To: National Rifle Association
From: Mitch Berg, devious peasant
Re: David “Boss” Hogg
Dear NRA,
You need to pay any price, bear any burden, to get David Hogg a TV show. Perhaps on Fox News.
You’ll have a supermajority in favor of the post-Heller interpretation of the Second Amendment for the next two generations.
With rhetoric like this:
“The pathetic f***ers that want to keep killing our children, they could have blood from children splattered all over their faces and they wouldn’t take action because they all still see those dollar signs,” Hogg said before describing the “exhaustion” he’s experienced as a result of his month-long stint as a political activist.
“At this point its like when your old-a** parent is like, ‘I don’t know how to send an iMessage’ and you’re like, ‘Ok give me the f***ing phone’ and you take it and you get it done in one second. Sadly, that’s what we have to do with our government because our parents don’t know how to use a f***ing democracy so we have to do it.”
Prime time cable network nightly show. Now.
Maybe have John Paul Stevens for his first guest.
“At this point its like when your old-a** parent is like, ‘I don’t know how to send an iMessage’ and you’re like, ‘Ok give me the f***ing phone’ and you take it and you get it done in one second.”
I run into characters like this on a regular basis. They can send an “iMessage” but they don’t know how to check the oil on the car their parents gave them.
That’s why I joined the NRA — to get rich. It hasn’t worked so far, but I like the tote bag they sent me. I carry it everywhere. Let your freak flag fly, man.
My friend, the one who is not scared of firearms, told me gun grabbing reprobates think the scary black gun makers are going belly up. But he observed that a new trend is evolving in the modular, scary black armament community.
They are producing a new class of rifles…precision rifles, I think he called them…yes, that’s it.
https://ruger.com/products/precisionRifle/models.html
Anyway, these rifles are JUST as scary looking, but they are bolt operated. So why would a gun nut want that?
Well, according to my friend, these rifles are capable of putting 5 holes into a circle less than an inch in diameter from distances of 300-600 yards! What? Yup. That’s what he says.
When a prozac addled, mentally disturbed public school kid is that far away, he doesn’t need high speed magazines, does he?
Chilling.
But what to do when we’ve rid the planet of high speed machine guns and penis enhancing magazines…they promised they’re not after your grandpas fowling piece or bolt action deer rifle.
Next up: a prohibition on optical aiming scopes.
Sweet Jayzus…someone turn up the Jeopardy music, please.
Knowing his command of logic and statistics, it would be entertaining to see him interview John Lott.
In the meantime, NRA membership numbers are skyrocketing. Must be all that losing Shvonder-eTASS talks about.
Mr Hogg, your f###### fifteen minutes are almost up.