{"id":85505,"date":"2023-07-06T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-06T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=85505"},"modified":"2023-07-06T10:59:53","modified_gmt":"2023-07-06T15:59:53","slug":"open-letter-to-the-mostly-peaceful-fireworks-kids-of-minneapolis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=85505","title":{"rendered":"Open Letter To The Mostly Peaceful Fireworks Kids Of Minneapolis"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

To: All You Kids Shooting Off Fireworks In Residential Neighborhoods
From: Mitch Berg, Obstreporous Peasant
Re: A Modest Proposal<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m talking about you kids:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nhttps:\/\/twitter.com\/RebsBrannon\/status\/1676569693065211909\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Now, we’ve got some people around the Twin Cities who’re chanting “relax – it’s just teenagers blowing of steam. It’s what teenagers do”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve noticed there’s about a 100% correlation between people who say that and people who wore masks along while walking down empty streets, and called the cops at the governor’s snitch line when they saw someone without a mask. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Speaking of which – here’s my proposal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shoot off all the fireworks you want – in the neighborhoods marked blue, below:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

They’re the ones that voted “Yes” on defunding the police in 2021. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

They’re the neighborhoods with an “In This House…” signs out front. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please observe the following guidelines by color:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  • Brown, Tan, Olive: No fireworks. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Light blue: Firecrackers (individually or by the package)<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Medium blue: Bottle rockets, up to and including screamers. <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  • Dark blue: Everything you’ve got. Mortars, big Roman Candles, the works. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n

    Deal?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    That is all. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    To: All You Kids Shooting Off Fireworks In Residential NeighborhoodsFrom: Mitch Berg, Obstreporous PeasantRe: A Modest Proposal I’m talking about you kids: Now, we’ve got some people around the Twin Cities who’re chanting “relax – it’s just teenagers blowing of steam. It’s what teenagers do”. I’ve noticed there’s about a 100% correlation between people who […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[249],"class_list":["post-85505","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-minneapolis","tag-open-letters"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85505","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=85505"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85505\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":85511,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85505\/revisions\/85511"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=85505"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=85505"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=85505"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}