The other day, as I was muling a load of cocaine from Little Rock to Hastings, I stopped by a biker bar in some little town in Missouri to carry out a contract hit on a couple of guys who'd skipped town on some money they owed my friend Mbeze, whom I'd met in a waterfront tavern in Boston when I was jonesing for smack a few years ago. As I left the biker bar, a state trooper drove by - so I had to crawl through a culvert and up a creek for about a mile before coming out, stealing a church van (having an affair with the minister's wife on the way), dumping it in Needles Arizona after a three day non-stop drive fueled by meth and Manischewitz that I'd stolen from a Russian gangster whom I'd met on a gambling boat in Mobile; in the midst of gambling away money I'd stolen from an orphanage on an Indian reservation (by disguising myself as a Klansman and sticking the place up with guns stolen from the Smithsonian).
And I thought - "maybe I should get an agent..."
Just saying; Oprah? Have your people call my people.
Posted by Mitch at January 11, 2006 05:13 AM | TrackBack
needs more pathos! Oprah needs to be able to shed tears in order to recommend your book.
Posted by: Elizabeth at January 11, 2006 05:27 AMYou're going to hear from my attorny, Mitch. You've plagerized MY story!
Posted by: Kermit at January 11, 2006 08:12 AMHe's read my bloag.
Posted by: Eve A Young at January 11, 2006 08:55 AMA. I'm buying the movie rights to Mitch's life story. Just work in the part about being a gay cowboy and it's cinema gold.
B. Prediction: James Frey's next book will be about the debilitating 'disease' of chronic lying, complete with a tearful appearance on Oprah blaming low self esteem caused by sexual abuse by a (conveniently deceased) uncle. Or priest.
Or he'll just say his book was Fake But Accurate.
Publishers might want to start fact checking memoirs, for crying out loud. How many times do they have to be made to look like fools? (Answer: as long as they can be fools on the best seller list.)
Posted by: chriss at January 11, 2006 10:22 AM"Publishers might want to start fact-checking memoirs."
I hear Howell Raines is looking for a job. Of course, it's not really a lie if the writer really believes it to be true.
Posted by: Night Writer at January 11, 2006 10:34 AMSouch mentioned a young gal who wrote her memoirs, but her family says that very little of her book actually happened.
The historical society supports her and says that the events are true to how she remembers them.
It was practically an End Of the World update.
I can't remember where she's from, but I believe she's in southern Minnesota.
Posted by: badda-blogger at January 11, 2006 10:34 AMBooks filled with embellishment, revisionist history and outright falsehood are published every year. There was a big one last year "My Lies" Oops, I meant "My Life".
Posted by: Kermit at January 11, 2006 10:53 AMI feel bad for trying to impose my definition of 'truth' upon other people. Truth is an artificial construct, a relative term with limitless shades of gray and nuance. Who I am I to trample upon someone else's 'personal truth.'
Posted by: chriss at January 11, 2006 03:05 PMPerhaps John Kerry really did deserve 3 Purple Hearts. And the word "is" can be interpreted so many ways...
We now know the real author of the TANG document now...its Mitch!!
Posted by: Greg at January 11, 2006 03:54 PM