Top 12 Reasons I Read "Nihilist In Golf Pants" So Rarely
"Twelve is one more than eleven".
-- Nigel Tufnel. I think.
12. Sisyphus' name has too many vowels. If his name only had fewer of the accursed vowels...
11. Who do they think they are - the Fraters' B-squad?
10. Because Miami Steve would kick Ronnie James Dio's ass.
9. Because Mr. Nihilist works for a big, evil corporation.
8. Because beating them at Keegans' Trivia Night isn't nearly big enough a thrill anymore.
7. Hell - Patti Scialfa would kick Ronnie James Dio's ass.
6. Because he's not actually a Nihilist. Although he does wear golf pants (when he wears pants). Half is not good enough.
5. I'm too busy waiting for Michele Bachmann to come out against pro sports team sex scandals; this only proves that heterosexual sex is the greatest danger facing our society. What is this world coming to?
4. Nihilist is a blasphemer. [Aretha on] "Don't you be blasphemin'!" [/Aretha off]. (Note to "JB": Aretha Franklin is known as the "Queen of Soul". You're a country fan, so you might mistake her for Snoop Dogg. Think of her as a black Wynonna Judd that you can dance to)
3. NIGP lacks the measured, Buckleyesque meter of Tom Swift's Friday Funnies (NSFW).
2. "Fuzzy Niestche" is a clumsy attempt to slur the blessed memory of the '65 Packers, with Fuzzy Thurston and Ray Nitschke. Have these people no shame?
and the Number One reason I read "Nihilist In Golf Pants" so rarely:
1. I'm usually too busy reading Powerline.
Oh, I'm lying. Read Nihilist in Golf Pants daily. What they lack in musical knowledge (or indeed, music literacy or comprehension) they make up for in...uh...spunk.
Posted by Mitch at
October 21, 2005 12:49 PM
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I believe that the Nihilist in Golf Pants nailed every question on music in last night's trivia contest at Keegan's. Can you say the same?
Posted by: the elder at October 21, 2005 01:01 PMYes, I did.
And knowing *about* music isn't the same as *knowing* music. I mean, music trivia is to music knowledge as eating Russian dressing is to dating Anna Kournikova.
Posted by: mitch at October 21, 2005 01:11 PMMmmmmmmmmm ... Russian dressing!
Posted by: Sisyphus at October 21, 2005 01:35 PMA Russian un-dressing?
Posted by: Dave in Pgh. at October 21, 2005 02:00 PMMitch,
I think it's time we had a guitar-off. You get your axe, I'll get mine. Each of us will have a chance to play one song. Then we can ask people who played better.
Whaddya say?
Considering you play 34 instruments, I know you probably haven't had time to master guitar, but the challenge is out there.
Posted by: jb at October 21, 2005 04:46 PMSorry dude, didn't mean to harsh your mellow. Quite right?
Posted by: the elder at October 21, 2005 04:50 PMJB,
I've played guitar - sometimes obsessively - for 28 years now. "Master" is a funny word - but I do OK.
Challenge? Hm. Could be fun.
Posted by: mitch at October 21, 2005 05:21 PMThe Nigel quote was close (it's one of my favorite movies of all time)...
from imdb: (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088258/quotes)
Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...
Posted by: genek at October 21, 2005 07:47 PMMarty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven.
Mitch, I think that referring to Aretha as 'a black Wynonna Judd' -- even in jest -- is pretty much the DEFINITION of blaspheming! :-)
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