You Know Who You Are
You were at the front of a line of about eight people (or groups, including a guy with a couple of toddlers) at a Dunn Brothers on the Saint Paul side of the river. You and your husband - you in your alpaca jacket, he in his Patagonia vest and his fisherman's cap - were buying a bag of coffee. One bag.
Although your demeanor and vocabulary both fairly screamed "Mid-level Social Services Bureaucrat" or "Education Department Adjunct Professor", today you were slumming as chemists and lawyers.
"But how much darker than the Brazilian is this?"
"What sort of acidic taste? Acidy like the Salvadoran at Caribou, or acidy like the Free Trade Guatemalan at Starbucks?"
"Was it harvested by free-trade workers, or was it harvested and planted by free-trade workers? Were the people who shipped and handled it unionized? I mean, every step of the way? Papers, please?"
"What is the periodic table value of this strain of coffee atom?"
The toddlers a couple of spots in line back were getting more and more toddlery. The old man in front of me appeared to be in physical pain from standing and waiting for you to interrogate the high school kid behind the counter, who didn't look old enough to drink coffee anyway.
Note to both of you: You are the reason the Democratic Party is going down.
That is all.
(Acknowledge in advance: Some commenter or another will inevitably chime in "How do you know they were Democrats?" Pffft; no Republican would dress or groom themselves like that; also, roiling waves of granola wafted from these people.
And if they didn't drive a prim Volvo or a rusty, oil-smoke-belching Subaru plastered with stickers, then I'll sent Chris Coleman a valentine's card.
Posted by Mitch at
February 20, 2006 04:44 AM
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Mitch,
And here I thought that I was the only one that got up before 5am.
1) How does ones brain think this way at 4:44am?
2) I could sure use a cup of that coffee.
Chris
Posted by: chris at February 20, 2006 05:22 AMHey, Chris!
I just couldn't sleep. Got up around 3. Took a nap a while ago, and now I'm off to work.
Oh, yeah - with my cup of coffee. Made from the beans I finally bought after a**hole and her husband were satisfied their coffee met their strict standards.
I made a point of buying non-union coffee, planted and picked to rigorous standards of worker exploitation, just to spite them.
Posted by: mitch at February 20, 2006 07:34 AMFree trade coffee?!?!?!
[Engage Nelson mode]
Posted by: Badda-Blogger at February 20, 2006 10:09 AMHA-ha!
[Disengage Nelson mode]
They *could've* been Greens. I'm just sayin'...
Posted by: IndyR at February 20, 2006 03:11 PMNever heard of Cruchy Cons? Or maybe such do not exist in the Twin Cities.
Posted by: PolicyGuy at February 20, 2006 05:11 PMMitch said,
"You are the reason the Democratic Party is going down."
I couldn't agree more... anytime another democrat starts acting like a pompous, bloated Republican elitist, it's a sad day for my party.
You can have them Mitch. We can do fine without 'em.
Posted by: Doug at February 20, 2006 07:55 PMMitch said,
"You are the reason the Democratic Party is going down."
I couldn't agree more... anytime another democrat starts acting like a pompous, bloated Republican elitist, it's a sad day for my party.
You can have them Mitch. We can do fine without 'em.
Posted by: Doug at February 20, 2006 07:58 PMMitch said,
"You are the reason the Democratic Party is going down."
I couldn't agree more... anytime another democrat starts acting like a pompous, bloated Republican elitist, it's a sad day for my party.
You can have them Mitch. We can do fine without 'em.
Posted by: Doug at February 20, 2006 07:58 PMMitch said,
"You are the reason the Democratic Party is going down."
I couldn't agree more... anytime another democrat starts acting like a pompous, bloated Republican elitist, it's a sad day for my party.
You can have them Mitch. We can do fine without 'em.
Posted by: Doug at February 20, 2006 07:58 PMDon't know how that happened...? Whoops
Posted by: Doug at February 21, 2006 07:02 AMGee, Mitch, another lame use of stereotype in place of analysis. Wasn't it the gourmet supermarket last time? If we all stipulate that people with annoying habits and distasteful clothes belong to the political party you disagree with, can you spare us the blow-by-blow of your trip to buy cat food?
Posted by: angryclown at February 21, 2006 08:15 AMNew dividing point.....
Mexican Coca-Cola with REAL SUGAR in glass bottles (yummy like good ole' days)
VS.
Coca-Cola Classic in Plastic made with Archer-Daniels-Midland High Fructose Corn Syrup (vile tasting sh*t and bad for human body, worse than sugar).
Posted by: Greg at February 21, 2006 09:37 AM"another lame use of stereotype in place of analysis"
Let's clarify a bit, here, AC:
It's not "in place" of analysis; there was no "analysis" involved in this piece at all.
It was mocking, pure and simple. Mocking people who match a stereotype that, yes, I am exploiting for the amusement of people who see them exactly as I do.
Clearer?
Posted by: mitch at February 21, 2006 11:53 AMThat does clarify things, thanks. I had thought that your conclusion, "Note to both of you: You are the reason the Democratic Party is going down," was an inadvertently foolish, unsupported pantload. I see now that it was a *purposefully* foolish, unsupported pantload.
By the way, I'm on pins and needles waiting to read about your trip to the dry cleaner. If you're lucky, you can catch somebody picking up a jacket made of cashmere or some other politically significant fabric.
Posted by: angryclown at February 21, 2006 12:05 PM