Pushing the Idea Across the Synapses

- Conservatism - and conservative beliefs - aren't for the casual thinker.

Notice that I didn't necessarily say "conservatives are smarter than liberals"; that'd be the type of arrogance that, if you're not careful, will turn you into Al Franken.

But conservative thought doesn't come easily. Many conservative beliefs take serious thought and effort to reall warm up to; the liberals' "Feed everyone, damn the cost" comes more easily than the conservative's tough love. Forcing everyone to be nice to each other through the force of hate crime laws seems more intuitive than allowing the marketplace of ideas to regulate behavior borne of free will in its own good time.

The concealed carry debate is one of those ideas that some people just can't push across the synapses, even if they're in an environment where they're getting the right information (for example, my dinner table). With trivial analysis, the notion of "letting people carry guns "pack heat" in public" seems counterintuitive. Like so many conservative issues, it takes time to move beyond the pat answers.

For a kid cut off in the wasteland of simple pat answers - the typical university - it has to be impossible.

King Banaian from the Scholars sent me this piece last night, from the Saint Cloud State "University Chronicle", by Amanda Deegen. I read the piece, and remember when I was 18, liberal, and the whole world seemed so simple...

...well, let's let Amanda take over here:

I was casually strolling through Crossroads Mall a few weeks ago when I noticed the Gap had a sign hanging up stating that they "do not allow guns on their premises." Unbeknownst to me, the state government had passed a law allowing the concealment of weapons in this state.

Unbeknownst?

The issue was debated in seven straight sessions, and was, after the budget crisis, the second-most-covered issue in the legislature last session.

Time to spend less time at the mall, Ms. Deegen, and put in some time in the library.

I digress:

Hallelujah! Now I know that I too can, without worry, carry a concealed 9mm pistol through the mall without worry of restraint, except the Gap. Let me hold your pistol while you try on some jeans?

Since Ms. Deegen managed to miss seven years of debate on the issue, I suppose it's a bit much to ask her to know the qualifications to get the permit (over 21, clean criminal record, passed skills course, no record of drug or chemical abuse or violent mental illness).

Which means, Ms. Deegan, that anyone carrying a gun in the Gap as you're trying on jeans is illegal, untrained, and very well may have a criminal record.

With this next bit, I can imagine the ghost of Skip Humphrey, smiling down from heaven, knowing that a liberal angel had gotten its wings with this bit:

I thought it was a well-known fact that one shouldn't carry a loaded, concealed weapon with them in public places, especially places like bars and taverns. I can somehow picture the horrible combination of drunk rednecks and firearms producing not-so-pretty results.

Memo to Matt Entenza: Well, you have to feel all warm and fuzzy right now, knowing that your carefully-spun propaganda had the desired effect with at least one young woman. Guns=lowlives, to Entenza, Moe, Skoglund...and Deegen.

Question: If someone with a degree in Literature who can play the Brandenburg Concertos on the cello from memory and can get around in four languages gets a concealed carry permit, is that person automatically a "redneck"? Are they drawn to alchohol, bars, and brawls through some unknown force?

And how many of the drunk rednecks that plague, er, the Crossroads Mall does Amanda Deegen figure have gotten carry permits?

Question: What is Amanda Deegen's major?

So I ask the good citizens and students of St. Cloud, what precisely is the point of having a concealed weapon anyway? Is it easier to sneak up on Bambi that way? I can't really see the purpose or necessity of such a law. Even if it's in the name of defense, how can any situation possibly have a more positive outcome when a gun is involved?

Education.

And picture the possible outcomes, Ms. Deegen: You're carrying a bag of new jeans to your car at the Crossroads Mall in Saint Cloud. It's late, cold, and the parking lot is empty. A car - let's say a car with a couple of "drunk rednecks" - pulls up next to you as you walk. A man opens the door, flashes a knife, and says "get in the car or I'll cut you, bitch".

One possible outcome - you get raped. They're bigger, stronger, faster, meaner - there's really nothing you can do about it. Think it doesn't happen?

Outcome #2 - You're armed, and you know what to do. Seem far-fetched? It's not. I know people - gays who've been bashed, women who've been raped - who carry religiously (illegally before, legally now). They'll tell you about "positive outcomes", if you want to hear about them.

I really have many more important things to worry about than whether or not the person next to me is packing heat.

Like learning current events, for one.

And developing a perspective on the issue; the "heat packer" you need to worry about doesn't have a permit in the wallet.

I can see my dreams of world peace slowly dissolve as I notice the new age militias stockpiling their weapons for the new threat of terrorism. Lord help us if we go into code "yellow," or whatever color represents America in fear. And I am finding that this country is becoming a scary place to live.

Again, Humphrey smiles from the great beyond. Criminals are OK - it's the law-abiding citizen that "scares" Amanda Deegen.

In my honest opinion, I think the second Amendment is outdated. Granted, the Constitution was a brilliant document, but I feel it still has its flaws at times. I understand the necessity of arming oneself back in the 18th and 19th century, when crime was less monitored and society was less organized, but in modern society, such weapons of aggression are unnecessary and can only be fatal for the wrong reasons.

Ms. Deegen needs to crack those history books; crime was lower in the 17-1800s. Society was rigidly organized; churches, towns and families exerted intense control over society.

And not only can a law-abiding citizen kill someone for all the right reasons - self-defense - they don't even have to kill anyone at all. Concealed carry deters violent crime. Criminals are less likely to commit violence in concealed-carry states. They tend to switch to non-violent crime.

Like shoplifting jeans from the Gap in St. Cloud.

P.S. - Open Letter to the Liberal Media - We need to talk about how you refer to the act of concealed carry. Note that I'm not trying to get you to change your minds about the issue; you've probably seen all the facts and figures people like me have been sending you for the past eight years.

No, I'd like to talk about your catch-phrases for carrying a pistol.

Here are some that need to go:

• Packing Heat - this is a piece of argot that hasn't been used outside of a gangster movie in over forty years. Why not say "packing a Roscoe" and really sound cool?
• Locked and Loaded - I know - it's got that cool, GI Joe tang to it. But all it means is that you have a round in the chamber and the safety catch is on; it's like referring to driving a car as "gassed and in gear".

Why not use, instead, less anachronistic terms like:

• Carrying a Legally-Permitted Pistol - Doesn't roll off the tongue, perhaps, but it's accurate.
• Strapped - If you must adopt some faux-gangster term, perhaps to live out your "Goodfellas" fantasies, at least pick something a bit more au courant. Strapped is what all the kids are calling it these days.

Posted by Mitch at September 19, 2003 06:03 AM