Father's Day - Fathers Day

Father's Day - Fathers Day used to sort of bother me.

Part of it is the excessive Hallmarkization of the day; the whole thing is an excuse to sell cards.

A larger part of it is - or was - that for much of this country, it's hypocritical. This nation does not honor fathers. Fathers are routinely considered worth not much more than paychecks after divorce. "Fathers are a biological necessity, but a social accident" wrote Margaret Meade in 1956. Our society's social engineers treated this as gospel for four decades; today, the sons and daughters of those same thinkers wonder why we have a generation of young men who will father children but won't raise them; we have social programs and law enforcement initiatives to shame, cajole and force young men into raising - or at least paying for - their accidental offspring. Fatherhood is a big stick used to deter irresponsible sex.

But even in regular families, our culture trivializes fathers and fatherhood. Look at sitcoms; in TV families from Jackie Gleason and Fred Flintstone through the present day, the mother is the font of all wisdom; the father is buffonish comic relief. Look - and I mean, look honestly - at how fathers are portrayed in commercials, movies, art, music. Absence, ridiculousness, triviality rule the portrayals coming from our popular culture (sure, there are exceptions; for every John Walton or John Ingalls, there's a George Jetson).

Neil Tift wrote this, in an article from nine years ago that's not much removed from life today:

For hundreds of generations, child rearing has been the shared responsibility of both of the biological parents of their children. While the dichotomization of gender roles may have existed in many cultures, that has not generally excluded fathers from parenting roles and responsibilities, which might be defined as teaching, nurturing, supporting, communicating, disciplining and caring for their offspring.

Only in recent history, with the advent of the Industrial Revolution in the western world, have we seen a major emphasis in the separation of the male from the home. Prior to this, cottage industries prevailed for hundreds of years. This concept permitted mothers and fathers to live, work, and raise their children together within the home. If someone needed bread, they went to the home of the baker, who made and sold or bartered the bread from their cottage. Parents taught their children their trade, or sent them to the home of the harrier, or tailor, or candlemaker to learn a different trade. But, again, child rearing was a shared responsibility of both of the parents. As one conference participant noted, with the removal of the father from the village, the commitment toward fatherhood goes down. Then, men's investment in their village tends to decrease, resulting in a downward spiral.

So fatherhood is beleaguered.

But when I step out of rant mode, I realize I shouldn't complain. I was raised by a great father, one that taught me a lot about perseverance and critical thinking and love of learning - and about all the things I didn't want to do with my life. I hope my own kids do as well. Thanks, Dad.

So today, I'm thankful for what I have - and concerned for where we as a society all fall short.

Posted by Mitch at June 15, 2003 01:59 AM