Graham, Lieberman - I'd love

Graham, Lieberman - I'd love to see the Democrats nominate Howard Dean. He's got a lot of juju now among the far-left Democrat faithful. And he'd probably make George McGovern look good.

And I bet the Democrats know that. So I doubt Dean'll get through the primaries (but I'll certainly do my part).

No, I'm thinking the big three are going to be Kerry, Lieberman and Florida Senator Graham.

Aaaaaagh!

No, I'm not talking about their politics - or at least, not Lieberman's.

But if you've been following this blog any length of time, you'll know I place a high regard on speaking style. Dad was a speech teacher, and I worked in radio, and I value verbal expression and commnication. My political idols, of course, are Winston Churchill and Ronald Reagan.

And from a speaking standpoint, any of these three fossils would be a complete disaster.

With Kerry, you get all of Bill Clinton's smug condescension with none of the former president's facility at faux sincerity.

Joe Lieberman talks like I feel when I accidentally lose count of how many NyQuils I've had.

But Bob Graham may be the worst of all. Listening to him on the Today show this morning, he spoke like a guy whose thought processes just...don't...connect.

No, George W Bush is not a classically great orator - but at least he doesn't make me wonder what's going on in there...

More as the campaign develops.

You Know Who You Are - When you got over your infatuation with the "General Lee" and your childhood desire to be Bo Luke, you graduated to your real teenage desire - to be a fighter pilot.

That dream lasted about two months, until you were told that your 20/100 eyesight and atrocious reflexes would disqualify you from flight training. So you went on to your true vocation - processing titles for UltraTitle in Woodbury.

Your life has taken its bad turns; you're 36, can't get a date (although losing 50 pounds might do wonders, if you can find a very nearsighted woman who's got a thing for doughy faces), you have $12,000 in credit card debt and a ratty townhouse in Golden Valley, your 4x/week beer habit is making you crabby, you've been passed over for promotion to branch manager three times now, and more and more frequently you've been coming up on the wrong ends of the fights you start when your "little guy syndrome" mixes with your "liquid courage" on Friday nights at Champs.

But one part of the dream still remains, as you weave through traffic, pretending you're at the stick of an F-15E, swerving at 80mph through the 50mph traffic.

Which is what you were doing at 8:45 this morning on I-94, eastbound at Dale Street. You raced up behind the delivery truck in the middle lane, swerved out from behind him with about four feet to spare, rode up so close to my back bumper that my "Deserve Victory" sticker has "Dodge" imprinted onto it, and then swerved across two lanes of traffic with two inches to spare between me, the delivery truck and the Geo Metro to my immediate left.

So, on behalf of my son (who was in the seat next to me) and the people on the road this morning that you came one hiccup away from smearing along the nearest abutment, all I can say is this: I hope the extra donut you ate with the 12 seconds you saved yourself getting to work by driving like a ferret on espresso gave you heartburn, you piece of filth.

OK. I'm done.

That is all.

Posted by Mitch at May 7, 2003 07:20 AM