No Juthtith, No Peathe

(SCENE:  Mitch BERG is sitting in the waiting room at the dentist’s office, waiting on a checkup. Avery LIBRELLE enters the room, holding a throbbing tooth.  BERG tries to hunch down behind his magazine – but LIBRELLE notices him).

LIBRELLE:  Hey, Merg!  (Speaks with difficulty through pain) Thereth  an epidemic of rape on American univerthity camputheth.

BERG:  Wow.  Your mouth sounds painful. 

LIBRELLE: You’re dodthing the queththion!

BERG:  Well, no, I…OK, so how do we know about this “epidemic”?

LIBRELLE:  Becauthe American univerthitieth thay tho. 

BERG:  (Wincing in pain as LIBRELLE thpeakth) So in other words, university administrations, carrying out their own home-grown investigations, driven by a feminist lobby that actively disparages the idea of due process for those accused of rape, and with a vested interest in resolving all ambiguous cases – say, cases where everyone involved was blind drunk and there were no witnesses, or even the occasional malicious accusation – as rape, say there’s an epidemic. 

LIBRELLE: Yeth.

BERG: So you think data coming from university administrations – who act in these cases primarily as political rather than criminal-justice bodies – are the appropriate people to investigate allegations of felonious assaults which our society justifiably regards as second only to murder in moral gravity?

LIBRELLE: Of courthe.  Who elthe knowth more about thtudentth than the univerthity thythtem?

BERG:  OK.  So in the same vein – who knows more about priests than their various dioceses, arch-dioceses and the Vatican?  When priests were being accused of sexually abusing children, by your logic, the church was right to try to deal with it by itself.

LIBRELLE:  OF courthe not. 

BERG:  How so?

LIBRELLE:  Of courthe not. 

BERG: No, I mean why do you think not?

LIBRELLE:  And I anthwered you.  Of courthe not. 

BERG:  That’s no answer.

LIBRELLE:  Yeth it wath.

(ASSISTANT calls BERG’s appointment; LIBRELLE attempts to get up and leave the room ahead of BERG)

BERG:  Um, hello?

LIBRELLE:  Get an exthternal invethtigation, thucker.

(And SCENE)

4 thoughts on “No Juthtith, No Peathe

  1. Of course your white patriarchal numbers are different from the SJW numbers. What do expect when you apply the mad math skillz of the Wymen’s Studies Department to any problem? (And that includes balancing a checkbook.)

  2. “So you think data coming from university administrations – who act in these cases primarily as political rather than criminal-justice bodies – are the appropriate people to investigate allegations of felonious assaults which our society justifiably regards as second only to murder in moral gravity?”
    The feminazi’s will work like Hell to keep this out of the courts. In the courts, the accused have rights.
    This is an intra-class conflict. The daughters of privilege are making a complaint of unfairness against sons of privilege to loco parentis. Right or wrong doesn’t matter, it’s a contest to see who has the favor of loco parentis.

  3. I wish I could find the quote from the wag who said something like “Liberals want us to believe colleges are hotbeds of sexual assault that everybody should take loans to attend.” The disconnect is stunning.

  4. Nate, it used to be that colleges were sedate backwaters of learning and reflection. The 60s changed that, when they became refuges of liberals eager to avoid the Democrat’s war in Vietnam. It was then that colleges became engines of change for the world, rather than places where students were educated. They’ve now run out of safe targets of real change, so like an over-active immune system causing an allergy they’re turning inwards on themselves.

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