Shot In The Dark: You Know Who You Are

July 25, 2005

You Know Who You Are

I'm in the stall in the men's room. There are eight stalls. Three or four are occupied. I'll belabor the details no further.

You walk in. You close and lock your door. I am, of course, inured to most of the noises to be expected. No biggie.

Except one.

boop boop boop, boop boop boop, boop boop boop boop.

"Hey, Tom. Just thought I'd call and see if we were still on for two o'clock..."

You're making a cell phone call from the toilet.

If the recipient of your call can't tell by the echo in the background (because there's no mistaking the echo of a bathroom, even via phone), the...er, other noises should be a tip-off. And in our office, there are quite a few guys who seem to exist on red beans and rice washed down with cheap beer, ifyaknowwhatImean. Others either have urinary tract infections or have been stabbed in the stomach. Again, you know what I'm driving at.

Or do you? You are making a cell phone call from the toilet, dimbulb; I should assume nothing about your state of social grace, I guess.

Why not bring in a freaking video camera, while you're at it?

I swear, the next time one of you morons dials up in the next stall and gets connected, I'm going to chime in: "Oh, maaaaaan - that one burned! I'm never eating tabasco sauce on sauerkraut ever again!".

I will. I mean it.

That is all.

Posted by Mitch at July 25, 2005 12:12 PM | TrackBack

Comments

Camera phone?

Posted by: Fred Boness at July 25, 2005 09:34 AM

I would not check, myself.

Posted by: josh at July 25, 2005 09:36 AM

Plus why wash your hands if your just going to use the phone afterwards, Did you see him washing his cell phone afterwards?

Posted by: John Gall at July 25, 2005 09:46 AM

Oh, man, the last time I was in the Cities for a meeting, I was using a urinal, when a voice emerged from one of the stalls:

"Hey."

So, I said "Hey" back.

Then "You gonna pick me up in about 20 minutes?"

And that's when I realized he wasn't talking to me, but was on his cell phone. Or, at least I don't THINK he was talking to me.

Posted by: Ryan at July 25, 2005 10:15 AM

At my last job there was a guy from another department who, one several occassions, was on the cell phone with his wife while doing his business. I saw him both at the urinal and heard him in a stall. I remarked to some of my coworkers in my department, and they were almost all mightily amused. One guy who used to work with him said "yeah, tact is not one of his blessings".

Posted by: FJBill at July 25, 2005 10:45 AM

Heh. Toilet humor. From a toilet.

God bless the internet.

Posted by: Eracus at July 25, 2005 01:16 PM

I think this is how al Qaeda recruits suicide bombers in Western countries. They look for young Muslims coming out of movie theatres, or restaurants, muttering about being trapped next to some idiot who wouldn’t leave his damn cell phone alone.

Posted by: RBMN at July 25, 2005 02:35 PM

Hey Mitch,

I had a similar experience last year in the ladies' room: A teen walked in talking on her cell and entered the stall. She continued talking while doing her business.

An idea came to me and I started flushing all the adjoining toilets as I walked past. The acoustic environment made it a joyous sound!

Posted by: Nancy at July 25, 2005 02:44 PM

Nancy....you BAAAAAD girl, you!

Posted by: Dave at July 25, 2005 03:50 PM

This is hilarious! Just think when that school drop out invented cell phones....Yep, he was a drop out!

Nancy, I take it these toilets were old fashions with flushing handles.

Other wise....you would have had to fool the sensors!!!! Ever tried to do this?

alert the sensor you have arrived
fool the sensor...don't move...
wait, wait, wait, (no, no, no you didn't wait long enough!)
start over......now wait.....they have these things timed for daily average length of visit!

Anyone one else hate sensor flushers?

Posted by: Lu Ann at July 26, 2005 02:26 AM

Lu Ann: Yes it was the older chrome handled toilets. I laughed all day thinking of how that teen tried listen and talk with the noise. If it happens again and there are sensor toilets, I guess I'll have to quickly sit and stand up as I pass through!

Dave: Thanks. Your comment made me "flush" in the cheeks! Oooh -- double entrendres abound!

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