Two Questions For Anderson Cooper

To: Anderson Cooper

From: Mitch Berg

Re: Your 4/15 cablecast

Mr. Cooper,

Sitting back, I can think of many times, chatting away with my project-mates in the bullpen, where I’d unwrap a bag of Earl Grey or Rooibos and dunk it in hot water, without interrupting my verbal train of thought.

I’ve also wondered about the cognitive logistics of that more metaphorical, historical tea-related moment, the Boston Tea Party – and not only do I believe that hauling bales of tea leaves would not pose a cognitive obstacle to speech, but having worked a few heavy manual labor jobs, I’ll tell you that talking, even yelling, are perfectly normal while hauling heavy things.  One might reasonably suppose that dropping or throwing lighter amounts – say, individual bags through boxes – would present even less of an obstacle.

There is, of course, another definition of “teabagging”, well known to anyone who has been in fourth grade – utterly unrelated to the previous two examples, but which would, perforce, make talking difficult.

Now, on your April 15 broadcast, you quipped “it’s hard to talk when you’re teabagging“.

As I demonstrated above, that’s only true with one meaning of the term.

So Mr. Cooper, question one: it’d logically seem that you’re referring to the latter definition of the term; in addition, you said your quip with such an air of first-person authority; how indeed do you know it’s “hard to talk” while “teabagging?”

And on second thought, given the inevitable, if somewhat distateful and/or juvenile answer to the first question, the second question (“how did someone with no demonstrable talent or experience for the job other than perfect silver-gray politics and hair to match ever get a job as a CNN talk show host?”) is rendered, it seems, moot.

Thanks. Sorry for the imposition.

That is all.

NOTE: To be fair to Cooper, he’s better than Matt Taibbi, “policial correspondent” for bleeding-edge magazine Rolling Stone.

6 thoughts on “Two Questions For Anderson Cooper

  1. In order to maintain some consistency in this area, CNN will describe future protests as follows: members of industrial unions protesting unfair labor practice-Cleveland Steamering; animal rights activits protesting animal testing-donkey punching; and finally when Latinos protest immigration policy-Dirty Sanchezing.
    BTW-Isn’t Cooper Gloria Vanderbilts son?

  2. Seflores-
    Yes, Cooper is Vanderbilt’s son. That’s where he gets his class.

    “Your act is great! I’ll hire you! What do you call yourselves?”
    “The ARISTOCRATS”
    Ba-Boom!

    If Angry Clown wasn ‘t such a lib he would have posted the punchline from that great joke re Anderson Cooper by now.

  3. Terry you reminded me of one more – When NAMBLA members demonstrate to have their ‘special’ relationships recognized CNN will describe it as Angryclowning.

  4. Actually, from the description of the act, it would be easy to talk while teabagging. While being teabagged, perhaps not.

    (Cue swiftee to make a gay joke)

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