A Modest Proposal - Was

A Modest Proposal - Was there a hockey game last night?

I love baseball. I can watch football. But NBA hoops and NHL hockey both bore me stiff.

I can call the play-by-play of any NBA game more or less as follows:

"5:18 in the half, and [name of 6'10" mutant] has the ball...he [pick one] DRIVES...IN for two!/ReJECted!". Repeat until closing buzzer. If I don't pass out from boredom on the way.

In the meantime, Hockey combines the low-scoring thrills of major-league soccer with the endless, endless, endless, back and endless forth of professional tennis.

I have a proposal to make both sports more interesting - but it'll take some cooperation.

Currently, every hockey team has a goalie - a guy in padding straight from a bomb disposal unit who puts his mug in front of speeding pucks for a living. In the meantime, goaltending is a penalty in basketball.

So switch them.

Ban the goalie in hockey. Nobody, defender or attacker, should be allowed inside the box. And make shots from beyond the blue line worth two points.

In the meantime, add a goaltender to each basketball team; maybe even give him a helmet. He should be a guy with a superhuman vertical leap, whose job it is to keep the biscuit out of the basket.

Think of the revolution this would force on the strategery of both games! More importantly, it's make both games interesting enough to watch...

...when there's not a baseball game on the radio, anyway.

Gaaah. I need a job.

Posted by Mitch at April 23, 2003 11:10 AM