Frequently Asked Questions

I get a lot of questions here at Shot In The Dark. I figured I should answer the most common ones.

Q: How many watertight hatches are there on a Sturgeon-class nuclear attack submarine? A: 154, counting the washing machine.

Q: Peanut butter: Crunchy or smooth?
A: Crunchy.

Q: When does Rosh Hoshana fall next?
A: Beats me. "Berg" is, in my case, not Jewish; it's a very common name in goyische Northwestern Europe. It means "Mountain" in Norwegian, Swedish, German, Danish, and probably Polish for all I know. In other words, my forefathers was from the hill country.

Q: Mitch, settle a bet for us: What's the best historical simulation board game?
A: Strategic: Third Reich. Tactical: Squad Leader. Naval: Second Fleet. Air: Air Superiority. Operational: Central Front.

Q: What is a Quantum Dot?
A: A quantum dot is a semiconductor confined to a very small volume of space. Think of a sphere with a diameter equal to (roughly) its' Exciton Bohr Radius. The radius is small enough that its' energy bands are discontinuous, which results in the confinement. Don't make me explain it again.

Q: What's the best prank you've ever thrown?
A: Tie: "College Sold to Kuwaiti Oil Sheik" (Jamestown Collegian, front page, 4/1/83), and the immortal Saran Wrap on the Toilet Seat (Kroeze Hall, December, 1984)

Q: How do you get into the Northern Alliance?
A: Practice. No, seriously. Blog. A lot. Write constantly. Develop a following. Impress the bejeebers out of people. Have fun with it. Repeat daily for a long time.

Q: While some of the Northern Alliance - Powerline and Captain Ed - have graduated into the leagues of the megablogs with over 50,000 visitors a day, you're still hanging around 2,000 visitors a day. What's the matter?
A: Nothing. Just staying true to, er, my art. And I get quality readers.

Q: Where is the World's Largest Holstein?
A: New Salem, North Dakota. You know - west of Bismark. That New Salem.

Q: Does pure evil exist?
A: Yes. That's why Cartoon Network broadcasts Ed, Edd and Eddie.

Q: So why hasn't some nice conservative girl snapped you up?
A: Pfft. The longer I'm single, the more I like being single; I'm a pretty lousy prospect these days. And most of the nice conservative girls got married when they were 25, and still are.

Q: Help! I'm in Salisbury, England, and I don't know what beer to order! What should I get?
A: "Bishop's Tipple".

Q: Why do you pick on Nick Coleman so much?
A: Because in a just world, Captain Ed and John Hinderaker would get paid for writing, and Nick Coleman would be working in a car wash.

Q: Are all these questions real?
A: I'll vouch for them personally.