Open Letter to the Target Store in Arden Hills, MN
My daughter, Bun, takes after me in a lot of ways. Of my two kids, she's probably the closest to me in terms of looks, attitude, overall gestalt...
...with one huge exception. She got her clothing-shopping chops from her Mom.
For example, for me the act of picking out a pair of pants involves finding a pair on the shelf that looks cool and whose numbers match the numbers I've memorized (finally) for my own size, and tossing them in the cart, and leaving the store.
For Bun, as with her mother, it involves an endless process of taking two or three pairs of pants at a time and going to the fitting room, where it takes at least ten minutes per pair to try on, evaluate, and get mentally psyched for the next trip to the pants rack for the next couple of pairs.
Now, being a guy, I hate hate hate hate hate shopping (except at Guitar Center or Bill's Gun Shop or Barnes and Noble). That hatred has honed my shopping instincts to a fine sheen; I can buy a week's groceries for a family of three in about ten minutes; a trip to Target for me usually involves about five minutes worth of carefully-choreographed economy of motion worthy of an SAS hostage-rescue raid.
Which leaves a minimum of forty minutes of waiting for Bun to finish trying pants on.
Which was one of the reasons I used to love coming to your particular Target, because alone among Targets anywhere around here, you have a little couch outside the fitting rooms.
Er...had a little couch. It's gone now.
Anyway, as I was saying, a guy used to be able to kick back after ten gruelling minutes of shopping and relax a bit as he waited for his daughter to to through whatever the hell ritual every female in the farging world does in those farging changing rooms.
But, again, it's gone now.
Like my admiration for your store. Bastards.
Posted by Mitch at
May 15, 2005 08:01 PM
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I'm guessing that the disappearance of the couch has something to do with shoplifting or fear of shoplifting. Clothes are laid there for a minute. People sit down. Clothes disappear. Just a guess.
Posted by: RBMN at May 15, 2005 09:33 PMToo funny! Oh yes...trying on pants. It's fraught, that's for sure! You wouldn't believe how some just make your butt look "not good"....you can't just leave that to chance, you know! You MUST try them on (plus a size is totally different from brand to brand...or even just for the hell of it...you never know). But especially if you're a teenager! I had a 20 year old pregnant daughter-in-law (still have her only now she's 22) who, along with her husband, our son, we hauled around the Mall of America and every maternity shop in the Cities looking for jeans that didn't look "stupid"...AAARGH...there were even tears...we're all thinking, "you're pregnant..who cares what your jeans look like"?!!! She is now on her 2nd kid and doesn't care this time around! She's also 2 (light years) older.
As to kids, I have come to the conclusion that most daughters are much like their dads and sons are like their mothers. Study those you know and you'll agree.
Posted by: Colleen at May 15, 2005 10:42 PMIf you are refering to the one at Lexington Ave & Highway 694, that SuperTarget is located in Shoreview, MN.
I am sorry to hear the bench is gone. I have had occassion to use it many times when shopping with my daughter. It will be missed.
Resident of Shoreview
Posted by: anonymous at May 15, 2005 10:51 PM"If you are refering to the one at Lexington Ave & Highway 694, that SuperTarget is located in Shoreview, MN."
To me, everything north of Larpenteur is one big rambler.
Posted by: mitch at May 15, 2005 10:57 PM“Now, being a guy, I hate shopping.”
Ahem. There’s nothing in guyhood that says you can’t enjoy shopping. I think it’s one of those pleasures that guys have convinced themselves they can’t enjoy, because it's somehow unmanly. Nonsense. Where else can I hunt? Where else might I gather? If nothing else, it’s anthropology on the fly - you learn more about America in a grocery store or Target in half an hour than you can learn in a year at a modern University.
Posted by: Lileks at May 15, 2005 11:28 PMWell, I was just going to ask if this it what Lileks would sound like in ten years or so... eh? :-)
Posted by: theyeti at May 16, 2005 12:26 AMMitch,
Try taking her clothes shopping at Mills Fleet Farm. There are LOTS of things for guys to do while waiting !!
