Brian linked us to this excellent list of the 25 most miserable sports moments in Minnesota history.

And I figured – why not try to help y’all? Let’s try to move on, here!

I looked ’em over. And while 25 is a nice satisfying number, let’s face it; there’s plenty of flab here.

For starters, we can eliminated all the hockey “tragedies”, because, let’s face it, who cares? That lops off six of them to start with – almost 25% less wallowing in misery.

I also whacked all Gophers results because, let’s face it, they’re on our tax dime, they should be getting an education, and I didn’t go to school there anyway. Five non-hockey results – you’re 20% happier!
The ’70 Super Bowl? Cry me a friggin’ river; how many teams have never been to one? My beloved Bears are 50-50, and they waited 20 years to get to the big game. Man up, pansies.

I also whacked the ’99 NFC Championship game, because everyone with half a brain predicted the Vikes would choke. Y’know how I knew? Because Tom Barnard actually got on the Vikes’ bandwagon. Whenever Barnard gets on the bandwagon, the team is doomed. I predicted it the moment I heard Barnard make his prediction. It was over from that moment on. My heart went right on.

23. January 13, 1974 – Miami 24, Vikings 7 (Super Bowl VIII)
Miami won the coin toss (as Bud Grant later said, perhaps the turning point of the game), then scored on its first two possessions, running the Vikings out of Houston. Once again, the Vikings had made it all the way to football’s grandest stage, and failed.

22. September 28, 1984 – Cleveland 11, Twins 10
Part of the famous 1984 Twins collapse, when the team went into the final week of the season tied for the AL West lead, then lost six straight to end the season. This one was the day after the famous Jamie Quirk game, when Ron Davis gave up a two-out, ninth-inning home run to Quirk to lose to the Indians, in what was Quirk’s only hit that season. The Twins took a 9-0 lead in this one, then gave up seven in the seventh, followed by Ron Davis losing for the second time in as many days in the bottom of the ninth and killing any title hopes for Minnesota.

20. January 9, 1977 – Oakland 32, Vikings 14 (Super Bowl XI)
Completing the quadfecta, Fran Tarkenton threw two interceptions in the red zone, and Brent McClanahan fumbled on his way into the end zone, robbing Minnesota of points it desperately needed. It was the Vikings’ fourth Super loss in a seven-year span, a shocking total that has yet to be softened with a win.

18. January 12, 1975 – Pittsburgh 16, Vikings 6 (Super Bowl IX)
The Vikings missed a field goal, took a safety after a fumble in their own end zone, fumbled on the Steelers’ 5-yard line, lost an interception in the Steelers’ end zone… is there a pattern emerging here? Minnesota’s only points came on a blocked punt, and even then, they missed the extra point. The offense ended the day with a zero on the board and a grand total of 117 yards in the book, their third Super Bowl failure and their second in two years.

17. October 1, 1967 – Boston 5, Twins 3
The Twins went into Boston needing one win in a two-game series to clinch the AL pennant, but a seventh-inning homer by Carl Yastrzemski put that one out of reach. On Sunday, with the pennant in the balance, the Twins took a 2-0 lead going into the bottom of the sixth. Dean Chance – who won twenty that year – gave up four singles and a fielder’s choice, Minnesota went behind 5-2, and couldn’t close the gap farther than 5-3. The Twins lost the final three games that year, when one win in any of them would have at least tied them for the title, and one win in the last two would have given them the pennant and the World Series berth.

11. October 6, 2004 – New York 7, Twins 6 (Game 2, ALDS)
Torii Hunter homered in the top of the 12th to give the Twins a 6-5 lead, putting Minnesota on the verge of heading back to Minneapolis with a 2-0 series lead. But Joe Nathan, entering his third inning of work, walked Miguel Cairo and Derek Jeter, then allowed a double to A-Rod and a sacrifice fly from Hideki Matsui to lose it. It was always an uphill battle to beat the Yankees, and so this one felt like Ivan Drago coming off the canvas to knock Rocky out for good.

