Hallmarks of Decay

Cap'n Ed noted a troubling new comment-via-market on our society; cards for people having affairs:

Cathy Gallagher has ensured that with her new line of greeting cards for cheating spouses, romantically named the Secret Lover Collection. This product line emphasizes the special bond formed between two people who promise other people not to sleep around, but then do anyway.

Let's stop there. The cards aren't just for people having affairs. They're for dumb people having affairs. If you're not smart enough to cover your tracks - pay cash rather than plastic, not have your partner's hair or perfume or underwear on when you come home to your spouse, that sort of thing - I suppose it stands to reason that you'd leave a card from your paramour lying around, too.

And if you're sending cards with sayings like " "As we each celebrate with our families, I will be thinking of you" and "I can't imagine my life without you … Even if I have to share you," and "I can't imagine not having you in my life. Let's start living our lives for 'us'", you might be doing your spouse a favor by giving him/her an excuse to hire a lawyer, take the house and the kids and ruin your life.

But I digress. Since American culture has sunk this low, we might as well get in on the action, right?

To wit: Mitch's line of Cards for Unethical Activities!

Here's my first cut:

For: Embezzlers, on Religious Holidays
Saying: They shouldn't think of it as a $50,000,000 dollar loss. They should consider it an "opportunity for growth" they don't know exists. Yet.

For: Milwaukee Democrats
Saying: There once was a lass from Wisconson
An election judge named Violet Johnson.
She learned not to gloat
about rigging the vote
But lit up "Bush" votes with her Ronson!

For: Biased Hack Editorial Board Members from a hypothetical newspaper
Saying: We've got each other, and our paper, and the blessed craft of news.
Who needs the peasants?

For: Lefty Blogger, to his audience (who has just harassed someone half to death)
Saying: Chimpy McBushitler
Halliburton Bomb!
To thank all of you,
I send you this poem.

Your anonymous calls
and late-night door knocks
just go to show
we're smarter than wingnuts!

For: New York Times Reporter to Secret Source/Meal Ticket
Saying: If I call you "Covert Agent"
Will you call me "Admiral"?

For: Columnist Who Loudly Proclaims He's an Unbiased, Accountable (albeit un-edited) Journalist, Who Has A Side Job As an Unaccouble Firebrand Talkradio Host
Saying: Hey, let's call him "Ass-Rocket!"

Bring on the gravy train!

Posted by Mitch at July 18, 2005 12:12 PM | TrackBack