The Common Food

Twin Cities' sports-radio station KFAN is doing a firat - opening the nation's first radio-station-branded restraurant.:

"'A lot of people,' says Mick Anselmo, regional vice president for Clear Channel Inc., 'aren't willing to stick their head up out the hole and take a risk. You know that. You see it all the time. They play it cautious. But that's not us.' Anselmo, boss of all things Clear Channel in the Twin Cities, was working the crowd last week at a preview of KFAN the Restaurant.

The sprawling, high-tech, 24,000-square-foot eatery, formerly Lido's Italian Market Café & Bar, opens its doors at 4 p.m. today.

If successful, it could be a model for other Clear Channel operations around the country.

In keeping with KFAN's market niche - loud opinions expressed with extreme, almost comic-book vehemence, about sports - the restaurant will feature dozens of big-screen TVs, and a two-hour daily radio show broadcast live from the restaurant. I can feel the headache already.

Which begs the question; what sort of restaurant would the Cities' other radio stations sponsor? Hmmmm:

• KQRS - The waitresses are cute, but they tell long, dull stories that have no punchlines. The waiters interrupt your order with "Mitchie, Mitchie, Mitchie - you're just keepin' da brotha down". And the food is sometimes good, but the kitchen staffs only serve unnaturally large chicken breast sandwiches.
• KSTP - Their lunch rush is huge. But if you come in for dinner, they'll give you a baloney sandwich, and tell you you'd damn well better be glad about it, like they were back in the old days.
• KDWB - Special of the day: Monday through Sunday, Cheeseburger Happy Meal. Also the only menu item. Although it's listed two dozen times in different typefaces and fonts.
• KNOW - Soffritto of Tomatoes and Fresh Herbs with Penne, served by a kitchen staff of two dozen cooks, six dozen assistant cooks, four supervising cooks, a vastly overpaid chef, and 200 waitstaff that bug you for a really large tip five or six times during your meal.

Speaking of KFAN - I can never listen to the station for more than a few minutes; the hosts make everything sound like a pro wrestling cablecast. "The Roseville Raptors T-Ball Team is laying the smack down, boyee!" Puh leez. Listen, morons; it's sports. It's oversized adolescents charging around a field or a court while people pay for the right to watch them. That is all. Which is fine - I love going to a baseball game or two every year. But while listening to talent-free pinheads yap about...er, professional sports is bad enough, when the likes of Chad Hartman start swerving into world events, it's just too much.

Signs that someone needs some perspective:

"The city (of Roseville) wants to do something for a grand opening," Herstine [Mike, the joint's General Manager] said. "We're the biggest thing in town. So they're excited. The other day, one of them was calling us the Taj Mahal. "

Reason #45 not to live in Roseville.

Posted by Mitch at December 26, 2003 06:59 AM