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January 18, 2006

Just What We Need

Remember back in the nineties, when "Militia" became a dirty word?

Notwithstanding that "militia" is recognized in the Constitution itself as the "good guys", that the Militia won the American Revolution, and its eldest son the state volunteer army freed the slaves; various groups of racist separatists gave the media all the excuse they needed to impugn the term.

Just watch; "Father's Rights" is going to get the same treatment, after the news that a Brit fathers' group is implicated in an plot to kidnap Tony Blair's youngest son as a publicity stunt.

A plan to take the Blairs' five-year-old son as part of a publicity stunt was uncovered by police investigating the activities of men linked to the fathers' action group, a newspaper reported.

No details of the alleged kidnap plot have been revealed and no arrests have been made, but police sources were quoted as saying that the Blairs had been made aware of the possible threat to their son.

A security source was quoted as saying: "They were, naturally, very concerned, as any parent would be. But they have been assured the police are on top of the situation."

He added: "Fortunately, we think we have nipped this in the bud at an early stage. There have been no arrests, although inquiries are continuing. It was good intelligence work."

Of course, it's not like the Father's Rights movement needs any help looking bad; its opponents have done a fine job of painting the movement as a group of abusive whiners.

True story - in 1994, when I started becoming concerned about the issue, I called the chair of the Minnesota Senate Judiciary Committee - then-senator (and current Air America Minnesota weekend talk show host) Ember Reichgott-Junge. I asked her why the concerns of fathers were so routinely ignored in family courts in Minnesota, and in the Legislature. She responded that father's rights activists were mostly guys who "kept their women in shacks out in the woods". Dumbfounded, I asked her if she presumed that mothers were better parents than fathers. "Yes, I do", she replied.

Of course, the National Organization of Women has had its way with legislators and the media, painting the idea of father's rights as a "threat to equality" - even the simple push to institute a presumption of joint physical custody in Family Court is derided as a "threat to women". They defend the status quo - in which women win 90% of contested custody cases, a couple of generations of children have grown up with only occasional fathers, and the social costs of fatherlessness have helped lead to higher crime rates, skyrocketing teenage pregnancy rates, and a crush of other social problems. A status quo where a man can be billed 18 years of child support for children he didn't even father, on a woman's word and with the full connivance of the legal system.

The father's movement...no, wait. There really is no "Father's Rights Movement". There is a bewildering welter of groups campaigning for presumed joint custody, child support reform, toughening up on parental kidnapping enablers and laws, and so on. They are disjointed, barely-organized, and have a constantly-rotating membership (as guys' children reach 18 years of age, the interest understandably wanes).

With all those strikes against it, the movement doesn't need this sort of thing.

The movement, such as it is, needs to learn a thing or two from the Second Amendment movement. One of the things gun groups learned was no camouflage; nobody wearing fatigues or hunting attire was discouraged, even disallowed. Another important thing is to control the emotions; gun owners got upset at the idiocies inflicted on their rights by, well, idiots; the emotions when ones' future with ones' children are at stake are exponentially more intense. They lead to things like...

...well, stunts like the Blair incident, among other things.

The issues are more serious than that. They deserve better.

Posted by Mitch at January 18, 2006 07:22 AM | TrackBack
Comments

I would have to say Mitch that things are better on the North Dakota side of the river concerning the issue of our rights as dads. The courts seem to be much more sensitive to the fact that dads are just as important as moms in raising our children.

This at least has been my case.

The problem however is that the divorced moms while they may see the importance in having a dad in the picture for their children, they do not think that their ex-spouse is the one that should have that distinction.

Both you and I grew up with parents that loved us, and parents we loved. What a shame that our children will not that same, as you put it, "Beaver Cleaver" environment. It made for a good childhood.

I have come to believe during the past 5 years of divorce, and as a father of 5 children, that fathers rights to women(mothers) is an issue of control, not an issue of what children need.

Really, could it be that deep down inside the soul of a woman there is a fear of not being in control of their life, and the issue is not really about fathers or mothers. Perhaps it is really an issue of "I"

Selflessness is a bitch sometimes, and most often difficult to practice. But in the case of our children, all children, it should be practiced.

It leaves me to wonder, just who is the weaker sex?

Posted by: Chris at January 18, 2006 09:43 AM

I would have to say Mitch that things are better on the North Dakota side of the river concerning the issue of our rights as dads. The courts seem to be much more sensitive to the fact that dads are just as important as moms in raising our children.

This at least has been my case.

The problem however is that the divorced moms while they may see the importance in having a dad in the picture for their children, they do not think that their ex-spouse is the one that should have that distinction.

Both you and I grew up with parents that loved us, and parents we loved. What a shame that our children will not that same, as you put it, "Beaver Cleaver" environment. It made for a good childhood.

