Minnesota Codependent - In the

Minnesota Codependent - In the past month, the left in Minnesota's been in a state of mourning. "Minnesota Nice" is apparently dead.

The Strib ran an excellent series a few weeks ago, by Steve Berg (no relation) and Dave Hage, which summed up much of Minnesota's current problem:

In our worst moments, we are still the people Sinclair Lewis so painfully revealed. Smug. Quietly self-congratulatory. For us, Minnesota is pretty good, and pretty good is good enough. Lewis called it "the contentment of the quiet dead."

I think the series gets a lot of things right, and a few wrong (it seems to equate "thriving economy" with "progressive government", which as long as "Progressive" is a local euphemism for "intrusive nannystate" of the type that obsesses the DFL). But it's the observations about Minnesota's overall gestalt that are the most interesting.

Institutional Minnesota and the Minnesotans that love it are really genuinely knotted up about "Minnesota Nice". And they're invoking it in some very revealing ways lately .

The first was earlier in the legislative session, when the budget "cuts" were first floated. The nattering nabobs bemoaned "the Death of Minnesota Nice". Note the parallel - Minnesota Nice equals state programs and budgets.

Then, last week, during the debate on the Concealed Carry Reform bill, some of the anti demonstrators carried signs: "Guns aren't Minnesota Nice". Note, again, the parallel - Minnesota Nice equals a state monopoly on self-defense.

Minneota Nice = the Minnesota State Government.

Now, let's forget the absurdity of anthropomorphizing an inanimate body like government with human qualities like "nice" for just a moment. Let's take it at face value.

The people of Minnesota are in a relationship with this anthropomorphous body; let's call it "State". "State" demands a lot; if you don't spend enough on her, she gets peevish; if you don't give her enough attention at election time, she acts neglected, but if you pay her too much attention she wants more space. She assumes all the power - "I can never trust you with it..." - and then mishandles it. The focus is always on her and her needs.

And in exchange for all this fiscal and emotional attention, we get...passive/aggression cloaked as "nice". Enablement of a genuine addiction, plus she's inviting all her friends to the party. If we only refrain from disturbing here, she'll keep being "nice" to us; we're too tired to want to fight about it anymore.

In other words, Minnesota and Minnesotans are in a codependent, dysfunctional relationship. Even a little abusive; the abuse is all psychological, of course, but it's there, the constant threats of disaster if you don't do things her way,

Which is a shame, because the partnership used to work! When both of you were "giving" in the relationship, it was wonderful! But then she started taking you for granted, and all her old patterns started happening again.

Dysfunctional relationships can be fixed, of course. She needs to learn some boundaries. And we need to have the courage to be selfish enough to make some space in the relationship for ourselves - to give ourselves some of the focus we need.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. And "Minnesota Nice" isn't just nice.

(I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit...)

Posted by Mitch at May 2, 2003 07:43 AM