Shot In The Dark: Revenge of the <i>Nekulturny</i>, Part II

November 16, 2005

Revenge of the Nekulturny, Part II

Hi, "Human Resources" "professionals". Remember me?

You had your little three year run. Oh, yeah. Fifty, a hundred, five hundred resumes for every job. Desperate job-seekers willing to do damn near anything to land a gig. Management who had spent the nineties ignoring you and going directly to the market to find people, suddenly re-discovered the need for a cutoff to keep the hungry mobs from besieging their offices.

But things seem to be turning. I've been getting, on average, two cold-calls from recruiters a day - a very late-nineties pace. And management is going directly out and finding people, again.

Pretty soon, you fear, it'll be back to the bad old days; trying to justify your existence with "time management" seminars and ever-more-byzantine benefits selection processes and, finally, the end-stage - begging people to show up for Sexual Harassment training.

Tell you what; I'll send you a resume. You can file it and forget about it, just for old time's sake.

Don't say I never did anything for ya.

That is all.

Posted by Mitch at November 16, 2005 12:08 PM | TrackBack

Comments

I LOVE Sexual Harassment training. I want to be the very best sexual harasser I can be!

Just remember: "harass" is TWO WORDS. And if you rhyme "har" with "nair", and "ass" with "plus", you deserve to get your ass naired weekly.

Posted by: Bill C at November 16, 2005 12:49 PM

Mitch, in all seriousness, I'm glad things are looking up for you, and the market.

In my annoying, needling way... I have to ask -tongue in cheek - but wait, that's MANAGEMENT that is having to pay more, be more respectful of, treat better, labor... isn't this antithetical to your whole expose the market to market labor forces view.. I would think you'd be expounding upon the value add and efficiency of employing folks in Kunming or Islamabad or Sarabaja ;). I mean a high priced guy like you (or I) just isn't good for Mr. Grundhoffer's latte budget.

Again, in all seriousness, I hope you get a contract paying you mid 100's hourly for as long as you want to stay.

Posted by: pb at November 16, 2005 01:12 PM

In the good old days companies didn't have so many problems... and they had the Personel Department.

Now? Only God knows what those folks in Human Resources do. Other than finding euphamisms and other BS to describe issues and problems folks can handle on their own if they have a spine. (Diversity training... huh!)

Check out a friend of mine at Our Word:
hadleyblog.blogspot.com

He has a few interesting corporate world gone mad stories. Some other stuff, too.

Posted by: Badda-Blogger at November 16, 2005 01:16 PM

Tell me about it!

Witness this recent exchange: the guy is trolling five year old resumes on an off-chance I MIGHT have picked up skills that are not on my resume. Question/Contest for everyone: how should I reply?

Thanks for the update Bill,

The last resume we have from you is from 2000. We sent this to people who we
thought may have picked up these skills. If you would like to update us with
a more current resume we can better inform you in the future. Even if you
are not planning on leaving we still would like to keep you informed of
opportunities that may fit your background.

Sincerely,

[munged: somebody@bartz-partners.com]

-----Original Message-----
From: haverber@visi.com [mailto:haverber@visi.com]

I appreciate your email, but considering my resume does not list any history
with SQL Server or with data base administration, I would have to wonder how
effective you would be if I ever needed your services in the future.

Quoting munged: somebody@bartz-partners.com:

My name is [munged], I work for an Executive and Technical search firm
in Minneapolis called Bartz & Partners. I am contacting you today because we
currently have a FT Perm position for a SQL Developer/DBA that may be of
interest to you or someone you know.

This position involves 80% SQL development, and 20% functioning as a SQL DBA
Four to Five years plus of experience in SQL Server 2000 development is
preferred.

Posted by: Bill Haverberg at November 16, 2005 01:16 PM

We graphic designer types go through similar HR issues when applying for jobs. As Khan quipped in Star Trek II, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."

Posted by: Nancy at November 16, 2005 01:24 PM

PB,

Thanks for the good wishes - and if people are calling (all of us, not just me), then the market must need us. This is good, nu? And what is it about market conservatism that precludes wanting (and striving for) Americans to have and fill markets, and as lucrative a bunch of 'em as possible?

I mean, we can all agree on that in our own way, can't we?

Bill,

I think I got a holler from the same guy! Sounded like he was just outta college, trolling for leads...I told him I was in "User Experience"; he asked "Is that like SQL Server Administrator?"

Sigh.

Posted by: mitch at November 16, 2005 01:38 PM

We can agree, but your positions generally belie that agreement is all I can say.

You oppose the power of labor (organized or not) to lever against management for good/better pay, and more importantly, a reasonable share of profits. You may say you don't but your past posts indicate otherwise. Yet, you also advocate for allowing scarcity and need to drive the market. I agree on the latter, always have, what I have issue with is large companies then using the government (as they did in the late 90's and early 2000's) to restrict the ability of labor (independent consultants) to work, to bring in foriegn labor, to move jobs, etc... What is good for the goose is good for the gander. If business wants the benefit of being able to tell you to "get lost" when the market is flooded with applicants, then it needs to accept that consequence when folks "get lost" and the labor pool shrinks. Instead, they don't want capitalism, they want controlled market-ism. You don't seem to care to condemn that for what it is, sham free market disguising the use of the tool -government- to screw labor. My point is that if you want your opportunity to flip HR et.al. the bird for flipping you the bird before, then recognize that this paradigm is larger than just I.T. If we truly feel free market forces should be allowed to work, then organized businesses should have to contend with organized labor, and scarcity of labor should not be neutered by policies which reward suppression of wages in times of supply shortage.

