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May 18, 2004

All The Wrong Reasons

Leave aside political and religious beliefs for a moment. I worry about some of the gay couples that are currently saying their vows in Massachussetts.

There are a lot of reasons to get married; some good (because you've met someone who's not only the love of your life, but someone you know you'll love for your whole life), most of them bad (convenience, morally-acceptable access to sex, because all your friends from college are doing it, because you've got nothing else going on in your life, because you want the tax deduction already, because your spouse-to-be wants to feel you're committed, etc, etc).

Of all the reasons to get married - and remember, we're leaving the gender mix of the participants out of it - I can't think of a worse one than "sticking it to the man", getting married because it sticks it to the homophobic patriarchy.

Again, leaving aside the genders involved - approaching marriage from such a perspective is crushingly irresponsible, cheapens the institution, and, in the case of gay marriage, reinforces all the stereotypes of the whole idea.

How many of the couples flooding to Massachusetts are marrying for political reasons? I don't know - they know who they are. Or, given the emotions that frequently lead to marriage, perhaps they don't. In any case, we'll find out soon enough.

Posted by Mitch at May 18, 2004 05:07 AM
Comments

Call me a cynic, but I've always thought that the real winners in this whole debate will be the divorce lawyers. We'll see.

Posted by: thinkloi at May 18, 2004 08:26 AM

Jonathan Yarbrough, of Glenwood MN, Flew to MA to marry his partner, had this to say to the boston globe:

But he says the concept of forever is``overrated'' and that he, as a bisexual, and Rogahn, who is gay, have chosen to enjoy an open marriage. ``I think it's possible to love more than one person and have more than one partner, not in the polygamist sense,'' he said.``In our case, it is, we have, an open marriage.''


http://news.bostonherald.com/localRegional/view.bg?articleid=28184

Posted by: Rick at May 18, 2004 08:45 AM

Many of my gay friends have the same concerns.

Posted by: red at May 18, 2004 08:58 AM

How many of the couples flooding into the churches and temples and mosques of America are marrying for the wrong reasons?

Over 50%, apparently.

Talk about a crisis. We should abolish straight marriage!

Posted by: Layne at May 18, 2004 10:25 PM

layne,

Sorry, but that's a strawman.

First: The divorce rate *among all marriages* is 50%. If you put Elizabeth Taylor in a room with seven people who'd been married once, the divorce rate in that room is 50%, even though 84% of the people in the room were married one time. 2/3 of straight marriages last 10 years (even my misbegotten hell of a marriage lasted that long) and half last over 20 years.

Second: A survey of couples in long-term relationships shows that gay relationships tend to last a third as long as relationships between straights.

The "But straights have screwed up marriages, too!" argument is both a lousy justification for gay marriage, and wrong. I've seen good justifications - have even been convinced by them at one point - but that's just not one of them.

Posted by: Mitch at May 19, 2004 05:34 AM
hi