SCENE: A meeting of the “Protect” MInnesota governing board. The Reverend Nancy Nord Bence presides over a room with half a dozen middle-aged, white men and women with ELCA hair (short, unadorned gray for the ladies; close cropped gray hair and neatly-trimmed Progressive-standard beards for the males).
NORD BENCE: OK, I call this meeting of the governing board of Protect Minnesota to order. Miss Scat, would you please give the membership report?
CAT SCAT: Unchanged from last meeting, at [NORD BENCE coughs over BIRKENSTOCK’s report] members.
NORD BENCE: OK, Mizz Stromberg, the treasurer’s report?
GRETEL STROMBERG: We got another Bloomberg check. Why bother counting?
(Applause ensues)
NORD BENCE: Order! OK. New business?
( Chauncey GUNDERSON, a 50-something man with raffish but neatly trimmed gray hair and a tightly trimmed gray beard – like every other man in the room over the age of 35 – and a representative from an ELCA church in Edina, raises his hand:)
NORD BENCE: Mr. Gunderson?
GUNDERSON: Yes, Madame Executive Director. I’m wondering – there’s this impression I’ve heard people talk about saying that Protect Minnesota is a bunch of smug, entitled, white, suburban, upper middle class people who are out of touch with the reality of this issue.
NORD BENCE: ( Looks around room at the small group of smug, entitled, white, suburban, upper middle class people ) Well, clearly it’s a scientific fact that that’s utterly absurd!
MARGE GUSTAFFSEN: But I’ve heard this, too.
NORD BENCE: While it is utterly absurd, I am willing to entertain ideas to address it.
AVERY LIBRELLE: I’ve got an idea. Let’s debunk the notion that Protect Minnesota is a bunch of smug, entitled, white, suburban, upper middle class people by holding a cocktail party at a swanky club!
NORD BENCE: I like it! Social media director BIrkenstock?
MOONBEAM BIRKENSTOCK: Already on it. I set up the event and put out the invites on Facebook!
NORD BENCE: Oooh! Let’s see!
BIRKENSTOCK: Here. Let me show you:
NORD BENCE: I like it! OK – next order of business…
And SCENE
NOTE: The scene above is probably mostly fictional. Except for the ad. And the event. And the cocktail.
Time to revive “Stuff White People Like” for this one.
It’s got to be a sour of some sort!
😂
Actually, I looked up a recipe, and suffice it to say that it looks to be rather sickeningly sweet. Perhaps it’s the part of me that likes double IPAs and dry reds, but something in me cringes when a hefty dose of alcohol is dolled up with sugar to the point a kid will like it.