Posted by: pb at November 16, 2005 02:17 PM

Since PB likes to "clarify" Mitch's posts into gigantic strawmen, let me try to "clarify" his previous comment.

Before: "You may say you don't, but your past posts indicate otherwise."

After: "You may say you don't, but my blinkered, see-all-evil interpretation of your past posts indicates otherwise."

That seems about right.

Posted by: Steve G. at November 16, 2005 02:56 PM

Dear old HR, affectionately known as Human Remains. Dilbert is a documentary.

Posted by: Fred at November 16, 2005 02:59 PM

PB,

Usually the sheer length and density (in terms of number of topics, and usually number of misstatements, generally preclude this - but Steve's right. You have this habit of taking my statements on rhetorical joyrides from which the original meaning never returns.

To wit:

"You oppose the power of labor (organized or not) to lever against management for good/better pay, and more importantly, a reasonable share of profits."

Utterly wrong. I strongly SUPPORT labor - organized or not, in negotiating their position with managment. Being labor myself, I have an interest in it. I have, by the way, been a union member, which I don't believe you have. I AM Labor, bigfella.

" You may say you don't but your past posts indicate otherwise."

Bollocks. I have said that unions should not have *special privileges* - like those allotted them under McCain/Feingold, for example. Beyond that, every legal, ethical means of bargaining should be open to them. I have been rigorously consistent in this approach since time immemorial.

"Yet, you also advocate for allowing scarcity and need to drive the market. I agree on the latter, always have, what I have issue with is large companies then using the government (as they did in the late 90's and early 2000's) to restrict the ability of labor (independent consultants) to work, to bring in foriegn labor, to move jobs, etc... What is good for the goose is good for the gander."

Not quite sure to what the goose cliche applies, but I'll take a whack at it; I oppose on principle ALL government interventions in the market, whether through corporate subsidies, excessive regulation, restrictive or protective tariffs, the whole gamut. I'm not sure what you mean by "restrict[ing] the ability of labor (independent consultants) to work"; I know I've never advocated any such thing, whatever it is. I oppose the government either supporting or hindering hiring on or offshore.

I STRONGLY support every individual, school, and (yes) Union teaching people to be mentally mobile enough to be able to anticipate market displacements. Unions, I'm here to tell you, are VERY bad at this. They need to change, from a pure marketing perspective.

"If business wants the benefit of being able to tell you to "get lost" when the market is flooded with applicants, then it needs to accept that consequence when folks "get lost" and the labor pool shrinks. Instead, they don't want capitalism, they want controlled market-ism."

Which is why the cartel of IT companies banded together to limit programmers' salaries to $12K a year, right?

What other "consequence" is there?

"You don't seem to care to condemn that for what it is, sham free market disguising the use of the tool -government- to screw labor."

PB, I can't condemn it when I have no idea what you're talking about! A business says "get lost" during a buyer's labor market - then it pays extra (frequently a HUGE premium) when that same labor when it needs it desperately a few years later.

"My point is that if you want your opportunity to flip HR et.al. the bird for flipping you the bird before,"

The opportunity is here, now, and I'm doing it...

" then recognize that this paradigm is larger than just I.T. If we truly feel free market forces should be allowed to work, then organized businesses should have to contend with organized labor,"

Another very unclear concept. "Businesses shoudl have to contend with organized labor" - meaning what? The whole workforce should be unionized, and the entire labor market become a closed shop?

" and scarcity of labor should not be neutered by policies which reward suppression of wages in times of supply shortage."

What are these "policies"?

If you're talking business policies - that's called "management". A good manager manages his costs, including labor. It's just good business.

Government policies? Show me.

Posted by: mitch at November 16, 2005 03:36 PM

Mitch wrote: "Bollocks. I have said that unions should not have *special privileges* - like those allotted them under McCain/Feingold, for example. Beyond that, every legal, ethical means of bargaining should be open to them. I have been rigorously consistent in this approach since time immemorial."
I think I see a problem here. By their very nature unions are price fixing cartels. I believe that sometime in the early 20th some law or court decision had to basically exempt them from laws that governed such things. I should remember the details, I know, but its been approximately five years and five thousand beers since I took poli sci.

Posted by: Terry at November 16, 2005 07:09 PM

I don't know what I hate more, incompetant HR people or pathetic washed up singers trying to sing the great Johnny Cash's songs on CBS. Is Jerry Lee Lewis really still alive? By far the worst singing performance I have ever seen.

Posted by: Headhunter at November 16, 2005 07:40 PM

Personnel, Human Remains - reminds me of when the State of Minnesota's Personnel department was casting about for a new name (mid-80's, I think).

They initially wanted Department of Personnel and Employee Relations but after a few rounds of graffitti realized it made a bad acronym. So they went with Department Of Employee Relations, which became DOER. Very pro-active, positive image: be a do-er not a slack-ass government hack.

I always liked the first one better.
.

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