SCENE: Mitch BERG is standing, socially distanced, in line at the Q-Fanatic Barbeque in South Minneapolis. Focused on the smell of the delicious brisket, he’s caught by surprise as Avery LIBRELLE walks in behind him.
BERG: Oh, shhh….sure enough, it’s Avery. What’s new…
LIBRELLE: You wingnuts are paranoid. [Switches to that condescending coo-ing voice that “progressives” use as they parrot this particular chanting point] Nobody is coming for your guns.
BERG: Why do you say that?
LIBRELLE: You said the same scare tactic of Obama, and he never came for your guns.
BERG: Obama had some blue seats in red states to defend – had he let slip his inner id on guns, he’d have extincted them. Well, extincted them faster, because in a lot of America a “blue state Democrat” is a little like a “dodo bird driving an AMC Gremlin”.
LIBRELLE: So – he didn’t come for guns!
BERG: He was a lot of things, but not politically stupid.
LIBRELLE: Biden is even more centrist on the issue than Obama was. So no [switches back to the condescending coo-ing voice] Nobody’s coming for your guns.
BERG: So that’s your final answer.
LIBRELLE: Of course. Paranoid wingnut.
BERG: Got your phone handy?
LIBRELLE: I lost it. Let’s use yours.
BERG: Naturally. [Pulls up Joe Biden’s campaign site, scrolls down to paragraphs 6-10]. Go ahead and read that.
LIBRELLE: [Silently mouths the words]
BERG: Either you’re lying and he is coming for our guns, or he’s lying on his campaign website.
LIBRELLE: Well, of course he’s coming for…those guns.
BERG: So in one line, you’ve gone from [mocks the cooing tone] “nobody’s coming for your guns” to “we’re coming for the guns a bunch of people who don’t know the difference between a firing pin and a crochet needle think you don’t really need to have“. That was fast.
LIBRELLE: [Mocking tone] All right, you got me. Joe Biden’s gonna break into your house and take your guns.
BERG: So in two lines, we’ve gone from “Nobody’s taking your guns” to trying to mock me for catching in covering, badly, for your own lie.
LIBRELLE: Trump banned bump stocks.
BERG: Bad Trump. Don’t change the subject.
LIBRELLE: Hey, can you lend me ten bucks?
LIBRELLE: I need to run over and buy some spray paint to paint to paint “Meat is Murder” all over this place.
BERG: Ask them [BERG points a thumb toward unamused counter guy]
LIBRELLE: Oh, great idea. I…
But BERG has already left.