{"id":88726,"date":"2024-11-13T10:22:03","date_gmt":"2024-11-13T16:22:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=88726"},"modified":"2024-11-13T10:48:06","modified_gmt":"2024-11-13T16:48:06","slug":"88726","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=88726","title":{"rendered":"Going Back"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><em>SCENE:\u00a0 In a conference room at the headquarters of Minnesotans United for All Progressive Causes, a blindingly Scandinavian-looking suite of offices in a pre-war building in Saint Paul.\u00a0 On one wall, a window looks out on a stunning vista the Mississippi River.\u00a0 Through the other, rows of cubicles staffed by interns making fund-raising calls, as a couple of college-age boys tear down Kamala Harris posters and throw them in the trash. <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>In the conference room are:<\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>Moonbeam BIRKENSTOCK, community engagement manager.\u00a0 She&#8217;s wearing a blue bracelet. <\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Inge &#8220;Lucky&#8221; CARROLL, head meme-buffer.\u00a0 She sports a new, blue Celtic Thorn tattoo on her wrist. <\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Gretel STROMBERG, executive director.\u00a0 She also has a blue bracelet.\u00a0 <\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Ken MARTIN, Chair of the MN DFL<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Martina ROBBINS, Liaison director for Planned Parenthood of Minnesota.\u00a0 She&#8217;s wearing blue bracelets on each wrist.\u00a0 <\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Chad MANBUNFRONDSON, Democrat National Committee field staffer based in Minneapolis, and current romantic partner of Gretel Stromberg.<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>MyLissa SILBERMANN, Reporter for National Public Radio\u2019s Saint Paul bureau, covering the \u201cFake News\u201d and \u201cDiversity\u201d beats, and no way no how an active participant in regional progressive politics.\u00a0\u00a0 Her hair is newly-died blue.\u00a0 <\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>All look visibly cried-out.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n<p>STROMBERG:\u00a0\u00a0 OK.\u00a0 So, that could have gone better.\u00a0 But (<em>she says, visibly trying to convince herself<\/em>), it&#8217;s a new day.\u00a0 Onward and upward.\u00a0 What do we say?<\/p>\n<p>EVERYONE (<em>grumbling<\/em>).\u00a0 We&#8217;re not going back.<\/p>\n<p>BIRKENSTOCK (<em>slightly more chipper<\/em>): Tuuuuurn the page!<\/p>\n<p>(<em>The exhortation is met with<\/em> grumbles).\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>STROMBERG:\u00a0 OK.\u00a0\u00a0 We&#8217;re going to get on top of the new plan.\u00a0 Inge?<\/p>\n<p>CARROLL: Yes.\u00a0 We&#8217;re going to get women to adopt the &#8220;Four Bs &#8211; it&#8217;s a South Korean trend where women swear off dating, sex, marriage and having kids with men&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>BIRKENSTOCK:\u00a0\u00a0 I already broke up with my boyfriend.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>STROMBERG:\u00a0 I actually ditched my partner .<\/p>\n<p>MANBUNFRONDSON:\u00a0 You <em>what?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>STROMBERG: Oh, yeah.\u00a0 I&#8217;m\u00a0 not going back&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>MANBUNFRONDSON:\u00a0 But&#8230;but&#8230; (<em>tearing up a<\/em> bit) Not even if I wear the Schoolgirl outfit?<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN:\u00a0 (<em>a little perplexed<\/em>). Hang on, Gretel. Isn&#8217;t Chad always an ally?\u00a0 I mean, he wears an unironic man-bun and ran White Dudes for Harris of Minnesota&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>STROMBERG:\u00a0 The cause is the cause.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>(<em>The women all nod<\/em>.\u00a0 <em>Martin looks around, fall silent. MANBUNFRONDSON leaves the room, in tears<\/em>)<\/p>\n<p>SILBERMANN:\u00a0 So that means&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>CARROLL:\u00a0 No dating.\u00a0 No sex.\u00a0 No marriage.\u00a0 And noooooo babies.\u00a0 None.\u00a0\u00a0 Complete cut-off.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>STROMBERG:\u00a0 Sounds like genius.<\/p>\n<p>(<em>Everyone applauds &#8211; even Martin, gingerly &#8211; except for ROBBINS<\/em>)<\/p>\n<p>ROBBINS:\u00a0 Wait.\u00a0 No sex?<\/p>\n<p>CARROLL:\u00a0 Yep.\u00a0 Even for your husband. Sorry.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>ROBBINS:\u00a0 Oh, that train left the station five years ago.\u00a0 No, here&#8217;s the problem (<em>pulls out iPad, shows it around the table<\/em>)<em>:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter wp-block-embed-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\nhttps:\/\/twitter.com\/liz_churchill10\/status\/1855754160068608075\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>ROBBINS:  This ingenious plan of yours will leave us broke.  Busted.  Bupkes.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(<em>Silence around the table, as the murmer of the fundraising and MANBUNFRONDSON&#8217;s sobbing filters through the glass wall<\/em>)<\/p>\n<p>BIRKENSTOCK:\u00a0 Well, the legislature will appropriate money to make up for it!\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>CARROLL: Yeah!\u00a0 We got the trifecta!\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>STROMBERG:\u00a0 ONE MINNESOTA!<\/p>\n<p>MARTIN:\u00a0 Uhhhh, kind of a good-news, bad-news situation, here&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><em>SCENE pulls away to the middle of the fundraising floor, to the sound of the womens&#8217; blood-curdling screams.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>And SCENE.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>SCENE:\u00a0 In a conference room at the headquarters of Minnesotans United for All Progressive Causes, a blindingly Scandinavian-looking suite of offices in a pre-war building in Saint Paul.\u00a0 On one wall, a window looks out on a stunning vista the Mississippi River.\u00a0 Through the other, rows of cubicles staffed by interns making fund-raising calls, as [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[425,24,320],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-88726","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-campaign-24","category-culture-war","category-mndfl","tag-dramatization"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88726","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=88726"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88726\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":88728,"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88726\/revisions\/88728"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=88726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=88726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=88726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}