Happy Father's Day
Love, Whiny Feminists

I've mentioned it before - I'm a divorced single father. Through one means or another, my kids have spent most of the last five years with me - and for the 3-4 years before the divorce, I did the bulk of the kid stuff.

I was listening yesterday, on Father's Day - ever so briefly - to NPR's "Weekend All Things Considered" yesterday, and caught this essay by Chicago writer Gwen Macsai.

And I could feel myself sliding back to 1955. I'd have gotten angry, but I was too tired.

NPR provided the audio for Macsai's piece (you'll need to scroll down a bit), but unfortunately not the transcript. That's fine; the smugness comes through better via audio.

The piece is full of standard-issue feminist dogma-via-Victorian cliches; it's really a classic piece of "trying to have it both ways".

Typical "advice" for new fathers; "don't read the newspaper - your wife never gets the chance", and "don't ask 'what are you doing today' on your way to your intellectually-stimulating job" - that sort of condescending bilge.

Ms. Macsai; when my first child was born, I worked nights. I came home at 2AM, went to bed at 3AM, and woke up with my daughter every morning at 6AM. I stayed home with her all day while my then-wife went to work. I can still feel the fatigue.

So my question for you, Gwen Macsai - what the hell planet are you from? Sexist Seven? Yep, pregnancy and childbirth are both difficult and exclusively-female franchises; duly noted.

But I get the impression that you're a brand-new mother, Ms. Macsai - you have that grandiloquent, self-righteous tone that usually accompanies someone who's still new to the whole "parent" thing.

Problem is, Ms. Macsai, that childbirth and the first year is - this seems obvious, but you seem to have trouble with the notion - just the beginning! You think you're tired now? Wait until you wait up until the wee hours for a teenager to turn up. Wait until you have to deal with the umpteen-zillionth sibling smackdown; wait until you've had to upbraid a few incompetent teachers, try to make long division interesting and compelling, or get a sugar-jacked little monster to clean the mess she just made. None of these are female franchises; in some cases, men have the advantage here. And that's even if you do live in the "Leave it to Beaver" world from your essay!

Which, for most of us, is a dead-and-gone issue; men today are working harder outside the home to make ends meet, and putting more time in at home as well, as our more-egalitarian society and blurred gender roles make the home more of a team effort. As a result - I hope you're taking notes, Ms Macsai - according to Warren Farrell, when you combine work and home the average man puts in 4-5 hours a week more work than the average woman (yeah, I know - eveyone's situation is different; I'm just reporting, here).

So, Ms. Macsai; by the time those kids get into first grade, the fatigue will be more than balanced. Why don't you take off a bit of your whiny edge, relax a bit, and buckle in; raising children is a long haul - and yet far to short to waste on your brand of snivelling one-upmanship.

If it's not a team effort, then either your husband is a jagoff or you're a martyr. Neither is either right or, as it happens, particularly compelling radio.

Best of luck to you, though, Ms. Macsai; you'll need it. Things have changed a bit since 1955.

UPDATE: I'm informed Ms. Macsai is married with three children.

So while before I'd written this off to new-mom zeal, now I have to choose between "oafish husband" and "drama queen".

Posted by Mitch at June 21, 2004 05:29 AM