Mitch, I wanted to write a novel like you, but I need professional
help. The notes in parenthesis are the editor’s:“I was doing my homework when someone knocked on our door. An Asian
(RACIST) girl (SEXIST) about my age (AGEIST) stood (ABLE-IST) on the
doorstep. She must have been shy (ASSUMPTION), she was holding a book
against her chest the way girls do (SEXIST) and kept looking down
looking at our feet (UNNECESSARY DETAIL). She was slender (FAT SHAMING)
and short (HEIGHT-IST), with nice hair, dark (RACIST STEREOTYPE) and
glossy, that fell around her face, hiding it (OFFENSIVE STEREOTYPE).”Revised version:
“I was doing my homework when someone knocked on our door. A person
stood there holding a book. The person had hair.”I dunno – does it lose something in the translation?
Joe Doakes
And people ask why I made the villains in Trulbert the Methodists.
Keep working at it, Joe. One day you might see (ELITIST). That’s a compliment in literary circles.