10. October 9, 2004 – New York 6, Twins 5 (Game 4, ALDS)
The Twins, fighting to keep the series alive for a fifth and deciding game, led 5-1 with just six outs to go. Enter super-setup guy Juan Rincon. Five batters later, Ruben Sierra was circling the bases with a game-tying three-run homer; the Yankees would win it in the 11th when Kyle Lohse wild-pitched A-Rod home. Another Ivan Drago moment, and the occasion of the famous Juan Rincon quote, “Nobody wants to be in my pants right now.”

8. October 13, 2002 – Anaheim 13, Twins 5 (Game 5, ALCS)
Struggling uphill against a red-hot Angels team, the Twins took a 5-3 lead into the bottom of the seventh, hoping to send the series back to Minnesota for games 6 and 7. And then…here’s the Anaheim seventh: single, single, homer, single, single, single, walk, strikeout, single, wild pitch, single, single, hit by pitch, RBI groundout, strikeout. 10 runs, 10 hits, no errors. The Twins did just enough to give us hope, then Adam F***ing Kennedy trod on us all.

6. January 17, 1988 – Washington 17, Vikings 10 (1987 NFC Championship Game)
:56 left in the game, the Vikings had the ball on the Redskins’ 6, with fourth down and four yards to go. Wade Wilson found Darrin Nelson open in the flat – he was open, he could have waltzed in! – but Nelson dropped the pass. Washington ran out the clock, and that was the end of Minnesota’s run.

5. January 14, 2001 – New York Giants 41, Vikings 0 (2000 NFC Championship Game)
The Giants took the ball and scored. The Vikings fumbled the ensuing kickoff. The Giants scored again. It was 14-0 before the offense even got on the field. It was 34-0 at halftime. Daunte Culpepper threw three interceptions, Randy Moss yelled at everybody, and it eventually ended 41-0, an absolute butt-kicking when Vikings fans were hoping against hope to avenge the pain from just two years earlier.

3. December 28, 2003 – Arizona 18, Vikings 17
Minnesota began the year 6-0, then slumped, but had a chance to make the playoffs with a victory over the Cardinals. The Vikings led 17-6, then gave up a touchdown, failed to recover the ensuing onside kick, then took a bogus pass interference call with the game almost over. With the Vikings now up 17-12, it came down to the final play of the game, with Arizona quarterback Josh McCown heaving the ball into the end zone. Cardinals receiver Nate Poole caught the pass, but was going to land out of bounds; however, he made contact with a Vikings defender, and the referees, inconceivably, ruled that Poole had been pushed out and the catch would stand. Replays showed Poole would not have come down in bounds, but the play was un-reviewable; thirty-eight years to the day from the Drew Pearson game, the Vikings were again out of the playoffs thanks to inept officiating.

Bill Simmons called the game the worst regular-season loss in NFL history, and prompted Vikings radio guy Paul Allen’s famous call (SCREAMING the whole time): “Here it is, the season’s on the line, two receivers left and right. McCown, takes the snap, he steps up, he’s all by himself, fires into the end zone… CAUGHT! (anguished scream) TOUCHDOWN! NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO!”

Back to Simmons, for the final commentary: ” More importantly, that was the fourth Stomach Punch game for the Vikes in less than 30 years. Even the Sox didn’t have that many over that same span. And yet you would never see a documentary about Vikings fans, a passionate group who have to rank among the most tortured fans in sports.”

2. December 28, 1975 – Dallas 17, Vikings 14 (NFC Divisional Playoff)
Perhaps the greatest of all of the Bud Grant Vikings teams, and it was defeated by blatant pass interference. Trailing 14-10, Dallas drove to midfield, then Roger Staubach launched a pass downfield for Drew Pearson, who pushed Vikings cornerback Nate Wright to the ground, then caught the ball on his hip – his hip! – and waltzed into the end zone. This play coined the term “Hail Mary,” and – I don’t think I’m being hyperbolic here – was the worst call by an official in the history of organized team sports. The ’75 Vikings were the NFL’s best team, and could have been the team to end the team’s Super curse. Instead, we got a new football term, and more heartache.

Now, that’s not 25 events – that’s only 12!

Which is a whole lot better, isn’t it?

And not nearly as bad as being a Bears or Cubs fan, is it?

Suck it up.

(Via Saint @ Fraters)