I Confess

To preserve my future political career, and in view of Governor Bill Richardson (NM) and his confession re his phony major league draft, I think it's time to set the following records straight:

1. Rumors that I was the subject of a territorial catfight between Marisa Tomei and Reese Witherspoon are in fact false.
2. I never served as Yakov Smirnof's English dialect coach.
3. Stories that Mike Hatch and I own a timeshare in Naples, Florida are completely in error.

That is all.

(Via Ed)