Shot In The Dark: If Only...

January 17, 2005

If Only...

...P.J. O'Rourke were Dubya's speechwriter, as in his Alternative Inaugural Address from the Weekly Standard.

Intro:

MY FELLOW AMERICANS, I had intended to reach out to all of you and bring a divided nation together. But I changed my mind. America isn't divided by political ethos or ethnic origin. America isn't divided by region or religion. America is divided by jerks. Who wants to bring a bunch of jerks together with the rest of us? Let them stew in Berkeley, Boston, and Ann Arbor.

Conclusion:

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to all the jerks who want redistribution of wealth, higher taxes, more government programs, more government regulation, more government, less free enterprise, and less freedom. And the message is clear and concise: Go to hell.

Read the rest of it.

Posted by Mitch at January 17, 2005 05:35 AM | TrackBack

Comments

Last six commandments?

Fine.

First four?

As a non-Christian, pretty damn offensive, if the Government is vouching for their Truth.

Gregg Easterbrook once pointed out that we could solve the whole Ten Commandments problem by "Hanging Six," Commandments 5-10 (which, if you've read the New Testament, are the six commandments Jesus notes as the important ones). After all, saying adultery, lying, and murder are bad is fine with pretty much everyone.

But I do not believe that the God of Moses is God, nor that I should have no other Gods before Him. What part of that is difficult for you to comprehend?

Posted by: Jeff Fecke at January 17, 2005 12:39 PM

The part that is difficult to comprehend is how completely you missed the point of the piece.

Posted by: mitch at January 17, 2005 12:52 PM

Ah yes, Republicans. The party of ideas. You guys may not believe in evolution but if this is one of your intellectuals you may want to read up on devolution. Sorry, did I say read ? I meant maybe someone could draw some simple pictures that could be shown as PSAs during Desperate Housewives or the 700 Club.

Posted by: rcman at January 17, 2005 05:01 PM

By the way, I'm sexually inadequate and I collect little-boy porn. I stroke myself to ecstasy over photos of Kim Jong-Il and I have never conjugated with a woman. I am 45 years old but my doctor says I'm doing well for someone who ate so many lead paint chips as a child. My mother says someday I can have a bedroom upstairs.

Fear me!

Posted by: rcman at January 17, 2005 05:26 PM

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Posted by: Tuki Medaber at September 14, 2006 06:52 PM