Posted by: Just Me at May 16, 2005 07:54 AMSaturday night, my wife wanted to stop at the Target on the East Side of St Cloud. The purpose was to return some socks that she had purchased for me, because I didn't like them so much as the other ones she had picked up. And, if they had maternity jeans, she wanted to get a pair of those.
When I pulled up to let her off, I asked: "Doesn't this Target have a Starbucks?" No, heavens no, I'll be right back anyway...
So I wait in the car with my daughter for the wife to return. When I got home, just on a whim, I checked starbucks dot com and sure as heck, there IS a Starbucks in that store. Talk about a way to pass 30 minutes so women/girls can try on clothes. Beats a bench out side the fitting rooms 8 days a week.
I'm just sorry I didn't follow up on my hunch and go inside and check.
Posted by: SS at May 16, 2005 07:58 AMI always thought there ought to be counch, coffee table, and good supply of Sports Illustrated and Popular Mechanics mags in the lingerie dept. for us guys that get dragged along. Maybe even a pin ball machine.
I have found that there is no way to be helpful while your wife is shopping for brassiers.
Posted by: rick at May 16, 2005 08:19 AMMagazines and a pinball machine? If we are going to be forced to sit and wait while our wives shop for undies, they ought to have live lingerie models parade before us. Much better entertainment, that is. Plus, we will be amazed at how quickly our wives finish under those circumstances!
Posted by: Dave in Pgh. at May 16, 2005 08:43 AMJames,
"Ahem. There’s nothing in guyhood that says you can’t enjoy shopping."
Well, shopping I can tolerate, more or less, as long as I'm either:
a) moving constantly, or
b) shopping for completely nonessential things
that I enjoy - guitars, recording gear,
firearms, computer goodies, etc.
"I think it’s one of those pleasures that guys have convinced themselves they can’t enjoy, because it's somehow unmanly."
A worthy theory, but in my case it's probably more to do with my quark-half-life attention span for such things.
"If nothing else, it’s anthropology on the fly - you learn more about America in a grocery store or Target in half an hour than you can learn in a year at a modern University."
A good point, indeed. I'd be an example of "Cantstandus Waiticus".
Actually, to respond seriously to your point, here's a bit of cultural anthropology for you: I wonder how many divorced guys (especially those with kids) who dealt with years of (what we shall indulge in stereotype to call) "female-style shopping" have the same attitude I do - "I DID my time in hell! No more waiting for people! hahaHaHaHAHAHAAAAA!"
It's a theory.
JM:
"Try taking her clothes shopping at Mills Fleet Farm. There are LOTS of things for guys to do while waiting !!"
Tried it. Doesn't work; the clothes selection isn't *quite* what she's looking for. More's the pity.
SS:
"I'm just sorry I didn't follow up on my hunch and go inside and check."
That could not have possibly ended well, though.
Rick: "I always thought there ought to be counch, coffee table, and good supply of Sports Illustrated and Popular Mechanics mags in the lingerie dept. for us guys that get dragged along. Maybe even a pin ball machine."
They'd earn my undying allegiance. Well, until I could finally stop shopping with/for girls/women.
Dave:
"If we are going to be forced to sit and wait while our wives shop for undies, they ought to have live lingerie models parade before us. Much better entertainment, that is. Plus, we will be amazed at how quickly our wives finish under those circumstances!"
Y'know, the fitting rooms at the Ard^H^H^H SHOREview Target are right in the middle of the lingerie section, complete with the wall portraits and such. But you'd be amazed the wierd looks you get from the high-school girls who work the fitting counter when you're a forty-something guy standing with a shopping cart amid the intimates.
Posted by: mitch at May 16, 2005 02:31 PMExcuse me but its not the lingerie section dad its the little girls section booya
Posted by: Bun at May 17, 2005 03:19 PMGO TO YOUR ROOM!
:-)
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