Minutes from this morning’s meeting:
———-
LEADER: Attention! The moment we’ve been awaiting is at hand!
VARIOUS OTHER BUFFALO: Sssssssh!
LEADER: After centuries of being put down by the two-legs, and the humiliation of having North Dakota State University in Fargo co-opt our species name as a mascot …
MANY BUFFALO: (hissssssssss!)
LEADER: …against our will, we are finally to get our due! This morning, I’m told a “Tom Elko” – a two-leg who writes for the Minnesota Monitor, who goes with our interests at heart – is set to blow the horns off of the two-legger conspiracy to keep the buffalo down!
(Much enthusiastic stomping of hooves)
RRRRUUHHHNXXH (a buffalo): Leader? Is this the same “Minnesota Monitor” that ridiculed their would-be leader’s teeth? Or that didn’t know that guns are already legal in two-leggers’ “bars”?
LEADER: Yes! We have set up this computer to show the story when it comes across on the two-legs’ “Inter Net”. Grffffrnx, hit the button to view the “Web Page”.
GRFFFFRNX (another buffalo, albeit less handsome): By your leave!
(Grffffrnx the buffalo clumsily clicks a huge “mouse” button. The Minnesota Monitor story loads)
(not actual size)
(Crestfallen dismay)
GGGRRRRRNHX (Another buffalo): My god! After all these years, they write a story about the two-leg bastards in Fargo – and they put up the wrong logo?
RRRRRRHRRRRRRH: (a short, pugnacious buffalo) Pffft. Anything west of Saint Louis Park might as well be Uzbekistan to these two-legs!
AAAAAAXHHHXXXXXHHH (a buffallette, something of a sex symbol at the BADL if I may be so bold): Noooo! To try to generate sympathy for us, they show a picture of another cursed two-leg? The logo of the University of North Dakota, as opposed to North Dakota State, the purported subject of the two leggers’ story?
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHRN (a frumpy-looking middle-aged female buffalo): Omigod, it gets worse! Look what he wrote: “NDSU has frequently been criticized for its “Fighting Sioux” nickname and its Native American logo.” Don’t these two-legs proof-read anything?
RRRRRRHRRRRRRH: Look! He also writes “This latest incident comes the same week NDSU sorority Gamma Phi was put on “temporary social probation”…They have THE WRONG INSTITUTION!
LEADER: (Silent for a moment, choking back tears): Stupid…stupid speciesist two-leg bastards!
And…scene.
Buffalo gals, won’t you come out tonight?
Come out tonight, Come out tonight?
Buffalo gals, won’t you come out tonight,
And dance by the light of the moon.
To liberals in the Twin Cities all North Dakotans look alike.
Yeah, I always hear people commenting on how much Mitch and Lileks look like each other.
Silly Chad. Lileks looks like Bob Balaban, not Mitch. Remember?
And I never knew Bob was from MN.
Yeah, I always hear people commenting on how much Mitch and Lileks look like each other.
And I shall call him. . . Mini Me.
Hey, I just checked in at KAR. The Foot said it better then me.
A buffalo asked: “Is this the same “Minnesota Monitor” that ridiculed their would-be leader’s teeth?”
McCain’s teeth are nastier than a buffalo’s.
And the Clown goes up! He’s going to try and score! And. . . OHHHH! He’s rejected by the big 6’8″ LACK OF HUMOR! It’s going to take the Clown awhile to recover from that raspberry of a one-liner, folks.
I wondered what Foot was getting at with his little quiz. Thank you, Mitch, for giving me the answer without requiring me to use google.
So, does “The Thundering Herd” refer to NDSU cheerleaders?
Jeff, there’s a reason why those who can flee NoDak for the greener fields down south.
Ah, well, the old joke about Fargo-Moorhead colleges:
Concordia College girls check out the bulge in the back of a man’s pants.
Moorhead State girls check out the bulge in the front of a man’s pants.
North Dakota State girls check out the bulge in a man’s cheek.
Yeah, weak humor. Whatddaya expect? I spent three years at NDSU.