I have come to believe during the past 5 years of divorce, and as a father of 5 children, that fathers rights to women(mothers) is an issue of control, not an issue of what children need.

Really, could it be that deep down inside the soul of a woman there is a fear of not being in control of their life, and the issue is not really about fathers or mothers. Perhaps it is really an issue of "I"

Selflessness is a bitch sometimes, and most often difficult to practice. But in the case of our children, all children, it should be practiced.

It leaves me to wonder, just who is the weaker sex?

Posted by: chris at January 18, 2006 09:50 AM

One sees where they got the idea though. Our media celebrate terrorism as a validation of moral passion. What the Brit dads didn't get is that not everyone is allowed to play that card under the current rules.

Posted by: Lars Walker at January 18, 2006 10:12 AM

No kidding. When that scandalous ho doctor hid her daughter from the father, who had won custody in court (which must mean that she was DESPRATELY unfit, to lose an up-and-down court case like that), the media treated the pig like a hero.

Posted by: AK` at January 18, 2006 10:16 AM

Chris!

I was jazzed to finally figure out you're *that* Chris from Fargo...and of course, buzzkilled to read about your domestic situation. (Note to onlookers: Chris and I and his (now I know) ex-wife go back to elementary school). Thanks, sincerely, for the thoroughly undeserved complements! I'm always delighted to hear from people from JHS; there's a little group of us that I've reconnected with via th\is blog over the past few years, and I'm glad you're one of 'em.

I think there is an aspect of control to the issue - which is ironic, given the absolute control women have in the system. That so many institutions capitalize on it is a shame, and a huge part of the problem.

It's a pretty common topic on this blog. More's the pity. Stay tuned, though.

I'll email you. And thanks for reading.

Posted by: mitch at January 18, 2006 10:31 AM

Great synopsis of the "fathers' rights movements". The meetings of these different groups are typically facilitated by a fair-minded attorney, who counsels a dozen or so fathers per meeting. These fathers are sometimes accompanied by their new wives or partners, and everyone wears a look on their face like they are being fed a plate of dog crap, which in a sense they are. We now look back on the era of slavery, when children were routinely separated from their parents with shame and horror. Today's family court system accompliishes the same separations on a daily basis, and few bat an eye. The supposed equality of the sexes, as proclaimed by feminists, apparently ends where children and parenting rights and responsibities begin. The Aid To Families With Dependent Children program, which began as a safety net for wartime widows, has become another agent favoring collapse of the traditional family structure. Fatherlessness is often encouraged by government intercession in private lives and families, both through the actions of the family court system and social programs like AFDC. In the past, men and women were perhaps more likely to not only stay together to raise children, but to share in both the rights and responsibilities of parenting should they split up. There were probably always a certain number of men who abandoned their families, but those who did not might have both given and received greater cooperation with their ex-spouses, as both would stand to gain from such cooperation. A woman who needs her ex-husband to volunteer financial support is much more likely to provide access to a child for visitation. With the government offering financial support to (mostly) women, funded by forced support obligations for the fathers who do not enjoy guaranteed visitation, our current situation has developed. Unseen in human history as I understand it, great numbers of our children are living without both natural parents in their homes, while the amount of unpaid child support skyrockets. I consider this issue very important, and yet it receives relatively little attention. While attending the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington D.C. a few years back, I sat in amazement as a representative from a prominent Fathers' rights group was forced to speak hurriedly for only a few minutes between formal presentations. Apparently the issue wasn't considered important enough to warrant a formal session on its own merit, so the speaker was forced to speak as "filler", while attendees of the conference left and entered the auditorium for the next presentation. No one paid her much heed. At the next session, however, Oliver North got a rousing response from the crowd by castigating "dead-beat dads" yet another time. I sadly reported his remarks to the members of the Fathers' Rights group, who were manning their little booth in the hallway outside the auditorium. Although their group was one of the sponsoring organizations for the CPAC convention Colonel North, a keynote speaker, had just drowned out their message with an opposite one. On the local scene we have the Star Tribune, who declined to print a guest op-ed I submitted on these issues, while maintaining a steady stream of musings from Syl Jones. Thanks for putting this in the public square where it belongs and keeping it there, Mitch.

Posted by: Michael Croy at January 18, 2006 12:33 PM

Michael,

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Posted by: Mitch at January 18, 2006 01:49 PM

I understand that government contributes to the problem, but I am not sure that there's a government solution.

This is not offered as a critique of any individual, but when there's a breakdown in a family, no solution is going to be ideal. I understand that government has an interest in settling such disputes, but I don't hold any expectation that the government can really handle divorce and custody issues in a just and fair manner. Any system is going to be gamed by at least some of the individuals involved.


Fathers for Justice is looking for justice in a place where justice can't really exist. The system is not really choosing between good and bad. It's choosing between "bad" and "worse." Perhaps "better" is possible. But good is up to the individuals involved and can never be imposed.

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