Predictions

As the Iowa caucuses loom, I'll make my predictions for Monday's contest:

1. Candidates will say monumentally stupid things, like this John Kerry speeh:

   "'Do you like the surge?' he asked 160 people packed into a tiny auditorium in Sioux City, as they hollered in response. 'Are you ready to add more surge? Are you ready to make more surge? And are you ready to make more and more surge a surprise on Monday?'"

   I feel a surge, all right.
2. The kinder, gentler Howard Dean will drop a few more points, and we'll see a return of the Angry Doc.
3. One of the Nine Eight Dwarves will win.
4. Jeff Fecke won't write something sarcastic and snarky about the President. He'd never do that, would he?
5. Whomever wins, conspiracy theorists for the other seven Dwarves will blame Halliburton that their guy didn't win.
6. "Emily's List" will be outraged, dammit, that the women are all out of the race.
7. Hillary Clinton will be spinning with joy in her coffin, waiting to rise when the full Election Moon rises in 2007.