Hillary Can’t Be SecState: The Emollients Clause

President Elect Obama has hit a small speed bump with his selection of HRC as the constitution apparently contains a little-known circuit breaker to prevent a move from her seat in the Senate to the President’s Cabinet.

What’s a little matter like the Constitution among friends? That’s a question a few legal eagles are asking as they note that Hillary Clinton can’t become Secretary of State thanks to something called the Emoluments Clause of the Constitution.

The Emollients Clause of the Constitution refers to an appointed or elected official’s “prudent and regular practice to apply moisture-retention and softening compounds to the exposed areas of the epidermis.” You see in olden times, congressional leaders and cabinet members had to travel days, often weeks to traverse long distances across our burgeoning nation to serve in its Capitol.

Exposure to the elements, and the resultant chafing, rash and dryness could cause great discomfort and would often hinder or even prevent the discharge of one’s duty to our young nation.

The Emollients Clause was enacted to require the use of (then rudimentary) skin care creams and lotions to protect against these hazards so as to assure consistent attendance in Congress in order to expedite and secure the work of the legislative and executive branches of our republic.

Emollients leave your skin feeling soft by depositing moisture into your skin. These tend to be a bit greasy but definitely have a great benefit for your skin. Another common emollient is mineral oil.

In the modern age, The Emollients Clause suffers diminished relevance as modern transportation methods in closed vehicles and aircraft have greatly reduced travel time and exposure to the elements.

Furthermore, skin care regimens have become universally affordable and have enjoyed widespread adoption in most states, especially the northern tier and Alaska.

Nonetheless, the law, while ostensibly outdated, is still on the books. Clearly, Ms. Rodham Clinton must demonstrate compliance or risk confirmation of her appointment.

But is it too late?

A close examination of Hillary’s facial skin shows the unmistakable effects of early aging, frowning, bitching, dryness and wrinkling. All are the hallmarks of poor skin care and the failure to moisturize.

Hillary knows this. Bill surely knows this. Now Obama, and soon Congress will know this and they will be forced to take corrective action – they must deny the confirmation of Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State.

Hillary is not above the law. She must be ordered to moisturize and she must begin today.

8 thoughts on “Hillary Can’t Be SecState: The Emollients Clause

  1. I can always tell when it’s one of your posts, Roosh. Not so subtle twist of the knife or two…..

  2. Taking a lesser salary as Sec State seems perfectly consistent with the intent of the consitution.

    No equal commentary on the aging conditions of the various male hides parading on our national stage?

    I particularly liked the comment by a certain Italian leader about Obama having such a nice tan….

  3. No equal commentary on the aging conditions of the various male hides parading on our national stage?

    I don’t believe there was any lack of commentary about John McCain’s appearance.

    Or, for that matter, Mitt Romney’s…

  4. Hillary doesn’t realize that the ‘Newness’ Obama will bring to State means that as ‘Secretary of State’ her duties will be to bring coffee and take notes while the men talk.

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