shotbanner.jpeg

May 27, 2004

My New Book

I want to write a book.

Actually, it's just one of those tiny little books of aphorisms that sell at the bookstores for the same price as full-size books. The return on labor investment seems better than for regular publishing.

I want to call it "Everything I Needed To Know, I Learned From Red Dawn".

I'm referring that Red Dawn, the classic grade G Cold War paranoid thriller by John Milius, starring Patrick Swayze, Matt Dillon, Rob Lowe and Jennifer Grey and a visibly in-crisis Powers Boothe. (No, wait - Rob Lowe wasn't in it. Sorry). If you think about it, the movie has some great life lessons in it.

Which is, of course, what the book is all about.

It'll include the same sort of wisdom that made all the other "Everything I need..." series books such invaluable additions:

  1. Watch out for the friend that slips away into town when you're not looking.
  2. Beware girls who give you picnic baskets. Especially if you're occupying their hometown.
  3. Alexandr Nevskii is a terrible movie for a drive-in.
  4. No matter what happens, Charlie Sheen will always survive...
...and so on.

I may need a few more...

Posted by Mitch at May 27, 2004 04:13 AM
Comments

Easily one of my favorite movies growing up. Between Tom Clancy books and movies like this, it is amazing I no longer fear the Russians. If you break it down to one thing that made the movie a hit, playing war and making forts was the order of the day, it was every kids dream to run around the woods while killing the bad guys (while "protecting" the farmers daughters no less!)

Posted by: Dave at May 27, 2004 08:53 AM

But no! Charlie Sheen doesn't survive! Both he and Patrick "Snot Bubble" Swayze die right there on that frozen park bench in Colorado. Alas and alack!

Just watched it the other night. What a great, terrible movie. I love the whole thing, but without a doubt, my favorite parts are Swayze's unedited snot bubble, and the Russians arguing about the aluminum arrow they find at "Arapaho National Forest Battleground. Classic.

Posted by: Jared at May 27, 2004 10:09 AM

Doh!

You're right - it's Matt Dillon and - er, Lea Thompson?

Haven't seen it in at least ten years.

And yet the lessons live on.

Posted by: mitch at May 27, 2004 10:13 AM

The surviving female "Wolverine" was, indeed, Lea Thompson, but the guy - "Danny" - was just some whiny, wormy kid named Brad Savage (perhaps related to Fred Savage of "The Wonder Years" fame?). The ubiquitous Mr. Dillon didn't make an appearance in "Dawn".

There is, as you've said, a wealth of guidance to be gleaned from this film. I'd have to add a couple of my own lessons to the list -

1. It's not a good idea to try and bring down an Mi-24 with an AK-47 - particularly while standing upright with absolutely no cover, while shouting "WOLVERINES!"

2. Never, ever trust Lane Smith. If there's one thing that we can learn from both Red Dawn and The Mighty Ducks, it's that you can never. Trust. Lane. Smith.

Posted by: Jared at May 27, 2004 11:26 AM

More lessons from Red Dawn:

1. Never stand behind a guy taking aim with an RPG.

2. The Boy Scouts are an elite paramilitary group.

3. When the invasion happens, back away from the schoolhouse window.

Posted by: Mark D at May 27, 2004 01:07 PM

An item that may be of interest only to me -

A guy from my old church (Scott Cox) was one of the Cuban paratroopers in the film.

Yeah. That's what I tought. Only to me.

Posted by: Jared at May 27, 2004 02:21 PM

That's "thought", of course.

Posted by: Jared at May 27, 2004 02:22 PM

Damn dude, this was the subject of my trivia question today.

Posted by: Nathan Hamm at May 27, 2004 06:31 PM

I actually used to carry big plastic jugs of water around in my trunk so that I wouldn't ever have to pee in the radiator.

Posted by: Dave Munger at May 31, 2004 10:02 PM
hi