Shot In The Dark: Memo To A Big Five Accounting Firm

July 18, 2006

Memo To A Big Five Accounting Firm

To: A certain Big Five accounting firm. (ATTN: Marketing. Or HR. Not sure)
From: Mitch Berg
Re: Consultants.

To Whom It May Concern:

I work at a company which is, among other things, a client of yours. We have a couple of "hotel" cubes dedicated to the use of your employees while working in our office.

Now, perhaps it's a stereotype - but when most people think of "accountants", they think middle-aged men and women; seasoned professionals; people who exude an air of fiscal self-assurance.

The people in your hotel cubes - and I say this without meaning to impugn in any way their experience, credentials or competence - are almost universally mid-twenty-something women and, dare I say, hotties to boot.

I can't, of course, stress it enough; just because someone is female and attractive doesn't mean they're not a solid, capable professional. Far from it.

I also don't work in your field - consulting accountancy - so I have no idea if I'm missing something here or not. But in nearly a year I have not seen one of your employees over the age of 30 or male or below an "8", if I may wax neanderthal for a moment. And, while I hate to sound cynical, I have to wonder - is this a marketing thing?

If not, please ignore the question. But if it's true, wouldn't you perhaps cut to the chase and better serve yourselves and your clients by changing your company name to, for example (to riff off the name of another Big Five firm), "Ernst and Young and Babe-o-licious?"

Thanks for your attention to this matter. That is all.

Posted by Mitch at July 18, 2006 05:49 AM | TrackBack

Comments

If it were me, I'd just shut up and enjoy the beautiful scenery.

Like I do in my place of work.

Discreetly, of course.

Posted by: Bill C at July 18, 2006 12:56 PM

And this is a problem because?...

Posted by: Jay Reding at July 18, 2006 01:07 PM

The reason for all those spreadsheets finally becomes clear.

By the way, there's no such thing as the Big Five. Kenny Boy, may he rest in peace, took out Arthur Andersen a couple years back, leaving the Final Four.

Posted by: angryclown at July 18, 2006 02:14 PM

The clown is correct.

There can be no Big Five if there are only four firms. Just like the Big Ten conference, which by definition contains ten schools.

Oh, wait...

Posted by: mike at July 18, 2006 02:42 PM

I see, so now 4 equals 5. Used to be, you wingnuts would have to get word from Ari Fleisher before you believed the logically impossible. I guess you're all trained now.

Posted by: angryclown at July 18, 2006 02:51 PM

"I guess you're all trained now."

Speaking of which - what does "Is" mean, again?

Posted by: mitch at July 18, 2006 03:28 PM

"Is" means "is." Angryclown happens to think perjury is an impeachable offense.

Maybe why your guy won't ever answer questions under oath or without Uncle Dick.

Posted by: angryclown at July 18, 2006 05:08 PM

Only on the internet can one be lectured on logic by someone named "angryclown"...

Posted by: Jay Reding at July 18, 2006 05:53 PM

This makes me think of three things.

From the distant past, the Monty Python skit with "Well chartered accountancy is rather exciting isn't it?" (The Vocational Guidance Counsellor)

Second, I think you mean "no one above an 8," assuming that you mean that these are all small women.

Third, it also reminds me of "booth babes." (See Wikipedia under "promotional model.")

Posted by: David S. Cargo at July 18, 2006 09:46 PM

Escargo:
1) Hah!
2) I was thinking more on the Bo Derek scale, but your definition also works. Perhaps I need to refer to the international standards; I've seen nobody below 500 millihelens.
3) That was exactly my thought...

Posted by: mitch at July 19, 2006 11:43 AM

The reason you're seeing all the hot young accountants these days is pretty simple - that's where the money's at these days, and women aren't dumb. Well, most of them, anyway.

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