It's Policy - Lileks wraps

It's Policy - Lileks wraps up the summer with perhaps the classic Bleat; food observations, Gnat adventures, a trip the the Mac store (where else?) and with a subtle, non-screedy political ding at the end.

I noted this item:

" We have one of those “zero tolerance” cases here, and I’m sure you can guess the details. Kid’s friends are playing around with cap gun. The gun migrates to the car in the course of weekend tomfoolery. Kid drives to school. Security guard notices gun in car while trolling the lot and peering through windows. Kid - who is a good student, and attends Bible class every morning for class - gets in trouble. And by “trouble” I mean he is suspended for the entire year.

Three years ago, I got a call at work around noon. My son had been suspended from school for a week, said the "assistant principal", and I needed to pick him up immediately.

"Er, why was he suspended?" I asked.

"Weapons violation", she said. I leaped to my feet, apologized to my boss about the sudden emergency, and drove the 25-odd miles to school.

My son was sitting in the principal's office, and had been for quite some time. I asked the "assistant principal" - a doughy, 40-something woman who exuded political correctness and "educationese" the way some people exude stale sweat - what happened. The words "weapons violation" careened through my stream of consciousness as the woman held out her hand with grim solemnity. I expected her to show me a razor blade, or a bloody shiv.

Three yellow plastic pellets.

"Er..." I started. "Um - what are they?"

"These are pellets from a toy gun".

I had to take her word on that. "Your son admitted they were from a toy gun - and we're thankful for that", she went on.

My son had inadvertently brought three little plastic pellets from a toy gun to school - he'd been playing with it while waiting to leave for the bus stop, and while he left the "gun" at home, three of the little, yellow, bb-sized plastic pellets were in his pocket. Just the pellets, mind you - the toy gun was at home, ready for any bad guys that would break into his room.

"He was playing with these at recess, and a few kids were concerned..."

Suuuure they were.

"They violate our school's zero-tolerance for weapons policy".

"Did you even KNOW they were from a toy gun before you asked?", I asked.

"No, he told some kids on the playground, and then he told me".

I paused a moment. "So he could have told you these pellets were from one of those little roller-flippy games, and gotten off - but because he was honest, he's being suspended?"

The woman looked visibly confused. "It's policy", she said, Borg-like.

I paused for a moment. Then I laughed out loud - which clearly irritated her. "You're kidding?" I nearly yelled. I stood and left the woman's office (and the phumphering, non-plussed woman) and went to see the principal, an equally-PC person, but one with a thin film of common sense to go with the academic fripperies that seem to attend these people these days. I told her the situation; I'm missing an afternoon's work (at least), son is missing FIVE DAYS of school...over three plastic pellets. Not exactly the stuff of Columbine, no?

After haggling worthy of a Turkish bazaar, we cut Son's suspension down to the rest of the day. "We HAVE to have SOME consequences - it's policy".

As I walked out the door of the building that had been cleansed of plastic toy ammunition, I tallied up the day's balance sheet: Half a day of work missed; half a day of school missed; and a son who's learned one of life's most important lessons:

The Authorities Just Aren't Very Smart

I doubt it's the lesson Doughy-woman wanted to impart.

I mean, kids aren't stupid. They know what the problem is - the abused, neglected classmates with the wretched role models for parents; the ones from homes where violence is accepted; the ones who are just plain crazy. The ones the schools can't touch because the special-ed system has glommed onto them, stamped the "Special Ed" label on them, turned them into long-term projects, problems and all.

Ironically - had my son been one of the "emotional problem" special ed kids, the ones that were most likely to inflict some sort of violence, there'd likely have been no suspension.

It's policy, you know.

Posted by Mitch at September 22, 2003 05:31 AM