Take Back Our Sandwiches! -

Forget the war on terror or the battles over taxes and education. Ramblin' Ryan Rhodes knows the questions that really need answering:

There is no way to reclaim a sandwich once modern day portions of mayonnaise are applied. It's a lost cause. It gets all over the lettuce, which is ruined, and it finds its way into the deepest fibers of the bun or bread. Once introduced to the pristine sandwich environment, you see, mayonnaise stages a massive takeover.

It's hard to explain my disdain for mayonnaise, beyond the fact that I just can't stand the taste. I have a violent reaction to the taste of mayonnaise, by which I mean I spit it out and scrub my tongue with a napkin. I think it says volumes about mayonnaise that the biggest mayonnaise company out there is called Hellmans, because when I bite into a sandwich with mayonnaise glued in there, I think, "Yuck! What the hell, man?!"

And, you know, I don't think I'm the only mayonnaise hater out there. I think there are legions upon legions of fellow mayo haters who are sick and tired of restaurants just assuming that we want our burgers iced with mayonnaise.

You're not alone, Ryan. Although there's a caveat.

Mayonnaise is truly a horrid creation, and Ryan has given voice to that which I have too long suppressed.

Paradoxically, though, while I can not eat any other sandwich with even a hint of mayo, I find myself unable to choke down a BLT that doesn't have at least a little mayo. How much? Just enough to make the bread glimmer a bit - basically picking up the piece of toast and whispering "Mayonnaise" at it should do.

Posted by Mitch at January 26, 2004 06:00 AM