The Terrorists Have Won -

The Terrorists Have Won - First they came for the smokers. And I said "I'm not a smoker, it doesn't affect me."

Then they came for the SUVs. And I said "Pfft. I drive a Saturn. Get lost."

Then they came for our guns. I waved my CCRN card in their faces.

Then they came for McDonalds', and I told them "Piffle. If I eat fast food, it's at Wendy's, and only rarely at that."

But now...the barbarians truly are at the gates:

The sound of bagpipes has always been a distinctive and somewhat acquired taste.

But acoustic experts claimed yesterday that, as well as inducing earache, the instrument could be linked to hearing loss, repetitive strain injury and alcoholism.

A survey has also found that having a passion for the pipes can contribute to the breakdown of players' marriages.

Once used as an instrument of war, the bagpipes are dangerous and should come with a health warning, says the report by Piper & Drummer magazine.

That this report exists is one thing; that it comes from the relatively conservative Telegraph merely adds insult to injury.

Of course, the insults are fairly easily dealt with:

James Bousquet, a bagpiper and acoustics expert, measured the noise from a single instrument and found that it reached 122 decibels - louder than a chainsaw or a plane landing.

Well, duh. How many people go into bagpiping thinking it's going to be quiet and sedate?

About 10 per cent of players said their hobby had ended their marriages

...but I'm willing to bet any hobby will end ten percent of marriages.

...while 84 per cent knew pipers who were alcoholics.

What does this mean? I'll bet 84% of Yogis know of an alcoholic Yogatiste. For that matter, I'll bet 100% of the reporters at the London Telegraph know alcoholic reporters - or are alcoholic reporters.

I'll bet 84% of humans know an alcoholic human.

Mike McNeill, a former World Pipe Band Championship contestant, said: "Piping can take over your life. Your social life tends to revolve around hard drinking with other members. It can really take its toll."

Downside: I suspect he's right. Although the band I'm learning pipes from doesn't seem to be any more alcohol-based than any other group of adults, it does eat up a lot of time for a lot of the participants. Upside: I'd be happy to have a social life at all at this point.

Dr Robert Sataloff, an American lung disease expert, said pipers often developed large stomachs because the bag acted as a breeding ground for spores.

"Pipers are more likely to have an hour-glass belly in which they develop distended stomachs filled with the air from playing the instrument."

Good point. We should all play the autoharp, sing sixties folk music, and eat granola.

(From an email from longtime reader EB)

Posted by Mitch at August 26, 2003 06:39 AM