come down to the southern end of the metro, I can make a fresh salsa that will curl your hair!
Mitch - need some habeneros for that salsa garden? I have a bumper crop this year and as hot as it has been (temperature wise) this year, the peppers are going to really be hot!
Posted by: The Lady Logician at July 21, 2006 02:11 PMActually AC it was all business.
Your gay inferences seem a little out of line for a tolerant, diverse, open-minded liberal. I'd hate to have to accuse you of homophobia.
Posted by: the elder at July 21, 2006 02:16 PMThe best rock guy I know of who happens to be a Christian is Phil Keaggy. He is very genuine. -http://www.philkeaggy.com/ and check
Posted by: Dave at July 21, 2006 04:23 PMhttp://www.glassharp.net/ too. Be warned. He is eclectic and not limited to rock.
"Implications," elder, not "inferences." Hate to be the grammar Nazi, but since you guys seem to have the [historically inaccurate, factually void and just-plain-wrong insult excised by blog owner]...
Posted by: angryclown at July 21, 2006 04:50 PMI see, apparently it's OK for conservatives to call people they disagree with treasonous, Godless and flat-out evil. But any joking analogy between you far-right authoritarians to those bad guys in the WWII movies hits a little too close to home.
Posted by: angryclown at July 22, 2006 07:09 AM"a tolerant, diverse, open-minded liberal"
Angryclown? Elder, dude, you need to get a bit more subtle in your sarcasm. In order for it to work, it has brush at least somewhere within the 180 degree range of fact.
You see, a master of sarcasm would express himself thusly:
"We just want you to be happy, whatever "lifestyle" you choose to pursue"
The subtlety being you may for a brief moment entertain the notion that the statement is true. Then you consider the source, grin and say "Naaahhh".
Posted by: Kermit at July 22, 2006 08:33 AMI can't believe Tracy let the Scotch thing go. Eberly! You payin' attention?
Posted by: Kermit at July 22, 2006 08:34 AM"But any joking analogy between you far-right authoritarians to those bad guys in the WWII movies hits a little too close to home."
Huh?
Oh, the "erase the Nazi reference" bit?
Nah. I'm merely drunk with power.
Posted by: mitch at July 22, 2006 10:27 AMPoint of fact: One need not be malevolent to be evil.
Posted by: Kermit at July 22, 2006 01:43 PM"I see, apparently it's OK for conservatives to call people they disagree with treasonous, Godless and flat-out evil."
Only when it is the factual truth assclown.
Posted by: swiftee at July 22, 2006 08:48 PMBTW, I've noticed (to my dismay) that Mitch's comment filter won't allow anything approaching crudity..however it has no problem with "assclown"......the censor must know the guy.
Posted by: swiftee at July 22, 2006 08:51 PMAssclown is not an obscenity, IMO.
Posted by: Kermit at July 22, 2006 09:36 PMWell there you go. Swiftee is clearly a Nazi sympathizer.
Posted by: angryclown at July 23, 2006 06:45 AMUm, Tracy? Heehee! Yeah, *Tracy*, what do you think about all this?
Tracy.
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