Shot In The Dark: Doug Runs for the Border

October 03, 2005

Doug Runs for the Border

Doug from Bogus Gold explores the inner zen of Taco Bell:

Years of exhaustive first-hand field research of this sort has finally allowed me to pierce the veil of mystery and explain the eternal question: "What's up with the seeming randomness of getting your hot sauce at a Taco Bell drive thru window?"

The first thing to recognize is that there are three distinctive types of Taco Bell locations: The well-oiled machine, the incompetent, and the clueless.

Doug explains the difference.

But, I must ask, to what avail, when Taco Johns is available?

Of all the world's great holy wars (Smalltalk vs. Java, RUP versus MSF, Saint Paul vs. Minneapolis, Islam vs. Christianity, "Tastes Great" vs. "Less Filling"), the one between Tacos John and Bell might be the most savage; partisans of one rarely allow that the other has a reason to exist.

To me, though, the argument breaks out like this:

Taco John's - Ersatz Mexican Food.
Taco Bell - Cardboard replicas of ersatz Mexican food

In proof that the universe is unjust, I live mere blocks from the nearest Taco Bell, but eight road miles from the nearest Taco Johns. Doug, however, lives mere moments from one of the finest T. Johns in the metro - and yet, on he gabbles about the loathsome Bell.

Note to Taco Johns' management; since you tore down your Western Avenue store in 1988, I've stuck with you. But you need to give a guy some sugar.

Er, salsa.

Posted by Mitch at October 3, 2005 05:37 AM | TrackBack

Comments

I took your side against JB, but Doug has got you on this one. Taco John's is just nasty and greasy. The one advantage that they have is the tater oles.

Posted by: Uncle Ben at October 3, 2005 02:23 PM

LIST OF PEOPLE WHO WON'T BE ASKED TO DO MITCH'S MUNCHY RUNS:

1) Doug
2) Ben

Posted by: Mitch at October 3, 2005 02:35 PM

One must, of course, consider the rather surreal nature of a discussion amongst Minnesotans regarding the "best Mexican food". Methinks the odds of encountering any such thing in your lovely environs (and I describe them as such with nary a trace of sarcasm) hover somewhere between "none", and "you're kidding, right?"

Now, if you should decide to come southwestward, to say, my home state, or to the state just to our south, you would encounter perhaps the most Heaven-sent of convenient, quick, and delectable Mexican food hustlers - Little Anita's.

Honestly...this is like listening to a group of Samoans bickering about which resort's got the best powder - Aspen, or Solitude.

Posted by: Jared at October 4, 2005 04:32 PM

"Methinks the odds of encountering any such thing in your lovely environs (and I describe them as such with nary a trace of sarcasm) hover somewhere between "none", and "you're kidding, right?""

And youthinks wrong.

We have, here in St. Paul, quite a number of actual mexicans. Some of them start restaurants. Some of them are mighty fine.

Posted by: mitch at October 5, 2005 06:16 AM

I remain skeptical. Hungry for Mexican food, but skeptical.

Posted by: Jared at October 5, 2005 11:35 AM