{"id":84673,"date":"2023-03-17T23:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-03-18T04:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=84673"},"modified":"2023-03-28T09:50:57","modified_gmt":"2023-03-28T14:50:57","slug":"one-morning-in-the-duchey-household","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/?p=84673","title":{"rendered":"One Morning In The Duchey Household"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

SCENE: It’s an ordinary morning in the home of Edwin DUCHEY, Proprietor at the (possibly fictional) progressive blog \u201cMinnesotaLiberalAlliance.Blogspot.com\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0DuChey was badly scarred\u00a0by a childhood in which he was routinely bullied \u2013 by much younger children. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He’s sitting in the living room, sorting through emails on his phone, as his partner, Stacey Hinton, Executive Director of \u201cKeep All Racists Eternally Nonplussed\u201d, a white progressive support group and, like DuChey, a commited but unremarkable DFL activist, does much the same. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Their daughter, NIGELLA DUCHEY-HINTON, age 6, crawls into the room on all fours. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

NIGELLA: Look, meowther and ffffffffather. I’m a kitty cat!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: (Looks at HINTON<\/em>). What do you think, honey?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: Nigella? That’s an important decision, but you know I support and love you no matter what. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: (Looks at his phone<\/em>). Honey? There’s a clinic in Honduras that specializes in species transition…oh, look, it says “for American progressives!”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: Perfect!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NIGELLA: You mean puurrrrrr-<\/em>fect! (NIGELLA crawls from the room<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: Yes, Nigella!! I’ll book a ticket to…uh, what’s the capital of Honduras, hon?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: Austin. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: I’ll get on it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(As DUCHEY scrolls around looking for tickets to Austin, Honduras, their oldest son, Bjorn O’BRIEN – Hinton’s 14 year old son from a previous relationship<\/em>, walks into the room. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

O’BRIEN: I am Napoleon Buonaparte!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: Do tell, Bjorn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O’BRIEN: It’s not Bjorn. I am Napoleon. My destiny is to conquer the world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: So you identify as…Napoleon, the president of France in World War 2w?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: (Sotto Voce<\/em>). The Civil War, honey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O’BRIEN: Identifying has nothing to do with it. I am Napoleon. Could you lend me $500 until Jefferson buys Louisiana from me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: Give him my MAPE Credit Union card, Ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(DUCHEY fishes card out of his fanny pack and gives it to young Bjorn, who doffs his “admiral” hat in a grand imperial salute before leaving the room<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: He needs a shower. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: They didn’t take as many of them in 1895, during the Civil War. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: Oh, right. Of course. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Sean KASSEBAUM-HINTON<\/em>, age 10 and Hinton’s son from a “break” in her and DUCHEY’s relationship, enters the room, <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SEAN: Mom? Dad? Can I get some running shoes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: Sure, son.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: Not your son. Sure, Sean. What’s up?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SEAN: I want to get in shape so that when I’m old enough I can join the Army or the Marines or something. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(HINTON and DUCHEY sit, blanching in poorly-muted horror<\/em>). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: The military?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

SEAN: Yes, mom. I want to serve this country. And tanks are cool!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(DUCHEY and HINTON exchange glances<\/em>). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: Your mother and I will need to talk about it, son. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: Not your son. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

SEAN: OK, Mom and Ed. (SEAN leaves the room<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: OMG.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: What have we done wrong? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: Well, according to Lt. Governor Peggy…:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nhttps:\/\/twitter.com\/AlphaNewsMN\/status\/1636146393130627079\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: …nothing at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: But this is just so wrong. How have we failed him so?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: Maybe I can get him in to see a therapist…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(COLIN MANDELA DuChey, age 17, Edwin’s son from an earlier relationship<\/em>, walks into the room<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

COLIN MANDELA: Hey, I need the keys to the car and some money for liquor; Terry’s older brother is buying. We’re going to LaCrosse to hit on biker chicks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: I hear you and believe you. (Digs keys and a couple of hundreds from the fanny pack<\/em>). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

COLIN MANDELA: (Grabs the money<\/em>). No, stupid. Not the Prius. That’s gay. I want the Jeep. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(HINTON digs keys from purse<\/em>). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

COLIN MANDELA: Later, b*t*hes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

HINTON: It’s part of being a good parent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

DUCHEY: The Lieutenant Governor says so. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And SCENE.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SCENE: It’s an ordinary morning in the home of Edwin DUCHEY, Proprietor at the (possibly fictional) progressive blog \u201cMinnesotaLiberalAlliance.Blogspot.com\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0DuChey was badly scarred\u00a0by a childhood in which he was routinely bullied \u2013 by much younger children. He’s sitting in the living room, sorting through emails on his phone, as his partner, Stacey Hinton, Executive Director of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,27,18,387],"tags":[236],"class_list":["post-84673","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture-war","category-men-and-women","category-pc","category-the-sexual-cultural-revolution","tag-dramatization"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84673","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=84673"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84673\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":84803,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84673\/revisions\/84803"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=84673"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=84673"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.shotinthedark.info\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=84673"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}